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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 Jan 2021, 11:21 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yes Hon - feeling a lot better today and am going to get stuck into some repairs outside. Priority one is my front gate. I thought I would need to take it off to repair but I think I can do it where it is - saves a lot of extra work. Once that is done I can begin repairing my garden bench. It needs a whole new side made as it has completely rotted through - that will be a bigger job but getting it started will be a bonus. Lots of little things to do as well - mainly reinforcing or nailing things back in place - so whilst it is not hard work it will take time @Former-Member I will get a lot ticked off my list for these holidays thoug if I can get it all done today 👍

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor09 Jan 2021, 11:24 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good morning @Former-Member 🌺

Sorry to hear of the triggers which have set off your anxiety.

I recall where I was when those dreadful floods hit SEQ ... I was with my husband visiting his family in WA. It was shocking viewing, just awful. I hope the Brisbane lockdown accomplishes what they want it to and that they have caught the COVID before it bolts. That should mean an end to the short shutdown and a return to normal as quickly as possible. Hope thats the case for both you and your boy, as well as for the whole of QLD for that matter. And the country.

Gee the treadmill didnt last long! Thankfully its under warranty and will get fixed at no cost ... although it sounds like its out of action for around a week. Which is not ideal. I'm glad you have furbaby to keep you comforted. And given the cool weather, bed is a great place to be right now. I wish I could have stayed in bed this morning ... it was really hard getting out I can tell you. Yesterday was quite cool here, today is a couple of degrees warmer.

Rest up and take care.

Emelia 💞🐶

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor09 Jan 2021, 11:40 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yard cleanup with Toby supervising @Zoe7 Sounds a good achievement.

Good morning @Former-Member

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 Jan 2021, 1:01 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Naughty little Tobes got out through my neighbours a while ago @Adge and I found him on the road - first time he has ever done that. Need to put the temporary barrier up again so he can't get out. One minute he was sitting next to me at the gate and the next minute he was gone - scared the shite out of me. Thank goodness there were no cars around. I will have to leave him inside while I am working in the front yard until I do that barrier.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2021, 7:38 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Don't know what to say.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor09 Jan 2021, 8:31 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks for your "Deep Breaths" @Former-Member

Thanks for you Support Button in Worry Room @Zoe7 & @Emelia8

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 Jan 2021, 9:21 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Adge 👍

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor11 Jan 2021, 9:44 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks for the earlier tag @Former-Member @and asking about my night.

I was a bit of a mess really but managed to sleep ok with the help of extra meds.

Anyway how are you? Have you done anything much today?

💜🦋💜

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember12 Jan 2021, 9:32 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Eve7 I'm ok enough, by dithering... not getting much done... not finishing what I start... concentration poor, house messy... no progress fixing treadmill... toot not flushing - need plumber... back hurts to sit or walk - but I can walk. A cuz rang me y'day - lovely long catchup chat... my son's B'day today (Brisbane), will ring later... trying to sort office / sewing room so I can actually find things... heard something in garage O/N ?mouse - so really need to get in there, put hate around... Feeling ugly... useless... unloved... dragging my feet... Guessing it's the climate memories, bad dates, media rehashing 2011 floods that same month my girl died 😟 (10yrs they keep saying 😢) isvall messing with my headvi think,, & heart💔 all underneath.... ... but trusting it will pass... eventually... somehow. Trying my best to function - but need to try harder. My friend in town here is away up Nth Qld - on holiday. She doesn't & 'get-it' really. Neither do I really - 10yrs I SHOULDN'T be like this... and so tired of feeling alone... ive tried to reply to so many here but concentration poor and not surprised so many friends even here on the forums have have moved on (don't bother with me anymore) which I can't seem to stop it hurting when I'm ignored... (oops, also don't wanna give satisfaction by the knowing).
:face_with_rolling_eyes: "2011 floods have left the communities here with a 'TINGE OF SADNESS' WE ALL NEED TO LIVE WITH" said a retired policeman just now on talkback radio 😢 😞 - understatement of the year. Not fair! I listen to radio for company... not triggers 😟😢
Oh well, I've put the dog out for pee, fed her, checked her water... but back to bed... sciatica - back... and just plain lazy I guess. Will try harder.... Thanks for checking in, need a bit more sleep 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor12 Jan 2021, 12:11 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Dear @Former-Member 🌺

So sorry about all the triggering memories and reminders around this time of year ... its so hard, I know.

Sorry also about the sciatica, back pain, etc. And that your treadmill is yet to be fixed.

Eeek, mice ... I have a bit of a phobia of rodents. Only a couple of weeks ago it sounded like a herd of horses galloping around in our ceiling. I put some baits up there, and all quiet again now thankfully. It was rats ... found a deceased one in the garden a couple of days ago. 👍😲

Thank goodness for our furbabies aye? At least, their presence forces us to bring some semblance of normality into our lives. Gotta luv 'em. 🐶💜

Happy birthday to your son for today. 🎉

I hope some bed rest today will help with your sciatic pain. Perhaps an anti inflammatory as well, and a bit of gentle stretching exercises could help too.

Emelia 💗

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