Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

161 - 170 of 2,720

1...16 17 18...272

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor23 Mar 2019, 10:29 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

Your enthusiasm is catchy, made me smile and I needed a smile.

Wont share more big stuff as I did a big spill on a thread called "Fragile" which you are free to join in.

I have fundraiser for choir today, practise tomorrow.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember23 Mar 2019, 8:14 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7 @Appleblossom

Liking your posts because the system won't let me do it the usual way. Or edit... bit over it 😕 Anyway, Gotchya posts.

Today I bought x2 new cot mattresses at an OP shop $20 each. This will be my 'L' shape lounge / bed 🙂 Figure the springs will be more comfe than foam.

Its starting to come together. The neighbours cat was intrigued, stepping up in to investigate, then sit in the doorway looking out at me 🙂 friendly little thing.

You know, it occurred to me that there's nobody in my REAL life I can tell about my new wheels... Their seems to be negativity & opposition to my Road Trip plans... I'm glad I have you guys here though 🙂

Will try venture out to find your threads more.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor23 Mar 2019, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Maybe dont go on 4 wheel drive tracks. @Former-Member

There is a grey nomad thing happening. Lotsa people do it.

What were their worries?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor23 Mar 2019, 9:41 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You are slowly getting things together for the van @Former-Member It is all pretty exciting from where I am sitting - an brand new adventure you will be on and on your own time and when you want

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember23 Mar 2019, 10:07 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

🚐

I think its exciting, but ppl think

- its not safe

- I won't look after myself

- its not good for the dog

- cars break down

- its getting too cold

- too lonely

Anyway, done it now

I don't know anymore

Its keeping me alive...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor23 Mar 2019, 11:18 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I personally think it is a great thing you are doing @Former-Member - get out there and experience life while you can. You never know what will be around the corner and what wonderful experiences you may have if you don't give it a go. This could be amazing for you EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Mar 2019, 3:13 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Ever get that feeling of DRED - that you've made a terrible mistake?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 Mar 2019, 8:53 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I think what you are feeling is quite natural @Former-Member You have been on an adrenalin high since you got the van and with the release of a little of that adrenalin you are having some moments of thinking you have made a mistake. What you are doing is very brave and also exciting but there is also the reality of getting everything ready and then actually getting out on your own. That can also be quite scary but I have the belief in you that not only can you do that but you will enjoy the adventure also.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2019, 12:35 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7, appreciate your post, while

You know, while clucking around in the van I had a terrible thought that iIwas doing out my own coffin 😞 ... ... and that triggers the anxiety ... that I'll mess up, get too stressed and not be able to find help, and quietly slip away. ......

REALLY HATE THESE NVASIVE DEATH THOUGHTS! They're not mine! Idont want them! Yet here iiam stuck with this involuntary mental default, especially when iileast need it 😞 Are we, the depressed EVER free of them? My 'thorn in the he flesh' maybe... so exhausting.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor25 Mar 2019, 7:13 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I hear your fears @Former-Member but don't let them take over the adventure that is before you also. You are doing something many people wish they could do - getting out and going where they want to when they want to. I think what you are doing is very brave and when you have done travelling around you can settle down into one spot where you will get to know people and they will get to know you.

161 - 170 of 2,720

1...16 17 18...272