why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 🙏💞🌷🌹💐🙏

My heart breaks for you @Former-Member

Can't imagine your pain. Hoping my prayers bring some comfort xxxx🙏💞🙏

@Former-Member

Well, everyone's quiet and the weather is pleasant. The SI wave passed yesterday, nearly did (jumped up to, with anger, but stopped myself), the distraction of going out helped. Especially my Furbaby, she looked so beautiful after her grooming, and her new Groomer loved her, said "she was really REALLY very good" (well behaved) 😊 they even gave her the cutest little pink bow 🎀 I walked outta there like a proud mumma lol
My son rang, plans to come home with all his high tech equip to tune into dad's Funeral Livestream, and watch it together., All going well. The 4 brothers have organised a Military delegate (dad was Korean war vet). God is left outs the picture. Hope they CAN do Livestream, otherwise it will be nice to have time with my son. So, Today I'm catching up on cleaning, tidying this caos, changing bed linen, and put away Christmas stuff etc. Feel numb. Sorry I'm being self centred, and hope y'all ok. Just appreciate somewhere to come with friends 💙 who care 💙 Thanks 💙

Hi there @Former-Member ... you sound more settled now that decisions have been made, about whether to travel to funeral. I think you made the right choice ... for both your physical and emotional wellbeing. So pleased to hear that your Son is planning on coming down to your place so you can both watch the livestreamed funeral of your Dad together.

Sounds like today is a bit of a frenzied clean up day. Please dont go overboard with that ... you have your sciatica to consider. I too know what that is like. I have a long term lower back injury with two crunched herniated discs which play havoc with me sometimes. Sciatica all the time, but sometimes it gets considerably worse. So I definitely commiserate with you on that one. So please do take things easy for a bit to allow recovery. I know you've been lifting heavy stuff from storage and new chairs etc the past month ... which would have contributed to a worsening of your sciatica.

Your Dad was in the Korean War? Wow ... a true hero ... not just to you ... but to his country as well. Deepest respect to him.

Your little Georgia sounds such a good girl ... and beautifully groomed and looking delightful as well. The pink bow sounds so cute. Of course you are a proud mumma.

Sending lots of love EOR. Sorry I havent been around the past two days. Was reading about your twoing and froing about travelling to the funeral or not. And it was great to see all the lovely posts to support and advise you. But I really had little to add, so I stayed in the background a little. And I have been feeling a little quiet lately too. Sorry.

What time is the funeral service scheduled to be held tomorrow? I will be thinking of you in the leadup and the aftermath. I hope the livestream is as good as what my father-in-laws service was for us. Amazing how quickly they set these things up in the middle of the COVID crisis where nobody could travel and funerals were limited to 2.

Sending love to you my beautiful and wise, but deeply saddened, friend.

Emelia 💕

Yes @Emelia8 - I'm more settled, know what I'm doing now, watching Livestream with my son is something, good andi gess - takes away a bit of the pain from being LEFT OUT of the planning or participating. Another opportunity for my sister to make contact lost, deliberately 😢 She's been so stubborn in her resolve to forget I exist. It hurts still. She gets Bro2 on side and they're vindictive. Anyway, think I'm coming to terms with that loss too, I want to forget them now, finally, let them have what they want - NO big sister! Let them go to God and stop expecting / hoping / orlooking / waiting for contact 😞 Never thought I'd give up on my baby sister 😢 but all is lost and I accept that now. She really doesn't care about me in the slightest, so I'll keep praying for her🙏 the boys i was never really close to. So the hurt of losing dad is doubled, I can't help it and it's made me flat. I want to die. My son's worried about his dad having heart surgery next week. So I'll see Christmas out but not feeling loved, well, my son maybe, when he's in the mood. Gotta not expect so much from life. 'tis what it is.... 😭

Thank you for saying "I think you made the right choice" - not driving down to dad's funeral, many would gasp & judge. No win situation, but staying away from the hurt.

Ha, "a frenzied clean up day" kinda happened, but didn't finish as my back - ouch! had to rest a lot. Sounds like you know it well, I too know what that is like, we can be Sciatica Sisters, those herniated discs grr.

Don't apologize for not being around as much as usual,. Honestly want you to put yourself first with what youre dealing irl 💙 I'm not surprised you're

feeling a little quiet, I get it (((💕))).

The funeral is 1130 tomorrow? It will be nice knowing you're thinking of me ("holding me in the light") I'm hoping the Livestream works and it's not sabotaged. Glad you did this with your FIL. 😢

Good night 😴

This is my furbaby's hair cut 😇

@Former-Member Is the funeral today or tomorrow?