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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

More overthinking like ... 'your friend just lost their earth tent'.

Love that. Never heard it before.

@Former-Member @Zoe7

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?



John Brogdon
CEO Lifeline
Suicidality (attempt survivor) Says: "there's always more to live for than there is to die for" jobkeeper = lifesaver - therefore be reverse will apply when lifted. Lifeline calls up 25% MH services maxed out BUT suicide not gone up. Maybe 'cause they've accessed help?


Hi @Appleblossom,
I hear you before, "just getting on with things" is how we're wired, even when there's so much on our plate, like you say: "studying, teaching, renovating, company directoring, and little kids" 😞 it astounds me society expects so much from us, even with trauma background and little family support. One thing was said to me after my first breakdown (though not in touch with my stress) was "you'll never handle stress well" That psychologist was right, but I never really learned 'stress' was - just kept cracking up on and off, more broken than realised. Doesn't matter now I'm alone I guess. I guess.
Re 'earth tent' - probably sounds like I'm playing down loss in my last post but it still hurts profoundly, don't I know it 😢 @Zoe7 but believing we'll be together again, in a higher form, it helps me through. I don't have to say goodbye, just "see you later" i have to 💐🌷💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

I was there when you were first posting about your grief.

I would not think you downplayed its importance with that earth tent phrase. Dont worry so much, but maybe that is the way you are wired. I am lucky in that I am not as wired for worry and am analytical about getting to root causes of things. Its the way I am wired, both a protection and strength. Rather than feeling upset I got on the job. I was surprised you thought I might be angry and not a softie. I was taught about the value of anger in therapy in mid 20s. I thought it was weird. I am not quick to anger, I roll with the punches, I forgive, I had seen a lot of random anger thrown around, at others, not usually at me. I was more invisible, and had little sense of adequate provision to get angry about stuff. I just did not know any better. In a way that has been a saving grace. Later I did access my anger (mid 40s) and decided to use it in the way you may have seen. For advocacy and to prevent more loss of life.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Its ok @Appleblossom - I don't know if you're angry or not. Sorry if it came over that way.
Think of you a lot with Melbourne on the news so much lately. Hope those restrictions lift soon 🌸🦉🕊️💙🕊️💙🕊️💙🕊️💙🕊️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Adge 🐦 haven't forgotten you, hope you're good (as can be) 🙏

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Many in Melbourne are struggling with lockdown more than me. I am doing alright. I have the forum, other social media, email and zoom etc.

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

FYI: Right Now, 1:10pm The DrPhil show are having a REALLY good discussion on Coping with Grief
@Zoe7
@Appleblossom

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

I hope you are well, feeling okay.

Severe headaches, for past 5 days or so (constant) - have finally eased.

Don't know what the cause is/ was - assumed maybe dehydration, yet drinking lots of water did not help.

I love Topic Tuesday discussions - I've always been a big contributor.

Yet I missed out on several recent Topic Tuesdays, due to not being aware (at all) that they were on - No Community Wrap or Notifications.

Then the most recent (last few) Topic Tuesdays have been on Topics that I cannot contribute to - They do not relate to me - so I feel very left out, although they are also missing out on my contribution.

Feeling like an Imposter, with no legitimate right to say anything (or be there) is always an issue with me for any group discussion.

More so if it's on a Topic that I cannot relate to.

Very tired & down today - couldn't sleep well, woke before 4.00am.

I'll be back later (maybe), when hopefully more perky.

Adge

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yes funeral for friend I lost several weeks ago. Been waiting for the holidays so I have time to both watch and process ...now not even sure I want to watch it but also know I need to. We will hold a memorial down here for him when all restrictions are lifted and all his family can fly in - that may be some time off yet though.

I hope you enjoyed your pizza - I don't order them anymore from my closest pizza place - I buy one from Coles and build upon it with what I like - saves a lot of money and is much nicer I have to do some shopping tomorrow so might treat myself to a pizza also.

I am not a fan of Dr Phil - find that open and public airing of people's issues ridiculous.

Never seen the movie Lucy - might need to check it out

Shite night for me so very little done today - that's life hey!

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Appleblossom @Adge

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