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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @ Zoe7
I'm teary today, just tidying up my medical folder and realised a couple of things not followed up. Like 2018 CT found nodule RT lung 😟 Guess I went through a lot that year, distracted. They don't call it a breakdown if ya not hospitalised.
Kinda moving into the medical 'too hard' basket I think 😟
But also, my son hasn't replied to last couple tx msgs 😟 and i tried to ring just now but went to message bank 😞 Kinda triggers the SI planning, Really gotta fight that. Maybe I'm angry 'cause I went through phone and deleted all such hurtful, confusing and or useless contacts. My son is all I have really, and he hates that.
Clock ticking.
Really quiet here.
Have to pray
Maybe have a sleep

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

JupiterSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

What a heavy day @Former-Member

Its good to hear you are fighting that SI. You come across as very strong and resilient. Please continue to reach out as you need and go gently on yourself today.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I am really hearing you @Former-Member Just had a visit from my sister and Mum and when I told them what I will be doing next year my Mum's reaction was really negative. My sister then asked if that was what I wanted to do and when I told her yes then she seemed a little more on board - very disappointing though that I will be doing my dream job and their first reaction seemed to be disappontment. I know that is not the same as you with your family or son but it has left me feeling really flat and wanting to sleep also.

I really hope your son gets back to you soon Hon ...I know it is not the same but you have us here too.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sorry it’s like that for you today @Former-Member I will send a gentle hug 🤗 and pray 🙏 for you now.

Be careful ❤️💙❤️

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

My notifications just now 4:30pm 26th September 2020:
"@Sherry and @Shaz51 supported Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Mater...
09 May 2020
@Sherry hugzz 🌻"
+ a beautiful image of a butterfly meme
🦋 🦋 🦋 🦋 🦋 🦋
I don't know why you keep doing this when I've asked you not to. Its not helpful to me in the slightest. May is long gone and there's much else to say. If you wish to get my attention - please find a more authentic and less covert way about it.
@Former-Member, can you see notifications? Who deletes them? as this notification no longer appears with the others now, I have taken a screenshot of it as proof.
@Former-Member - can you please go back and remove my post of a butterfly image to Sherry so this doesn't keep being misused in this way, please!!! 😟
@Sherry still shows up in this notification as 'active' yet she isn't as she's now Emelia
@Emelia8 you are very quiet lately, you ok? Hope so 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Jupiter, can't stop it hey 💕Thanks @Zoe7 families are a disappointment. We probably are to them too. Wish it didn't matter so much. Nothing wrong with sleeping through days like this. I do miss everyone.
@Eve7 thanks, means a lot 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

In our family @Former-Member if you are not into horses and horse racing then you are on the outside ...and I hate horse racing in all it's forms - it is what it is and is not going to change so have to continue to stick to myself and do what I love for me ....always been the black sheep in our family - I know they all care but it is always on ther terms. It is time likes these that I miss my Nan the most as she was always on my side and my best friend

Yes nothing wrong with sleeping through these types of days - whatever gets us through hey. Sending you some extra big hugs to help today 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

JynxModerator

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member,

I can see that this is very frustrating for you. I have turned off support for that post, so hopefully this will prevent future notifications. You can also go back and delete the post yourself if you wish, here's the link to the post in question. If you have any further queries or complaints, please feel free to email your concerns to team@saneforums.org.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I need to work hard on this one @Former-Member Mostly it's pain without any memories - We will get there...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

😢 I'm so glad you had your nan @Zoe7 I can't remember feeling anyone has ever "been on my side" - must have given you a sense of self and the other isolation. Band can get good like that.
I'm phasing today, the repeat notification triggered me again, bullying or psychosis. Thinking I'm delusional and having visual hallucinations is not grounding at all, neither helps the Si. Seems to pop up deliberately after O pour my heart out here. Like I'm not supposed to speak. Like when I was avoid mum would mess with our heads, amazing only 1/3 of us turned out to have schizophrenia... families, can't live with 'em can't live without 'em. Same as every tribebi guess, good with the bad, all intermeshed crazies. Sorry, I'm not well today and frankly a little unsafe I fear - maybe a cuppa will help.
See you later.
Thank you @Jynx I don't mind if you remove that post altogether please. Its setting me off
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