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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Sept 2020, 6:02 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

More than happy to listen @Former-Member - even more so if you are not doing well and need an ear (eyes). Yes Nan and I were super close and I so wish you had that in your life at some stage too I spent so much time with her to escape everything at home but I truly loved being with her and Pop. I wasn't as close to Pop but he did a lot for me and I loved him very much too. Nan and I had a special bond though and that is something I hold dear to my heart always.

I think it is time to have a rest myself. I hope you can also and will check in later. Stay safe Hon and look after yourself

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

JynxModerator26 Sept 2020, 6:06 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Unfortunately I don't have the option of deleting it myself, but you're more than welcome to do so yourself, just hit the link in my previous post, and when you see your post there's the 'Post options' button in the top right corner - 'delete post' is the very last option. Hopefully that will be that last of it.

I'm sitting with you as well, can definitely stick around for a cuppa - especially when you're having such a difficult day. Look after yourself hun, and please reach out to someone if you're feeling unsafe.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2020, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I did your link @Jynx but it's not the same post in question, plus I scrolled through all May and it's not there, I'm going mad... maybe everyone's right about me

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

JynxModerator26 Sept 2020, 6:47 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member oh that's frustrating! Definitely not a sign of madness though, just a sign of how technology can be very confusing when it doesn't behave as expected. I don't know if it will help, but you could also try things like clearing cookies for this site, or even just hard-refreshing the page can help reset functionality (how to do this depends on your computer and browser, if you have energy for it go to this page for instructions).

Are you still feeling unsafe? I'm sending a big pile of care and support right to you, hope it helps you to take steps to look after yourself this evening.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2020, 6:54 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7 thnx someone just tried to ring me but don't recognise number, don't feel so guilty when I don't know who it is. Trying to sort more files but can't concentrate on it. Papers everywhere. Just had peautbutter toast and tea for dinner. My neighbour (I live in duplex) he lives alone but appears to have his kids for the hols (from NT) they set off my furbaby (new noises) but I'm happy for him I guess. Wonder if they'll send at, think that's what he wanted. Tried to s tvup a tarp to shade car today, in the wind, went over the dense 4 times :face_with_rolling_eyes: Amazing the power behind the wind.
Sirens again today, somewhere nearby, another trigger.
Really loud buzzing in ears, and whistle - driving me nuts. At least it's not voices lol
Why is it such a bad thing to 'check out' when it all feels over and it will do the world a favour?
- son inherits several grand and doesn't have to bother block good my number anymore
- less financial burden on the state
- wont have to drag this hurting body around anymore and fight the internal bully
- people will stop being cruel to me
- I'll meet Jesus in person and see my girl again
- it's what most people expect / want
- only those who are loved by someone have ties to the world
I donno, just being stipid

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2020, 7:00 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Adge, pain without the memory, I can't see how you'd make the connection... without the thought. . . I'm not in a good place so will go soon. Nice to see you. Lovely soft image 🐦💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

JynxModerator26 Sept 2020, 7:05 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member this is really concerning, I'm going to flick you an email to check in.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Sept 2020, 7:35 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Not being stupid @Former-Member voicing what you are feeling and thinking and am pleased you are doing so here to get some support. Sorry - I did fall asleep but am very much hearing you. The world can be a cruel and unforgiving place at times and you have definitely had your share of that over the years Your beautiful fur baby is with you though - that gives me comfort for both you and me with mine - they love us unconditionally and provide us with some comfort when we need it. Give Georgia an extra hug tonight and I will send you some additional hugs from me, Toby and Cat

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2020, 8:03 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7, speaking of furbaby's, the SI even took me to anplacevyo make sure she'd be ok,,big I tired herbupbout front where neighbour could see her. Sheesh. I can't remember if you have ever struggled with SI? Don't wanna trigger anyone, I'll be ok, survived worse, thnx 💙
@Jynx - don't worry, I'm not agitated, just reeeely flat, no energy, no fight, so that's a good thing for me, it's the energised anger that killls, I'll get through, safe thanks. Contracted myself to 'sleep on it' - these big decisions. Sorry i can't email as I've had bad experiences emailing moderators, can't risk it tonight. Feel your caring though, thank you 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2020, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sorry typos, still doesn't let me edit or post pics
whatever

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