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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Shutting down re dad's funeral since found out Bro2 changed venue (mum & dad's last wishes expressed on pre-production funeral plan) He's taken over, doesn't even tag me in msgs, my aunt fwd one to me when realised he's not passing on things... she's not going to dad's funeral (more there than what I know) It's all doing my head in. I can't think of it anymore. I've said my goodbyes to dad a long time ago, when I felt pushed out of the picture so abruptly. I cared for him for that 8months after mum died, hope that stands as a good enough goodbye 😢 The others bitch no matter what I do. And what they do now cannot hurt dad anymore... I had a dream mum was waiting for him and so happy to see him and they walked off into the mist together.... they loved each other so much... Dad is not here anymore, what they do with his body doesn't matter - he is not there.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I’m short on words this morning @Former-Member but offering big hugs.

💙🤗💙🤗💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 😔🌹🍀💔😘

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

MaggieSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member I only caught up on the worry room post.

Sending you ❣️❣️❣️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Nothing done all day again, still teary, found out where dads funeral service is Its not the church they stipulated but a cemetery chapel. And Qld health has update has opened boarder to ALL of Sydney & NSW. So, do I drive down or not? I can't remember what I walked into the kitchen for half the time, and feel weak, there's SI(#4) and phasing / floating a lot (disociative) so not sure a 12hr drive alone would be safe. Do you think it's worth trying? My son's locked in with work contracts. There's nobody to help, or be with. My cuz recently offered a bed should it come to this but she tx to say she now has full house suggesting an unfavorable ♂️ cuz place I hardly know 😒 It sounds like thell be a good sendoff for dad, with or without me. He has gone, thevsiblings have no time for me, but I he sane extended family I reconnected with and new church friends i made in Sydney, they will be there no matter what.
My sister has given my son Funeral Details (his promoting) and he fwd it to me today. I don't know why my sis can't grow up and just email me herself. I still grieve my sister. This is the living losses that make the necessary losses so much harder.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

💜 @Former-Member .....

Could you make the trip in stages, so it becomes a series of shorter drives rather than one long one ?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That's a good idea @Faith-and-Hope - was thinking that, i'd have to leave tomorrow. My confidence Itsis shot. And I'm not use to crowds anymore. Social phobia over the top. Its what's waiting there for me too, that's the worry, more emotional abuse andin feelingone corner, great smiles expected in the other... And all while stsnding alone 💕 or sitting with someone someone else hates... then cope it later... I donno, maybe I am "mentally ill" (who wouldn't be around them lol). Maybe I'm just too lazy, everything's an effort 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Everything is an effort when we are suffering grief, anxiety, depression @Former-Member, and you certainly have reason for it all ...... gently, gently ...... seek out the way ......

Hugs ❣️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I agree with @Faith-and-Hope here @Former-Member Grief is such a horrible thing and takes it's toll on us even when we are not also struggling with depression and anxiety. You are the only one that can truly know what you can deal with but if you choose to attend the funeral then taking your time to get there may be a really good option. If that means leaving tomorrow and staying somewhere tomorrow night then so be it - a 12 hour drive is so long so breaking it up over 2 days is a good option. On your family - they are not the ones you would be there for and you only need to deal with them as little as you have to. You will be there for your beloved Dad and whilst it may be difficult with all the trauma your family have caused you over the years - it is truly only your Dad that you would be there for and once you have sent him off then you can leave. No matter what you decide Hon it is going to be a very sad day so allow yourself to feel that pain and loss

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Gosh @Former-Member I am cross with your family. My family is extremely dysfunctional but we can pull ourselves together “for such a time as this”! Having said that there was some drama after my sister’s funeral.

As others have said, you’re the only one who can make an informed decision on whether or not you attend.

Stop overnight somewhere nice (beach or mountains), listen to your fav music and do it for your Dad.

If you don’t go, do something special at home and but yourself a treat.

Please stay safe and remember you’re the only one answerable for what you decide.

Big love

💙🤗💙

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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