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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor04 Sept 2020, 9:47 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Listening too @Former-Member. Just under legal fire here .... have to stay focused on my studies and just keep swimming .... it was good that you repeated that saying ^^^ "Life is tough, but so are you ...." Needed to hear that tonight.

🌻🌻🌻

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember04 Sept 2020, 10:04 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear @Adge, it does sound like a torrid time you're going through. I'm sorry life hasn't been.more kind to you. And yes, isolation message with us, we're not designed for it. On the other hand, it's hard to mix when one prefers deep and meaningful connections. Guess I'm lucky I have one friend that pops in for a cuppa now I've moved back to Qld... and see my son more often now too. I spent a year of self imposed solitude in Central West NSW to think about things. I've learnt that I can't identify my needs very well. Guess that's part of early conditioning too. Hard to break out of that. Damned if you do damned if you don't - that's the curse we're left with after child abuse and disfunctional families. Just gotta trust God to save us and create good moments knowing were really never alone. As DORI would say... "just keep swimming" lol Today I showered✔️ cooked + froze meals✔️ got the bin out in time, and in✔️ journals✔️ brushed the dog✔️ What did you do today? It's the little things that count Adge. Hope you cope with father's Day ok, sorry he died so terribly. Maybe light a candle for him. Watch one of his favourite movies. You hang in there 💙
@Emelia8, i'll probably ring my dad Sunday. If he's alive. Not that he knows who I am any more (dementia)... Oh dear, someone's trying to ring me... 10pm 🤔 probably bad news... I don't wanna know.
What you doing?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor04 Sept 2020, 10:39 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good to see that you have achieved things today and have been able to tick them off @Former-Member . There is a certain pleasure in being able to do that. So well done. 10pm is very late to get a phone call ... I hope it wasnt bad news? I am glad you have a friend whom you keep in contact with now that you are back in QLD @Former-Member . Thats important for you. And so too is maintain connections with family, ie your son. When does he plan to go overseas? How is little Georgia adjusting to her new environment?

I agree with EOR @Adge ... hang in there. Thats all you can really do, after all. And hope for the best. How are all your beautiful birdies doing? I read a while ago that you have some new additions over the past few weeks.

@Faith-and-Hope ... nice to see you here, and sorry to hear that the legal issues with S2Bex continues. When will it end? Soon ... surely!

Off to bed, with the hope of some sleep tonight. Even a few hours would be good, and quite a change from lately.

Good night lovely people. 🌺🌻

Emelia 💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember05 Sept 2020, 7:46 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good morning @Emelia8 - @Adge &F&H (who is so overwhelmed atm) Thanks for yesterday.
I'm gonna try go for walk today. Beautiful weather 🔆🌱🔆🌱🔆🌱🔆

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Emelia8Senior Contributor05 Sept 2020, 7:51 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Enjoy your walk @Former-Member and have a good day. Nice day here at present too, but possible showers later. Hoping it will clear for evening BBQ with visiting step daughter and family.

Sending love 💖@Former-Member @Adge @Faith-and-Hope

Emelia

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor05 Sept 2020, 11:07 am AEST