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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 May 2020, 12:50 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thats quite okay @Former-Member ... you dont have to answer the questions to me. Its just something to think about ... basically just my thoughts pouring out onto the screen. 👍💖

Hey well done with the treats you got for yourself. A bit of self care and self love there. Thats great to see. I can see the picture from my phone, but not from my PC yet. Odd that. But I can see the picture clear enough on my little mobile anyway. Thats lovely. Pamper yourself, and take good care tomorrow ... as you will no doubt think about your little angels, lost to you way too soon. 😔🌼💔

Yes that would have been such a wonderful day at the end of WWII ... all the mothers with sons ... to have them home safe. Not so much for those who lost loved ones. There is always a flip side, isnt there?

Sherry 🌺

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 May 2020, 12:58 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

My mum died 2018 Sherry, so I'm walking with you. And I hope your step Kidz show you some love 💌

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 May 2020, 1:54 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks .. @Former-Member .. I understand. 💔😔🌺🌼🌸

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 May 2020, 9:09 am AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thinking of you today @Former-Member ... your second year without your Mum ... and my first. Missing my Mum very much right now. I'm not a Mum myself ... but my thoughts are very much with you in regards to your lost babies and young child (your angels). I really hope your often unappreciative son, makes an effort to make you feel loved today.

Sherry 💕🌸🌹

Here is a rose I picked from my garden during the week.

Red Rose from my garden

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor10 May 2020, 3:45 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Leaving these for you today @Former-Member ....

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 May 2020, 11:26 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thank for the flowers and kind thoughts @Zoe7 and @Former-Member I survived, and better than expected (must have had a Legion of angels praying for me) but also, don't you find the lead up to it is the hardest. Trusting you did ok yourselves. Read you've caught up with your mum Zoe and Sherry, did you light a candle for your mum. Are you ok?

Yes, my son rang and he was positive. He thanked me for giving him the space he needed this last fortnight (grr) but sounds really well. He sent me this photo of his cat. How cute, hey.

Posted my favourite pic of my mum, myselfon fb. Got myself some gifts + treats. Consumed a litre of icecream :face_with_rolling_eyes: but spent couple hours in the sunshine gardening. A neighbour spoke to me 😃 and I got more weeding and replanting done than I've pulled of for few months. Don't know where it came from.

EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 May 2020, 11:30 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member, your home grown red rose is beautiful. Does it have fragrance? Thank you 💗💐💗💐💗💐💗💐

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor10 May 2020, 11:34 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

So pleased you had a good day @Former-Member Wonderful you spoke to your son too Great also you got some weeding done and you spoke to a neighbour. Maybe things are looking up a bit for you - I really hope so

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 May 2020, 11:39 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Good and bad days @Zoe7, I'm a realist, maybe a bit bipolar, but I he good moments are worth fighting for. Thanks. You do know you'd make a good community guide. Just a thought 💌

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember10 May 2020, 11:48 pm AEST

Re: why can't I cope longer?

That all sounds really positive @Former-Member and I am so very happy for you.

Your son's cat is such a sweetie.

Yes I did light a candle for me Mum .. and shed a few tears.

The rose has a beautiful strong and rich perfume ... the picture is only a bud, but I had a couple I put in a vase and as they opened up they are really large and a lovely fragrance wafts around every time you walk past them.

Hi @Zoe7 .. You are meant to be in bed asleep. Are you having trouble sleeping?

Sherry 🌺🤗💕

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