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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2020, 4:56 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

Just calling by to briefly thank you for the support you have provided to me during the time we have known each other here. I have very much valued and appreciated your support and your friendship. I sincerely hope I may have, in some small way, provided some comfort and support to you too over the years.

Keep up the good work with the garden. I understand your issues with having your Dad pretty much inaccessible right now, and thats hard. I have similar issues with my Dad, who is still in his own home for now, but not at all well.

I wish you well in all that you do.

Sherry

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor29 Mar 2020, 4:58 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2020, 5:09 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member, and @Adge, you both have been good to me. I'm a bit too needy perhaps 💜💜💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor29 Mar 2020, 6:15 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member I don't find you too needy at all.

You are very kind, thoughtful & caring.

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

I have few words to say, my emotional resources are very strained.

Kind thoughts & Best wishes,

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2020, 8:17 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Aww, thanks @Adge
Do you still have a job?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor29 Mar 2020, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member There is no work, they've shut down disability services.

Even though technically, I do still have a job - no good, when there's no work & no pay.

I like this one - there is no soap to buy in shops, so no-one can wash my mouth out....

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2020, 8:27 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

😲 No disability services @Adge What are the clients gonna do? This is terrible. Do you just stay home?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor29 Mar 2020, 8:39 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yes @Former-Member I am on leave for 5 weeks (with low pay) - because I had accrued AL hours to use.

Otherwise it would be unpaid leave.

After 5 weeks, no income unless they have started up again.

This could take months....

My top priority (before $$ or new job applications) - needs to be recovery time & rest.

I have not had any holiday in 3 years (since 2017) - I would need/ want to do short trips away, but everything (including bus tours) has been shut down.

Yoga classes, massage - everything of value to me has been shut down forcibly.

Those are virtually my only social interactions (activities) with people - so the last few days have been extremely isolating.

I have few social phone contacts - it's always been face-to-face, I do not have their phone numbers.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2020, 10:27 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh no @Adge, sounds like you've had the rug pulled out from under you on all fronts. Accept your beautiful birds of cause.
I forgot that side for most of you workers, I've been pretty much self isolating since I left Sydney last year, after months of being emotionally pummeled by my siblings while caring for my parents when mum was dying... Disgusting lot. I've decided. Lies and I think evil goings on.
I was fast headed for another breakdown bigtime, losing grip on reality fast, with nowhere to Run but prayer. Moved 4hrs away to a town where I don't know anybody (the only affordable rental I could get approved for) and slept for a month, and pretty much been housebound since. Did make friends with one one neighbour but she had an unexpected stroke & died 😢 Her friend, whi I initially felt sorry for, turned out to be an intrusive drunk, started coming round with her wine flask, smokes, bad language, huge problems, drugs, bitching about everyone... 😟 I just stopped answering the door, which I hate to do. People can suck sometimes and I just can't take it atm. This isolation is actually my normal. Recluse I guess.
Anyway, if you want tips, or company, I sure could do with yours @Adge xox

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor29 Mar 2020, 10:57 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Former-Member

Always glad to have talk with you.

Splitting headache, going to bed now.

I'm burnt out lack of time off (not since 2017), & too much stress.

Got extra health issues to attend to - high blood pressure etc.

Catch up with you soon.

Adge

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