Birthday Times

@Former-Member I was usually stuck for words in my first 25 years. Know that feeling well, I probably looked too intensely at people in those times.

Many more words now, but sadly I dont always have the right words for all situations.

I have often thought that my loved ones who passed too early were spared more pain on earth. The three of them had difficult lives.

Its hard trying to connect to old sick mothers. I had to be careful to look after me during my mothers last year as my mother had managed to be surrounded by hordes of people and went out very much on her own terms.

I usually had been solicitous for her and taught my kids to respect her as an elder.

There was an odd little situation at he last Matthaus Passion I did. My son and I were helping her to find a seat. She was slow with her walking stick. A man told me that she was fine and not to make a fuss. Neither my mother or my son or I were making a fuss, we were walking to a wooden log as people poured out of the church during the interval. I was polite. Now I realise he just was rude and probably misogynist.

We found out a week later that her lungs were full of fluid and she started her diagnosis towards lung cancer. So this Passion I relfect on the time 2 years ago when she was able to come. She was so serious about music and religion it was a big thing. I was more interested in finding things to cheer or sustain her, than worrying about what I did not get.

The funny thing is that I usuallly did do the right thing by my mother, and our family really did have many good qualities despite the scary MI labels. Its important to sift through the good and the bad.

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What sort of words do you have to share .. just start to write things .. any old thoughts ... if it helps. I know some people are more visual .. post a photo or drawing that expresses something ... bounce off the visual to find the verbal.

Hello @Drac0 The dog sounds like a wonderful idea. My place is small and I have 2 cats who have been the best therapists. Good Luck with it all.

@Former-Member I just survived my birthday. I received one card from a govt sponsored organisation that looks after ex homies. It was a lovely card. My sole surviving sister has shocked me with her cruelty and rejection. It has taken a while and I finally have decided .. I am better off without her in my life.

I did, coincidentally get a wedding call out on my birthday from a niece. Nice timing, though she doesnt realise it was my birthday. I'll tell her eventually. I will see this sister at the wedding .. so I am already trying to toughen myself regarding seeing her again.. and all the games. Still young love is nice to contemplate and I will always keep little links alive..

My sister was horrible to me for 25 years. It took me that long to get that she hated me. I kept encouraging my daughter to look up to her as I was trying to validate our biological family and develop extended family. I was very slow to get the message and it was very painful. I think I have now.

Good Luck and Take care.