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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Emelia8 , beer turned into beers, Cold one was nice, but the third one tipped most of out, Pool was nice when first got in, Chatted with neighbours that joined, then made excuses to leave.

I like being alone most of the time, sorry to read about your hot water 💦, could you ask a neighbour to help today, or just turn up at there door, with your towel and stuff, most people are nice, thats what I need to believe anyway, good luck my friend, hope today is OK.

from Clawde.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Adge @Zoe7 @Clawde @Emelia8 and anyone reading along.
Hope you have a good day 🔆
Emelia8... did you H/W break down? 😣 Noting like boiling the kettle and a good sponge shower. Good excuse to 'get smelly' lol

🌿 Really hope I can keep this Orchard gift alive Adge... first thing I gotta do is find a safe spot near a window 🤔

🐜 This greenant bite still hurts, quite inflamed and itchy this morning - just had to put ice on it 🙁 bother.

Things here are quiet again after Chrissy. The weather is cooler and everything's so green with the wonderful rains. That distant traffic humm and busy human activity is missing 🤗 really like that!! You can almost feel the neighbourhood exhaling. At peace for a change.

Yep, I did have Christmas with my boy, and an old friend dropped by with hubby, and gifts (my boy enjoys her hubby's company which was nice...
and that rare feeling of extended family is good (a church blessing / spinoff we often forget). Mums furbaby is happy & enjoying her recent groom (much cooler), and my new unit is working out. Can't ask for more than that. The sad memories still come to invade the present, and take my breath away at times (especially losing dad this year), and I don't know what to do some days... but those moments seem to take their place in the tapestry of life more quickly these days, especially as I remember my faith (all we DO have in Jesus) and those 'higher' things...

This morning i've had my cuppa ✔️ pills ✔️ 'digestive' bikky ✔️ put fur baby out for pee ✔️ answered a heavy email ✔️ (a friend just outa hospital after big surgery).

I'm back in bed atm, typing this, 'cause my back still hurts sitting. But the headache is fading. Really should try harder to go for a long walk today.

Can't believe Christmas is over!
I survived!!!
WE all did 🎉

So cool having you guys to check in with 💞
Thanks ,🙏

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sounds like you've had a very productive start to your day @Former-Member 👍💕

Yes thats right ... no hot water, so I discovered when I turned on the taps in the shower yesterday afternoon. 😔

Need to get onto a plumber tomorrow, or at least try to. Not a good time to be getting a tradie in.

Yes I recall when I used to light the fire under the big old copper in the laundry to heat up bath water for our Sunday baths. One of us kids after the other in the bath, all clean for school the next morning. We have things so easy these days in some respects dont we, compared to the old days?

Sorry to hear your green ant bite is still troublesome. Ice will help hopefully. Your cooler day today sounds bliss. We are expecting a hot day today, but storms to come through late arvo to bring in a cooler change. Bring it on!

I really hope that you can make that orchid thrive EOR. I have a couple of orchids in my garden around my fish pond. They are quite hardy, and have been doing well for years. They are in a very sheltered spot and seem to love it.

Off to watch a bit of cricket over a cuppa now. Catch you later.

Emelia 🌸

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Lovely to read such a positive post @Former-Member and will be interested to see how your orchid goes. They are beautiful plants and I am too going to take @Adge 's advice and get another one soon. I can move a plant in the kitchen where there is filtered light from the window and see if it survives there. 👍

That greenant bite sounds annoying and painful still - hope the ice helped and it eases soon. I am allergic to mosquitoes so any bite from them causes a lot of itching, swelling and pain - I have medication to take but also need ice to help reduce the itching and swelling.

I hope your headache and back pain reduce today Hon - neither is easy to live with I had both yesterday too along with more tooth pain but spent most of the day on the couch either asleep or resting ...and had pain killers to help so today feeling much better. Might even get myself up and do a few things also later. The rain has stopped, the sun is out but it is not too warm so a good day to be outside and do some of those things in the garden that need doing ...see how I feel later though - don't want to over do it.

Hugs and hugs to you and @Adge @Eve7 @Clawde and anyone else visiting here

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I have a little orchid on the bathroom window sill which flowers every year and I have one outside which has a lovely yellow flower.

Unfortunately, I can’t remember the name of either.

Off to meet Bluey and Bingo 🤞

Have a lovely day.

@Zoe7 @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh the kids at school LOVE Bluey @Eve7 (and so do I ) Enjoy your day Hon - sounds like it will be fun

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear @Eve7 waiting for the triangle to disappear - doing me a frustrate lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh Bluey and Bingo from today @Eve7 - very cool ...thank youfor allowing me to enjoy a piece of your day with you

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Master 5 was sooo excited and even wore his Bluey undies @Zoe7 It was quite pleasant inside during the show due to social distancing. Miss 3 was hoping to see Emma Wiggle but still enjoyed Bluey.

I was banned from the big Redcar due to my wrist being in a cast!!

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