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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AnastasiaSenior Contributor09 Dec 2020, 3:24 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thinking and praying for you my friend

@Former-Member 🙏💞🌹

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Dec 2020, 9:20 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I SHOULD attend
but

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Dec 2020, 11:08 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

sciatica really bad again this morning, stitches are pulling, dad's died (youngest of his generation), whole family broken, funeral Friday - What do YOU think Jesus meant when He said "let the dead bury the dead" oh I donno. Been waiting 3wks for furbaby's apt with groomer at 11am today, and I have a CT scan of back at 2om. Had to ring them again to confirm time, lost my diary "don't know if I'm Arthur or Martha" at the moment, haven't showered all week. Oh God, a huge wave of "just go kiil yourself" came over me. It frightens me. Must be demonic. Oh boy, I have to down screen a while. Love you guys 💛

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 Dec 2020, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yo are going through so much @Former-Member without having the added stress of back pain and stitches pulling. I know that back pain and that alone is excruciating so go easy on yourself Hon. How did the CT scan go?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Dec 2020, 8:55 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh no @Zoe7 I panicked again, tried to climb out again, had to stop and calm myself. Don't know why this has started happening with CTs - I even had x3 different relaxants this time, hate to see how I would be if I hadn't done them, but he convinced me to try again and we pulled it off. Took a while though cause they were looking at kidneys as well (with contrast) and couldn't find ureters, had to stand me up for gravity to move the radium contrast down ureters & x-ray it. standing up... which worked. No results yet. though. Backpain is intermittent and arthritic in nature (when overdo it of lift heavy things...) so bet that's all that it flare up. What are your back issues Zoe? Have you had an injury? Sorry I can't remember.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 Dec 2020, 9:26 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh what a day for you @Former-Member But you got it done and that is an achievement 👍 I hope the results come back quickly and there is nothing major to deal with - you have enough on your plate presently.

I have degeneration of several discs, arthritis in the lower spine, a bulging disc in my lower back and occasional pinched nerves. I also have nerve damage in my neck from a sporting injury so that causes headaches and some upper back referred pain at times too - all in all falling apart lol

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Dec 2020, 9:43 pm AEDT