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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2021, 1:09 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Emelia - it's not a 'rave' but it will do given how much of a mess i can be. btw I was just rereading and I really liked those images you posted the other day. Grief needs to be validated to move past andvou do that so well, thank you.
So many of images given me are wonderful, but one that stands out this week is the sunflower you posted @Faith-and-Hope and I can't quite put my finger on why, I know your mum liked sunflowers 🌻 and that they are symbolic of eternal life (where my girl awaits me) but I think it's the lighting, it seems to draw me into the picture, emotionally, toward the sun behind the flower with an overwhelming peace - thank you 🤗🔆💕
I need to put fresh flowers by her headstone today. Always a little Sunflower or two. Not easy, or necessary, just because i care, or something... I have no idea... 🤔 tradition maybe, I know she's not there, She's with God, and in spirit, not iin the ground,,
or bound to it anymore, Op, now I'm rambling. Wish me luck 🥀

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 2:23 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

❤️ @Former-Member ......

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

SnowieSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 2:33 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member sitting with you hun, hoping today goes as good as it can for you.

💜💚💛

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 3:56 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Lovely to hear about your kind words from your boy @Former-Member Heartwarming

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 9:35 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2021, 10:03 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @ Faith-and-hope. @ Zoe7 @ Snowie @ Adge @ Em... What y'as up to tonight?
Zoe7 hoping your tooth has settled, think I read somewhere you're waiting root canal? 😧 Are your parents doing better?
I'm just watching 'The Dish' (background noise really, good music) . Had a friend visit with flowers this arvo, that was a surprise. Thanks for being here, putting up with me. Im Starting to feel I can exhale a little now 💙💙💙
@Eve7 how are you managing? 🥀🙏

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 10:09 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 🌹

That was a nice surprise to get flowers from a friend today. 👍

We have both had lovely surprises today. 💖

Oh that is good that you finally feel you can breathe again. Its been such a difficult couple of weeks for you.

What am I up to? Been watching TV in my unit, but about to turn out the light. And hopefully sleep.

Hope you sleep well my friend.

Emelia 💞💤

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 10:53 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

The Notifications are back on (working,) @Former-Member @Emelia8

Yippee

I can finally find posts & threads.

Just when I have to go to bed now....

Oh well.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember27 Jan 2021, 11:56 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Emily8 Oh, I forgot you were staying in units again. Bit of a break from him I guess. Make the most of it xox

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 Jan 2021, 9:57 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Teeth were really sore yesterday @Former-Member but have settled a bit more today - not the same pain. just uncomfortable now. The dentist started the root canal on Monday and I am back in a few weeks for it to all be finished ...of course if there is ongoing pain I will be back earlier but have work next week so tht will be difficult too - not at all good timing to get it all done

My Dad's foot had another infection so he is on restricted duties again (not that it seems to stop him but that is why it got infected again so hoping this time he thinks more about what he is capable of doing). Mum is doing okay - still on crutches but getting around a bit better. She can stand for longer periods now so is able to do a feww smaller things but we still need to do most of the housework. My sister is walking their dogs every day as well - she is an absolute angel My parents are very lucky to have her living so close now and having her help with everything.

So lovely of your friend to vsiit with flowers Hon - that is such a lovely surprise - and so well timed for you. I hope that gave you a little lift - there are some wonderful, caring people in this world and I feel really happy for you that you have connected with one of them

You got through another year and another anniversary @Former-Member and have done really well to do so - never an easy thing to do but you not only did it but had a lovely moment with your son also ...really proud of you and really happy that your son recognised and validated your feelings as well as opened up about his own ...can only make that bond between you stronger

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