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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 Jan 2021, 10:01 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Adgevvno wonder you're crackin' up ATM, thats a LOT of triggers - everything going wrong at the same time - no time to braces yaself or process before the next. Totally relate. Please be kind to yourself, im working at it here, to still my soul. 💕

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:02 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

So good to hear from you this evening @Former-Member . I can understand your distress around the lockdown of Greater Brisbane. Just hope its only for the 3 days. Perhaps the surprise you had considered for your Son next Tuesday can still go ahead? Hope so.

Please don't feel you need to visit any other threads while you are struggling as you are. Stay here, and let us all come to you. I know when you can, you will go back to being your usual lovely supportive self all around the forums.

Please take good care EOR, and give your furbaby a big cuddle from me too. Love and hug to you.

Emelia 💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember08 Jan 2021, 10:05 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Emelia8 💗🌻

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:12 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7

Thanks @Former-Member

Yep Compounded (repeated) triggers is not good - Takes much longer to recover.

In the mean time, the people whose harsh words or bad behaviour Was the Trigger (yes it's usually people) - Happily Go About their Business, Oblivious to the chaos that they just caused.

So Not Fair.

Yes Taking Responsibility for My Own Triggers (not Blaming) is One thing (Psych keeps telling me) - These people Need to Take Responsibility for the Effects of their own (selfish) Behaviour.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:17 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unfortunately @Adge some people just cannot see past their own behaviour and the effects it has on others. Those type of people like to hear their own voices - it makes them feel important but the consequences for others can be profound. That, I know, doesn't help you much right now but do not give them another thought - they do not deserve your time nor energy - grrr!

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:28 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Adge Have you got your diffuser on tonight? Some lavendar and rainbow lights might be nice.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:29 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 Yes you are right.

It's often people who "Need to feel important" - by giving their unsolicited opinion.

I find that Very Invalidating.

Because the organisations & Jobs they were insisting was "New Advice" (Not Done Before) - "I have Already Applied For" (Already Done).

They did not want to hear that (when I told them) - Their Ears Were Closed.

So they ignored me (A Big Trigger).

What they Wanted to Hear from Me (& Nothing Else) was - "That's New, I've Never Done That Before, I've Never Even Thought of That".

Which would be a lie - Because I have already done that....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:31 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I had Diffuser On for most of today @Zoe7 It is lovely (rainbow lights), quite Calming.

Oh I forgot - I've goto try to get Jelly Cat to come inside for the night....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:33 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Jelly Cat refused to come in.

She might stay out all night, not a good idea.

Now she's been consigned to the "Naughty List"....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Jan 2021, 10:36 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That is both annoying and frustrating @Adge and sooooo unhelpful. Closed ears can upset me too - makes you feel invisible and when you try to interject to tell the reality and they shut you down that is just plain rude - people can be super nasty sometimes getting lost in their own self importance.

So glad you got your diffuser - mine is my primary coping tool aside from Tobes.

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