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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember17 Mar 2019, 12:16 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, you understand 🙂
Made apt with my Dr for Mon, to try sort out a misunderstanding. Thing is - I need a Dr or I'd not bother. Got all these housing applications... that need signing & need scripts.
Just gotta not cancel no matter what...
Hope your weekend is OK. ?
Mine quiet, detaching a bit but ok

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor17 Mar 2019, 12:41 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hey @Former-Member I am glad you have made the appointment with your GP. No matter how you feel on Monday you need to get there Hon. You will feel better after you get everything signed and get your scripts - it is a little thing that in the scheme of things is actually quite big.

I have slept most of today on and off and fell asleep on the couch late afternoon again. Not long ago woke up and am now wide awake. Not sure I can get back to sleep quickly so am here for a little while until I feel the next wave of sleep passing by. It is certainly not an ideal situation but it is what it is and I need to roll with it.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember17 Mar 2019, 10:50 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, its good not to get anxious or annoyed when we can't sleep properly, or "roll with it" as you say, but its cumulative , these stints of rest, so it works out eventually.
Really raining here atm. I don't wanna go to Dr tomorrow but need to grr, and can't be bothered starting over. This Dr, she's smart, and an Ausdie (understands what im saying), but very young, and heavily brainwashed by the 'medical model' But its hard to find a female Aussie Dr in Sydney 😞
Anyway, hope you're w'endbis going smoothly. Do something special before tomorrow, preferably outside.
Take care
EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember17 Mar 2019, 11:02 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Where's @Appleblossom gone? Hope you're OK Apple, and I haven't said something wrong.
@Shaz52, my notifications say you've left a comment... but 😞 its invisible... hope you're ok? thanks for popping by anyway, you take care.
EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor17 Mar 2019, 11:11 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You have to push yourself to get to the dr tomorrow @Former-Member - you need that paperworkd signed and your scripts. I know you would refer not to have to go but once you have done it to can feel like you have achieved something and that is important. That is how I am approaching every day at work - something I have to do and can relax afterwards until i get ready for the next day.

I am really struggling over the last week or so to get to work and very tired during the day so it is getting harder and harder to find the energy. I need to push through until Easter and have a good break to get back into it again.

Today started with a headache this morning but that has eased so I have begun to do a little of the housework in bits and pieces. I know today will go very quickly so trying to get some things done this morning before I settle in to watch some sport this afternoon and do the planning I need to do.

I hope you have a good afternoon and can find the energy and motivation to get to the dr tomorrow

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember17 Mar 2019, 11:40 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7, will do
Sounds really hard for you though lately, wonder what's causing this physical fatigue? a vit & min deficiency, hormone imbalance or something? Do you take vit-d and a multi? Those fizzy supps are good with breakfadt. Maybe its the lack of sleep too... Is something worrying you?

Getting a few things done like tidy up & planning would be helpingbyour tomorrow, you've inspired me to
GET UP !
DO SOMETHING !
... I need that...
thank you 🙂
Ill check back latter 🙂

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor17 Mar 2019, 12:04 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I think it is more an accumulation of things that I have been pushing through for a couple of months combined with the tiredness of actually being at work and then DBT and appointments on the Wednesday @Former-Member I am waking during the night and having some unwanted dreams as well and that is always very tiring. I am just trying to push through for now - do what I have to do each day and then get to the next day. It is sustaining the getting up and being at work (or DBT) every day that is becoming problemmatic. I had been out of work and at home for a long time so it is not surprising that I am feeling it now/ I feel very body weary - everything is aching - I do a lot of walking up and down stairs at work - so that could be contributing to it too - physically very unfit after so much time basically living on my couch. It is not an easy fix in that regard either - I am too tired after work to do anything and that feeds back into how unfit I am - a catch 22!

I hope youo get a few things done today too - I have managed to finish the washing up and pick up Toby's toys so that makes me feel a little better. Will get the clothes off the line soon and fold up Toby's baby doonas that I washed last week. Then I will get some of my school stuff sorted.

Will check in with you later too to see how your day has gone

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor17 Mar 2019, 1:13 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

Take Care of yourself.

Love that movie. Music and homelessness. Maggie's humour is beautiful, and wan and sad, but great dignity.

At a festival yesterday. Neck was going for about 3 days before, but it was not disastrous.

Gotto dash. Running late ... again ... eye roll ... at me ....

Chat later

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember19 Mar 2019, 3:35 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Well, oh dear, I lost track of time & totally missed my apt with Dr. I don't know what's wrong with me, should be easy, and the Dr is cranky with me... will have to move on (find a different dr that wont hit me with $50 fee for cancelling when i honestly cant help it & could send me broke, i cant justify paying for services i don't gete), there's no room for forgetful ppl in the system 😞 oh no, bad thought, hope I don't have dementia.

How do we just live for self?

I wasn't created that way. Without love I'm dying, what's the point when you have nothing of value to offer anyone anymore, and what you've given seems forgotten. I can't get that back.

Gosh, when I think how much I have given away . . .
Anyway, how do I stop me from feeling like i'm slowly dying?

Hmm, Maybe start with a walk
Not now, its raining...
EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember19 Mar 2019, 2:19 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Appleblossom, how do we "look after self" ? Hey, you're musical aren't you, a friend gave me a p copy of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' movie, watching it atm. Have you seen it? How about you @Zoe7 ? I'm not one for Rock&Roll but 'Queen',.. true stories interest me.
EOR

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