why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member I would love to be more Chatty, more often - I don't often have the energy, especially Text-Based communication (typing).

Verbal (even telephone) communication is far more effective, so much faster & more meaningful.

You said "New Normal" (Hee Hee) - That's a "Buzz Phrase" that people are saying, since the Upheaval (& massive job losses) of this C Virus.

I said to them "I want the Old Normal Back" - "I don't want this New Normal, because it isn't Normal".

The Job Applications (positions) are all High Stress, very Low Pay - Disability Support Work (again).

More of the Same, or Worse - No I don't really want any of them, because it simply Is Not Worth it.

The stress, the excessive totally unreasonable work expectations, the unpredictable working hours (& lack of), the lack of enough $$ or reliable income to Pay my Essential Bills.

No Thanks - Yet those are the most positions (jobs) available - & that's what I most easily get considered (interviewed) for.

Probably because the pay is Dirt Cheap, so that's why so many job ads for disability work.

Plus one Temping/ Casual Horticulture Position - That's far more my passion/ expertise.

Yet it involves Labouring (heavy work), & my body cannot take that - constantly changing hours & places, because it's temping (agency) casual.

Thanks for your support & interes, I appreciate it.

Yes I should watch Finding Nemo, I would enjoy it - I like Dory.

I'm a Sucker for Notting Hill (Hugh Grant & Julia Roberts), yep love that one.

& Elizabeth Town (Orlando Bloom & Kirsten Dunst).

Yep goto cook & eat well, even though there's no-one to eat it with - Jelly Cat would happily pinch some of my meal, if she could.

No, thankfully I don't dream of childhood abuser often (this is virtually a first).

I wish I could identify my Triggers, I usually cannot - I just sort of know when I've been triggered (afterwards), yet do not know what triggered me.

Psych has been promising to do EMDR with me (specifically on trauma memories) for several years - yet she makes excuses every time, always puts it off.

I have never done even One (not one) EMDR session - after waiting, hoping on Psych's promises, for several years (at least).

That Is Triggering - Disappointment, feeling let down, cannot trust anyone's promises, etc, etc.

I'm sad, sorry that you've had contact with your childhood abusers as - at your Mum's Funeral, that's so tough.

Yes they are fake, people like that are full of denial & false bravado.

I cringe, when cousin M (abuser) has been anywhere near me - makes me feel sick.

He's a totally Narcissist (utterly self-centred & manipulative), creepy.

Sorry you were triggered, whilst writing about that.

@Former-Member

I am a bit stretched, but hanging in there. Thank you for caring. I am not used to anybody caring about me. Yes my son had sleep issues for a long time and the meds are making it worse.

Talking about abusive cousin being at mother's funeral resonated with issues in my extended family. @Adge Hope some better dreams are around the corner.

Lovely that you both are posting a lot more. Maybe me being selfish and wanting familiar faces.

Hugs and take care of you.

@Former-Member

Thanks @Zoe7 love that gif!

I'm happier today case m son rang me back this morning, and he sounds so happy. Said his contracts wind down next month so wants to get together then.

How are you?

I had a big day today, really sore (systemic inflammatory response) after visited friend, long walk and gardening. Too much sun I guess but good to get things done.

Gonna have to have analgesic+ and go to bed 💙💙💙

Night everyone 😴

@

Really pleased that you heard from your son today @Former-Member and that you will likely be catching up with him next month. 💓👍

Sounds like a busy and productive day for you all round. Very satisfying I'm sure. 😄 Hope the analgesic enables a pain free and restful sleep. Good night. 😴💖

Emelia 🌷

So pleased about your son @Former-Member

I hope your aches and pains reduce over night - you have certainly been doing a lot the last few days but it is good to get things done - gives us a little lift at times.

I have been watching the footy - my team lost but it wasn't unexpected so not too disappointed. Proud of how far they have come this year.

I have had a nothing day - went to the tip early this morning and have stayed on the couch all day - slept a lot but needed it. Will need to get organised tomorrow for work on Monday but only have 3 days this week as Thursday is a public holiday here and Friday no kids so should be able to get through the week okay.

Will try to catch you tomorrow when I get a break. Hugs and hugs for when you are next about

Hi @Former-Member Re: No Therapy Debriefing -

Yes I've been told that (fobbed off) repeatedly, too.

"It might be too Re-traumatising" (to let me talk about it) etc etc

Despite them promising to work on my traumas with me - that would mean encouraging me to talk about it (which they never did).

Of course you needed (or wanted) to talk about it, when your daughter died.

I needed to talk about my Dad (& my Grief), when Dad died - no therapist would listen (they changed the subject).

Yes Meetup Groups - my Psych wants me to go to some, or join some.

I have been to some, years ago - None recently.

I'm glad your aches have eased a bit.

Adge

Hi @Adge sorry bit slow replying... again :face_with_rolling_eyes: Counselling / therapy is definately somewhat inadequate. Guess you get good and bad in every profession. But more than that... I'm starting to think the whole Mental Health bubble, and the DSM is fundamentally flawed 👎 Primative and too dependent on pharmaceuticals. But what would I know. One lay counsellor with church once walked me through a violent childhood (11yrs) rape that I'd not told anyone. She helped me see for cetain it was NOT my fault. And I am greatful.

I'm sorry you haven't managed to find one good counsellor to help you process your past with some substance. One thing that has helped me is to talk with the Holy spirit (Jesus) in prayer, about specific incidents that come up, one at a time. You heard the slogan "what would Jesus do" - I like to seek "what would Jesus say?" (not a faithless human)... get the bigger picture so to speak, a birds eye view, God's perspective. There is a scripture in the Bible where Jesus says "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were dr#wned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!"

There will be a reckoning for all.

Sorry you didn't get to talk through the losing ya dad. It would be good. I couldn't with mum, and dad's dementia is a living loss. I felt alone in the world when I realised I'd lost them both. Not logical, but the child within is still us.

Greek culture seems to have a more grounded approach to death and life milestones... and it's community based... family! Not 9-5 paid help, drugs or volunteer strangers on the end of a crisis line. Trick is NOT to get into crisis, think. But what would I know :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Are you holding together?

Did I tell ya I got another load from storage yesterday? The fridge 😕 but I actually did it laying on its side and got kind neighbour to help me stand it back up. I strained my heart i think (re high blood pressure) as chest stiffness dull ache since, so resting since, fluids only... almost gone tonight. One more load left and I can hand the storage shed key back. Maybe tomorrow, weather and health permitting.. see how I feel. That will be the end of that chapter in that own where I raised the kids, DV, 5yrs family court battle, and lost my girl 😢 Talk about 40yrs in the wilderness. I'm getting my house in order, what's left of it, without interference from anyone anymore. Its lonely but I'm finally sorting through the quagmire - inside and out. Not sure if that makes any sense. @@ @Appleblossom @ would know what I mean I think ,💙

Oh dear, this is much longer than planned sorry. Need a cuppa 💙