Birthday Times

Hi @Former-Member,

I happen to be up in the middle of the night and read your message. That is a heavy load you are carrying. It sounds like mental health problems feature in your family, especially with the paranoia of your mother and brothers. That makes things difficult to deal with as it must be so hard to know how to help without it being mistaken for something very negative. With the timing now, it's not surprising it's all getting you down. Sometimes the weight of things just glues us to the spot and we find ourselves unable to act at all, other than to start looking for means of escape.

Given how vulnerable you are at the moment, perhaps you could take time out from feeling like you have to look after it all at once. Is it possible to just let some of the worry about it all drop for the time being? If we don't look after ourselves when caring for others, we can become unable to do either. Perhaps just focussing as much as possible for now on looking after your own immediate requirements might help. For example, just doing one little thing at a time with your home environment. I would probably start with the kitchen sink as that seems to be bothering you the most.

If it's not possible to get yourself to do that (I know the feeling well), I still think you deserve and need a break in your mind from what's happening around you. Perhaps getting out for a walk might help reduce the feelings of stress. Or something you especially enjoy doing. It really sounds like you need something pleasurable or restful to replenish your ability to handle the hard things.

I may be off the mark or saying things that are already obvious. Main thing is I just wanted to be a voice to respond to your message as there are probably not many others around at this time of night. Wishing you the best and very much hoping you are able to rest your mind from all this for a time.

Cuppa here with me as I speak, glad you are joining me. Hand sewing and gardening, both things that might slow down a worried mind. Good to hear they help. Best to you.

Hi @Former-Member, sorry to hear how much pressure you're feeling right now. @Mazarita is probably right. Maybe you need to just focus on yourself for a little while. Getting yourself in a better place will help you to be able to cope with everything a little better.

Whether it's birthdays or other special times of the year a lot of us have times when things seem so much worse. December-January is usually that time for me. I can't give you any advice on dealing with it because I often have trouble myself.

I understand the house thing, I'm the same. Not dirty, just messy because I can't be bothered putting stuff where it should go. I'll bring something home & just put it wherever & there it stays. I really need to do something about that soon I guess.

Glad you posted, it's a good place to get thing out of the system.

Take care, stay safe.

Hi @Former-Member,

One thing that occurs to me is that you might in advance write a list for yourself of things you like to do. This would include what you have already written here about movies and favorite foods. Last night you also mentioned hand sewing and gardening. What other activities bring you some pleasure or relief from bad feelings? Whatever comes to mind I'd add to the list, even if small. It will be easier to refer to a solid list of possibilities on the day rather than trying to remember things when you might be feeling blue. I'd also add coming to the forum as a possibility on your birthday too. There are likely to be people around to send good wishes and give you some company. A list like that might be useful for future times as well, a kind of resource to turn to when struggling. Sending you early good wishes for your birthday.

Glad talking here is helping @Former-Member, great place to get something out there that you don't feel you have any other outlet for. I prefer talking here simply because I'm not close enough to anyone in real life that I feel I could tell anything to.

I can't help with any tips, simply because I don't handle it well myself. About the time of your birthday I'll probably start my own downward trend leading up to mine - another one at home alone. Last year I only received a phone call from my mother, thats it. And it was supposed to be a big milestone birthday. *SIGH*

I hope someone comes up with some ideas, could use some myself.

Take care.

Hi @Former-Member, I've been there with the house messy, and the sink overflowing with dishes. Maybe try to just get the dishes done. Sometimes just getting that task complete makes one feel so much lighter, and it's much more enjoyable to take tea in a nice clean cup 😀 And as @Drac0 and @Mazarita comment, try to make a list of those things that you do enjoy; sewing, gardening, movies, a nice walk with pooch; often dog walking is a way to connect with other people.

im relatively lucky; after having no help for years, I am finally getting decent help. I use my disability funding to pay for a helper. She helps me, plain and simple, mostly with the fairly mundane things, but occasionally we do fun stuff and other times she takes a child or two out for a wee while so I get a bit of a break.

for the first time in my life as a parent, the dishes get done every day. It is such a seemingly trivial thing, but having the sink clogged up with dirty stuff really can be a full on downer. Do you have any $$ funding? Or can you approach your local council with a request for some help?

and maybe do something special on your daughter's birthday? Something that she would enjoy. And let yourself grieve.

Bright blessings.GM

You sound so much like me a number of years ago @Former-Member. Self care non-existant, ignore the phone, door, mail, anything. As you have already realised it's not a great place to be, especially facing it alone. Sounds very much like the 'blackdog' is really working things up.

But you do have the right to put your own welfare first! Sounds like your mother & brothers aren't good for you right now (or anytime perhaps). I really feel you need to draw away from other peoples needs & self interests to concentrate on your own well-being. But it sounds like they are going to make that difficult. Don't put pressure on yourself feeling you have to be there for them. Not when you need someone to be there for you.

Are you still taking your medications? This was one real problem I had. When I'm down I don't WANT to take them, when I'm high I don't feel I NEED to take them. Have you made an appointment to see your doctor or someone about what's going on & how you're feeling right now? It really feels like you need to talk to someone.

If it starts getting too much don't hesitate to contact Lifeline either by phone (13 11 14) or online Crisis Chat (7:00 PM - 4:00 AM).

Whatever happens, I hope you are able to put yourself first, you are the most important person in your life right now.

Take care, stay safe.