Birthday Times

Pathetic bunch of insomniacs, me included, i'll be ok thanks, been here before, just wanted to unburden with someone who might 'get' the impossible pain i feel, or not.
When i'm referred on it feels like a rejection, like u can't handle it, & would rather i didn't. .. just say if that is so. I'll be fine

It's ok @Former-Member, we all just want to make sure you're ok, first and foremost. It's not a rejection of you, just trying to be sure that your safe. That's why I said that if all you want is here that's fine too.

Say what you want or need to say. I may not have experienced or understand it all, but will listen. Like you I spend pretty much all my time alone and know how it feels around special days. I'm dreading my own birthday in less than too weeks, but feel in a better position to handle it than I have in many years. Who knows how I'll feel as it gets closer.

Hope i can be here for u in a couple of weeks,. I'm starting to think maybe we should just boycott ALL anniversaries, totally obliterate them off the calender, pagan commercialised rituals anyway, its just a number! Frign stupid number on a chart. Who cares.
Do u helieve the departed can talk to us. My girl just told me to light her candle for her, and x4 insence sticks (not 1, 2 but 4), so i did, through the tears & told her i love her & apologised for being so sad. She gets it. Did you know there's only love on the other side.For a long time i feared my beautiful moody 13yo might not be too pleased to see me when i cross over but come to learn the imperfections drop off on the journey.
hoping the wine will make me crash soon, don't normally drink so it wont be hard.
Thanks for being there, helps

I'm actually conducting a little social experiment of my own this year.

Last year I got one phone call on my birthday (my mother) and a few post from Facebook friends (not one relative). This year I've seen & spoken too many more of my family than ever before - a lot of it in the lead up to my mothers 80th last week. I'm just curious who will think of me this year.

So I've hidden my birthday on Facebook, just to see who remembers without being reminded. Not expecting a great result. Will turn it back on late in the day perhaps, for my o/s friends, but by then I will know......

I hope you get some sleep soon. Must be a nice thing to feel your daughter with you. I hope it helps bring you comfort.

It's nice to think of a time when everything was controlled by nothing more than the season. When to sow, when to reap, when to move on. Now, as you say, it's all become so commercialised. No wonder some of us seem to dismiss these times of year & feel more alone & lost.

Take care.

Oh dear, sounds like a risky social experiment you can't win. Just don't expect too much, humans fail! Some deliberately, most by accident.

Someone once reminded me i'm not the squeeky wheel most are. Perhaps we should broadcast our expectations every day for two weeks ahead.

My lost sister use to give calenders every Christmas, but- after first writing in everyone's birthday - to remind us all. I call her the family's birthday guru. This is why it upsets me she's ignoring mine this last couple of years, i know its deliberate & she knows it would hurt me, from her. The games we play. Oh, on that note, she made feiends with one of my friends at my child's funeral, and managed to wish my friend a happy birthday on fb last week while still ignoring mine alrogether. Me think mind games. What a shit sister she's being!

My son built my hopes up only to smash them tonight. And i reacted badly - adding to the fallout & self hatred. He's struggling atm with a friends funeral last week. All Sucks!

Sorry i'm so negative tonight, just turn me off if it gets too much. Need a cup of tea.

Wanna go for a walk, cool off, burn out some anger, but maybe not safe out there. Picture myself stepping in front of a semi. Better stay in

Yes it helps when my girl visits, wish you knew her, what a beautiful soul.

I know it's a no win experiment, but if I get even one response it will be amazing. I've given up expecting things from any of them.

Sad your son cancelled, but it does sound like he's dealing with some stuff of his own.

Stay in, let your girl keep you safe.

Wow @Drac0, u have a profile pic now. Hard to make out, but better.
Were u up all night? I eventually crashed, woke tiny bit better but not. Must be anxiety.
Hate these meltdowns.
Time for a cuppa

Hi @Former-Member. I'm keeping the mods busy with profile pics tight now, trying to find the one that works the best. The pic is a frangipanni I have on my balcony, just trying to get the words readable. 🙂

I ended up crashing about six myself. Just a quiet day alone now. Glad you're feeling at least a little better & a cuppa is always good.

Take care today.