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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Sept 2020, 8:09 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yes struggle almost daily with SI @Former-Member so very much get those thoughts and feelings and how out of control it all can get. At one stage I also pushed away my fur babies in the hope that they wouldn't miss me when I was not around I do like that you are 'sleeping on' it and not making any decisions on anything tonight - tonight is just one to get through. I will be up for a little while so will happily sit with you

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Sept 2020, 8:10 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Made sense to me reading between the typos @Former-Member 👍

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

JynxModerator26 Sept 2020, 8:17 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks for letting me know @Former-Member I really appreciate it - and I'm glad to hear you're safe. Furbaby cuddles always help too

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2020, 8:18 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You do understand, sorry about that, you would know that it passes then, made it this far.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2020, 8:22 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I'm gonna go watch a really captivating, escapism movie. Good night. Thanks for giving me relief by expressing the pain. That's what it is really. 'Call for help' ta for being here tonight. Good night 😴

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Sept 2020, 8:27 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Goodnight @Former-Member Glad to have been here for you and you could express some of what you are going through. I hope the movie is a good distraction. Feel free to tag me tomorrow if you need a chat - I will be around a little but will look out for you also. Hugs to both you and Georgia 💖🐶

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor26 Sept 2020, 8:45 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Dear @Former-Member

WHen you log on again I hope you are feeling a bit better.

Sadly I have felt and reasoned very similarly to you, many times, but somehow stayed.

If you can forgive yourself for being a human mum and not super human, maybe your memories of your girl will gradually lose some sting. Anyway that has happened with my brother and sister. My brother had a lot of very traumatic and painful memories as he was totured in his own life, but mostly I can remember him now without being triggered.

You have a place here. A lot of people have valued you and some of the threads you started. Maybe we cant fill the neediness feeling all the time, but we all give and try, and you have contributed a LOT ot the forum over the years. I dont forget. I am also not good with small talk, I try but not my strong point.