Birthday Times

BIRTHDAYS Hi all, every birthday month, since my youngest child died, & left me alone, suicidal thoughts intensify as i reevaluate if i can push through another year (does anyone else get that?). I have one living child, a 25yo son who lives away & determined to prove he doesn't need his mum. Visited him on the w'end & it didn't go well (cause i took my little dog) and i cried the 3hr journey home. Its so hard. My mother 1200k away is battling adenocarcenoma diagnosis that's just starting to grow faster. I want to help but can't handle her abuse & history & the two hovering argumentative brothers who have paranoid psychosis. Dad's in early dementia I & mar misses the man she was so dependant on. Because of my p/t comm support work mum thinks I'm a gov spy connected to Gardianship Board. Any attempts to help by cleaning or making suggestions is interpreted as criticism. She can be so vulgar and got the dr & authorities fooles she's coping. I don't know what to do with them all & my son & my sistet who cut me off after my breakdown when my girl died. Its all out of control & screams at me to disappear. My house is a mess & i'm having trouble conquering the kitchen sink much less the clutter. Anyway, just needed to tell someone, hope it doesn't depress you beautiful souls.