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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor07 Sept 2020, 12:19 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member

I guess even though it is online, we hold the memory or image of the people we meet here.

I know you know ... hug ...

Belonging is tricky. I try not to worry about it too much, but be pro-social, as that is all I have control over. There are days I feel I can reach out more, and posts I feel some responsiveness with. There are others doing their bit. Reach out when you are motivated. We dont always know what it is about a post that might be beneficial to other readers.

Hearing you about parenting in a broken world. Sad, though there has been a lot of prosperity, there is still so much hurt and pain.

Stay Safe

Apple

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember07 Sept 2020, 3:32 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Adge - good to do 'Anything Bird Thread' as well, where so many others can appreciate your fantastic contribution with this. I'm in aww how good you are with the birds. Sorry the Bird Groups grumps were disappointing, Hate those 'oneupmanship' games people Play in group dynamics "playground politics" :face_with_rolling_eyes: who needs it! But keep trying 🤔 maybe
those grumpyheadz have had to downsize by now, and mellowed a little. Life has a way of sorting us out that way. I value you 😇 and the avariship (is that a word?)... just the bit you've shared on the forums here is awesome... You're living my bird dream...
Hmm, I am Surprised Finches have Clubs of their very own, wow! And Didnt even know there was an "Avicultural" Society.
Sorry FATHER'S DAY Triggers you, I had wondered for you.. That 'left out' feelings, and sadness at both ends of father's day must be hard. I'm glad you can't find some kind thoughts of your Dad (even though he scared the # out of us as children.
My yesterday was empty too. Numb. I couldn't even get through to talk with my dad. My 30yr old son did drop by after a "wonderful" day with his dad (the man who ruined my entire life, and my girls, and kept my boy a secret the first 7yrs of his life, refused to sign his birth certificate... should I go on? My son has turned out so well in SPITE of his dad's crap, most of which I can't tell him about. It takes so much self sacrifice, and keeping my mouth shut 🤐 to save my son... ...)) Spoils my time with my boy. I probably should have not made myself available yesterday... gone away or something to grieve. Oh well, His dad is 20yrs older than me so hopefully he'll for first and I'll get some uncontaminated time with my son before I die. Oh God, just realised my son will be grieving Thad man forever. Sheesh,bothered really is no escape from some abusers...
Did I say his dad had a stroke recently and with boarder closures my son has been running errands for his much older 1/2 siblings to help his dad... Such is the integrity of my don...
annforeseen consequence of moving back to Qld... to have time with my son.
I just have to hold out long enough, very hard though. Feel left out bigtime, which triggers SI. Also got a bad headache. Might stay in bed today.
Ooo! news just announced COVID vaccine plan (budget lloutlay) to develop and produce vaccines IN AUSTRALIA, mostly Qld. A "home grown sovereign vaccine plan" PM says. Time will tell. Backing / endorsing work at a Qld University...
THE WEATHER seems weird lately ((earth pangs I guess). Mid season is my favourite weather - enjoy it while you can with your short ones there.
Sounds like it's Windy everywhere ATM (🤔late August winds)
🔆🐦🔆🐦🔆

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember07 Sept 2020, 3:36 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Appleblosson 💙
I'm very tired. Went to get my scripts but forgot to take them :face_with_rolling_eyes: At least I got out the house. Cut 6" off my hair, easier to manage. Going back to bed 🌱🔆🌱

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember07 Sept 2020, 3:38 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Two weeks ago I blocked everyone who confuses me or emails crap. Guess what? I haven't had a personal email since and tx and calls are extremely rare, maybe twice a week 😢

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

SnowieSenior Contributor07 Sept 2020, 3:43 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💌💌

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember07 Sept 2020, 3:58 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

THNX Snowy, hard part is not knowing if I've done the right thing, or why I attract so much confusion and crap. Probably just my melancholy outlook on life. Most 'coping' people would rather go dance in the daisie fields than have d&m's. Good luck to 'em

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

SnowieSenior Contributor07 Sept 2020, 4:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I guess that is the chance we take sometimes @Former-Member Knowing if we have done the right thing or not. I struggle with that too and after all this time, I still question myself.

Lots of people don't handle that fact that people have MI. I find they don't know how to respond to me, they just seem to ignore me or don't talk about it. Might be in the 'too hard' basket for some.

Oh well, there loss hun, you are worth the d&m's. Our MI does not define us.

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember07 Sept 2020, 4:08 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

APOLOGIES FOR ALL THE TYPING ERRORS, CAN'T GO BACK TO EDIT WITH MY PHONE AND RARELY LOG ON VIA COMPUTER TO TRY. HOPE YAS CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY.
TIME FOR A CUPPA ☕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember07 Sept 2020, 4:11 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Snowie, needed to hear that today 💙

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor08 Sept 2020, 9:20 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Former-Member I'm so sorry to hear about your Son's Dad's weird behaviours.

Keeping his own son's existence a secret for his first 7 year's (refusing to sign Birth Certificate) - well that just boggles the mind (so Bizarre).

That must be very very hard - if you feel you cannot say how it really was (for you), to your son.

I don't believe that we should have to keep our mouths shut - that said, I've been silent myself many times (usually out of fear).

When really the aggressive person (in many cases), needed to be told to shut up themselves - & to stop intimidating other people.

Thanks for Guessing (knowing) that Father's Day would be Difficult for me - No-one else has acknowledged that, no-one in person has a Clue.

Even my Psych never asks about things like that - although I would expect her to know, or guess.

She always leaves it to me to raise any issues myself (first).

Perth is known as the "Windy City" - so that probably means stronger winds than most other places (most of the time).

Adge

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