why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Appleblossom, you have been through a lot, yet here you are. x 2 siblings passing to suicide 😞 must be a horror movie in your memory, any wonder you have battled taking the same road yourself. I'm so sorry, but glad you're here, after all that, we need to know others can survive it. I lost a baby but not ready to talk about that yet. Loss leaves permanent scars.

I left home at 16 too, was your home traumatic like mine? I also wonder if my leaving so young helped me in some way, to be out from under my mother's abuse and her brotner's grr. I don't wanna talk about that either.

strengthen the cacks & keep going

Apple, I don't mind talking about being suicidal, actually takes the power out of it a lot. Took me years to realise it was the anxiety attached to the death visions that caused most my distress, less anxious when we link in with others who know

- not alone

- can survive

...

thanks for being open with me

EOR

It is hard in some areas @Former-Member as everyone does seem to know everyone - there are connections everywhere. There always seems to be someone who knows someone else who you also know. I also lived in a small country town and that was much worse but Hobart is a relatively small place. I do like that it is also close to the beach and the bush wherever you live so that makes it quite special.

Oo oo! have to share something funny. When I got in the van for a test drive, I couldn't figure out how to move the seat fwd (re short legs) The very cut salesman reached between my legs without hesitation & before I knewvit I was adjusted. It shocked me at first, not knowingvwhat he was doinf... and I just had to blurt out 'Ol

Oops! Its been a long time since I had a man's hand between my legs' LOL He blushed and we laughed 🙂

Hello @Former-Member ,
I'm no expert at packing {I've had some real disasters in my day} & I camp in the back of my ute so everything gets put into containers & I put those containers into suitcases & I've recently got a roof rack bag, which is fabulous because it's fully enclosed . . . so all the containers in containers are contained 🙂 My parents had a motorhome & I noticed my Mother used a lot of foam, she cut it to fit the likes of draws & even the fridge! She also used a lot of those rubbed mats {they use them a lot in Aged Care, I used to be a Personal Carer}. My Father wasn't just a mechanic, he was an Engineer, he made some really clever latches & bars for the cupboards & benches, they even had bars on their beds that would latched up when sleeping & easily pulled back down, a bit like hospital beds {they had separate bunk beds}. I'd suggest looking it up on the internet or Guru Google as I call it 😉 As for drilling steel, again I'd say Google it, but I know you need the right drill bit; usually when you buy the bit it'll be written on it what it's for, wood, metal, masonry etc. Using a center punch to start the drill might be handy, depending on the type of metal your drilling & maybe even a little oil to lubricate & cool the drill bit. Congratulations on the new van!

@Appleblossom , you've made my day, I am not normally described as a practical person with a sense of humour . . . . it's sooooooo much better than 'the quiet one that doesn't socialize much' 😉

@Former-Member

Funny awkward thrill with the "help" putting that seat back! Hilarious.

Yes there are some things its best not to open, unless the time is right and there is a need.

Yet being able to mention life's realities without fear is huge for me. It has been hard to open my mouth and let things flow without censoring, as my mother put a lot of pressure on to silence me. Mostly I do that in a clinician's room, trying to learn how to socialise ... has not been easy.

@Exoplanet You have a rich inner life and a lot of resourcefulness.Many of us love reading along and keeping you company along with your dogs. It probably did help having an engineer as a father, but all goes into the magical uniqueness of you. I have not done much beyond the most basic of mechanics and renovating. With my neck I cant do things requiring repetitive movements or strain, but I love hearing that some woman can.

@Zoe7 you made it! Friday night... hope you've got your feet up 🙂 How ya feeling?

@Appleblossom feel free to share these heavy life issues with me here, I can't say I fully understand but have had a lot of life experience, not much I haven't seen / not easily shocked (unless of cause when a complete stranger reaches between my legs before I realised he was just feeling for the seat adjusting bar, yikes! lol)

You're in a choir aren't you... I'm listening to Cheltic Women 'Believe' atm, just beautiful stuff.

@Exoplanet welcome here, and thank you for sharing. Sure sounds like your parents gave you some great practical tools. Did you say you're living in a van too atm? I'd like to hear more about your day to day living this way. I'm just getting started so its all new for me.

Good idea to go online and get some training. I do need to SEE it I guess.

SO EXCITED to get started. It was a car, train, taxi, walking exercise pickinf up my new van. Twisted my knew gettingvin & out so gonna have to watch that (its a step up in, but I found a light weight stepping stool that I can pull into the car after me (which seems to solve the issue), fine once I'm in - love being that high up actually. I for home in the middle f a big storm, then it got dark, so I haven't started the moving in.yet. Looked though :). Definitely gonna fit things better and be easier to just step up into bed 🙂 That will be the first rhinklg I put in - the pine modular couch / bed 🙂 Reckon filing cabinets will to for storage for now. Conscious of weight and not having things rolling around. This will be the challenge, but there are rings buit into the floor to fasten things too, for now. Thinking of grabbing a pre lived baby's collapsible cot to put bits in. I love that you have containers in containers Exoplanet :), and using foam and bubble mats is a great idea. You sound very organised. Tomorrow I will start with the 'before & after photos... doing me good already 🙂 :).

Any plans for the weekend guys?

sorry about typos - it won't let me edit

It is great news to hear that you picked up your van @Former-Member I look forward to hearing all about how you set it up - so exciting

It was good to finish the week and get to the weekend - Fridays seem to be very long with a lunch duty with the Kinders and then the preps all afternoon. Next week I will only have 2 days at work as I have a 2 day workshop Monday and Tiesday. Those will be long days but I am interested in the topic so it should be good.

Hope you have a good weekend playing with your van