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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor11 Dec 2020, 4:33 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm sending you Comforting Vibes & Prayerful thoughts @Former-Member

The Funeral has already passed (I gather) - If it was 11.30am this morning (8.30am my WA time).

Best Wishes to you...

Those pictures of your Doggie are lovely.

Adge

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor11 Dec 2020, 8:08 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Dear @Former-Member ... your furbaby Georgia looks so sweet. Our babies are such a blessing.

Im a bit confused as to whether your dads funeral was today or tomorrow. Thinking probably today, in which case its over by now. Hope you got to watch live stream, and your son was there to watch with you. How are you holding up tonight? Such a highly emotional time for you.

Standing by you to help support you as best I can.

Much love.

Emelia 😔🌷

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Dec 2020, 12:32 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Thinking of you Hon

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember12 Dec 2020, 12:51 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Bow @Adge @Zoe7 @Emelia8 @Anastasia @ The funeral was today - Friday 11th, Livestream worked well (thanks to my son) I saw the right ppl, heard the voices and tears, seeing the coffin was hard - a lot of dad's side were there, none of mum's side, lots of cousins. Some there haven't visited dad for years (I don't get that) I cried during the last post. Seeing the coffin with flag draped over it.. my head can't compute,vdads not in there. The RSL delegate walked up to dad's coffin and bowed before acknowledging anything else. And again, the last thing he did when he left - really giving dad that honour. The slideshow was great, pictures I've not seen. I'm mixed up but having my son has been good. We went for drive to see lights and get takeaway. I'm tired. Talk tomorrow 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Dec 2020, 1:08 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💛🧡💚💙💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor12 Dec 2020, 1:26 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Former-Member ..... that sounds like the loveliest day it could have been for you, and for your son as well ...... what a great choice that was - so private and personal for both of you, and yet you were "there" in spirit and got to see it all.

Hugs Hon - so proud of you ❣️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor12 Dec 2020, 6:37 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm.so happy your son was with you for your Dad's service. That warms my heart @Former-Member . The service sounds like it honoured your Dad well. I'm pleased you were there in a way in which you were safe by your boys side and not around negative unforgiving individuals. You definitely made the right choice hun. 🙏

Your fur baby is adorable with the groom and little pink bows I just want to cuddle her to bits. My big lump thinks he's a lap dog but all feet and clumsy and knocks things over with his ever swinging tail 🐕

Proud of you with what you've suffered and you're still standing. Proud to call you my friend. Hugs and hugs and more hugs hun.

I'm off to the hairdresser today, shortly. She's like a dear friend, she knows so much about my situation and I hers. I feel lucky when I see her.

After that who knows, my boy was in ER last night not for him but to assist a mate who fell and injured himself badly. So a late night/early morning and possibly no night meds taken, so today/weekend could be a rollercoaster here, plus next to no sleep worrying about him for this black duck.

Anywho I better get up as I can't be late I can imagine she is fully booked today starting so early with me. 💇‍♀️

Take care of yourself my friend🙂💪✔️🌹💐💞

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

BowSenior Contributor12 Dec 2020, 6:47 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Sounds like it was just what you needed. Glad the day went well 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Dec 2020, 10:29 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I don't have a lot today @Former-Member so simply sending you love and hugs

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor12 Dec 2020, 10:38 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You've done so well @Former-Member ... very proud of you. And I have no doubt that your Dad would be too. 🌹

Ive attended a number of military funerals, and they are always very touching sombre affairs. The RSL do a very good job.

Glad to hear that the service, watched alongside your son, was special to you.

Chat later if you need to. Meanwhile, sending much love.

Emelia 💓

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