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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2021, 8:58 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 Jan 2021, 9:19 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member ...... ❤️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2021, 10:24 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thinking of you @Former-Member and sending lots of love xxx

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Jan 2021, 12:42 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank You @Emelia8 @Adge @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope @Eve7 @Peri @Jynx and all my cyberspace support crew. Love you guys, honest. And ever so mindful of your suffering at the time too.

What a motley crew we are, yet still, with our invisible crutches, bandages, ice packs and valour... still we have love for one another

Can't say much more when like this but I did write a poem this morning:

THE TAKING AWAY

Silence.is.best.

on.days.like.today
Conflicting.thoughts.

cloud.the.way
Conversation 'briefs'

compound the pain
No.words.exist.for.

The.taking.away.
Shattered.to.pieces.

in.less.than.an.hour
No.i.cannot.speak.it,

cant Ieven shout
"Call.your.son"

the.dr.said,

but.how.do.i.say

"your.sister.is.d...?"
No, no.words.exist.

for.days.like.today
Silence.my.soft.place.

to.shield.it.away

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 Jan 2021, 1:46 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

❤️ @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2021, 1:54 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sitting with you silently @Former-Member 💖💖💖

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

PeriSenior Contributor26 Jan 2021, 2:08 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

My thoughts are with you. , sitting quietly near you @Former-Member

💞peri

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor26 Jan 2021, 9:50 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

My dear @Former-Member ... I dont think words can ever truly express how you would feel around the sudden and devastating loss of your beautiful young daughter. But the poem that you wrote this morning is very poignant and I imagine it expresses some of your inner pain around it. I personally find that writing poetry can sometimes release words and feelings that otherwise would not get out. Poetry is a very honest and raw form of expression. So well done to you.

The past week or more has been so difficult for you EOR, but today is almost over. And soon this tragic anniversary will be over for another year. I know it doesnt just disappear overnight, I realise the painful memories will linger for a while yet. But the worst if now over, and you can pick up the reins and live again.

I hope your Son is okay, and I hope little Georgia is keeping you company and being her usual delightful self.

I am also thinking of you @Eve7 , with this being an anniversary of loss for you as well.

Love and comforting hugs for both of you. And something which I hope will bring you some comfort.

Emelia 💞

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2021, 10:35 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Vow of silence doesn't include the written word. I let my boy know I'm thinking of him too. He said something like:

'Thanks mum. I miss her and I miss the family we had. But I know that while those good times are in the past the future can hold many more, if I allow that for myself. I’m glad you’re my mum and I love you and what we have. Thank you for doing all that you do'

Hey 😌 can't ask for more than that 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 12:15 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Awww @Former-Member thats so lovely of your son. But I would expect kindness and thoughtfulness from any child of yours. Goodness does rub off. 😊🌷🌞🌹

Emelia 💞

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