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Birthday Times

Unknown userMember09 Mar 2016, 4:15 am AEDT

Birthday Times

BIRTHDAYS Hi all, every birthday month, since my youngest child died, & left me alone, suicidal thoughts intensify as i reevaluate if i can push through another year (does anyone else get that?). I have one living child, a 25yo son who lives away & determined to prove he doesn't need his mum. Visited him on the w'end & it didn't go well (cause i took my little dog) and i cried the 3hr journey home. Its so hard. My mother 1200k away is battling adenocarcenoma diagnosis that's just starting to grow faster. I want to help but can't handle her abuse & history & the two hovering argumentative brothers who have paranoid psychosis. Dad's in early dementia I & mar misses the man she was so dependant on. Because of my p/t comm support work mum thinks I'm a gov spy connected to Gardianship Board. Any attempts to help by cleaning or making suggestions is interpreted as criticism. She can be so vulgar and got the dr & authorities fooles she's coping. I don't know what to do with them all & my son & my sistet who cut me off after my breakdown when my girl died. Its all out of control & screams at me to disappear. My house is a mess & i'm having trouble conquering the kitchen sink much less the clutter. Anyway, just needed to tell someone, hope it doesn't depress you beautiful souls.

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In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember13 Mar 2016, 10:09 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Yeh, still here, settled down (really down). Just fishing for strategies with thoughts. They're just thoughts, don't have to water them, hey. Just hope circumstances stop throwing curveballs at these times. Thanks again, you're making a difference 🙂

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor13 Mar 2016, 10:34 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

So happy things seem to be going a little better @Former-Member.

You are right, they are just thoughts, we can't control when they come. It's dealing with how we react to them that's the hard part. That's the only part we can get any control over. Your curve balls are the same, they will keep coming no matter what. We have to learn how to deflect them a little instead of taking it straight in the guts.

Keep safe.

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

AppleblossomSenior Contributor14 Mar 2016, 3:02 am AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Hi @Former-Member

Heaven is a wonderful place to dream about. I have to work hard myself to allow positive images and thoughts replace the negative.

I have thought in terms of dates sometimes. Now I try and plan for things to look forward to .. just after a tricky date comes up. So that I can see just that little further ahead and not be overwhelmed on anniversaries, or other specially meaningful days. I think it has a kind of logic .. but agree with @Drac0 that we dont really want to go there.

I hope I didnt upset you. I have had lots of thorny experiences and may come out with pointy generalisations, but they are part of my past and experiences and not meant to be applied to anybody in particular. It is just me trying to claim my "I" rather than being wishy washy and passed around like a football.

Sometimes I go back and fix up posts ... sometimes I let them go.

I think you have something to offer and probably would have gained from your post. Because we are all unique ... there are many people who may never press a like button or post a reply ...but who benefit. Also I am in the "better out than in" camp.

... I accept the moderation as it allows some protection ... stops the forum from getting too ratty .. and hasnt been too invasive .. with emails to discuss issues sent in a supportive manner.

It is not good that you are struggling, but it is good to have you around.

I totally agree with you about bullying issues. As far as I am concerned ... paranoia ... starts with overwhelming experiences of fear .. sometimes we do magnify those feelings ... and that is an area we can work with CBT issues ... BUT often ... I believe ... its not in the mind at all ... but in the social situation of the individual.

Hang on to you agenda. But I really dont believe the mods are complicit. Those thoughts do show how seriously your safety has been threatened in the past. Trust is very difficult for me .. but I still have a go.

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember14 Mar 2016, 6:49 am AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Morning, i woke to the magpie & butcher bird calling outside. Love the sound of the birds.

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor14 Mar 2016, 4:15 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

LOL, I went to sleep with them calling outside @Former-Member. Really, really going to have to work on my sleep patterns....

How has your day been?

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember14 Mar 2016, 5:56 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Hi Drac0, thanks for checking in. You are a night owl, guess it doesn't matter much when u sleep provided you get enough & good quality. I know from years of shift work. More rexent years i've discovered vit-B complex wakes the brain so keeps me awake when needed. You might have to stay awake for 36hrs to correct it. I can't talk, i haven't slept longer than 4hrs straight for weeks.. Today I'm doing better, made myself get out the door, saw dr today - upped antidepressants, & had myself a coffee out. Does help. Had to get firm with my brother this morning. told him to go back to his old case manager for help & stop sending his disturbing messages as as they're upsetting & i can't don't read them any more. He thinks i'm brainwashed against him by the gov & processed, among other things. I fear for him & feel bad that I'm forced to appear to abandon him. But its all one sided & i can't give enough. I live 1200k away. That was hard start when he woke me at 5am but just don't have the energy, sad. Bye4now

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor14 Mar 2016, 7:24 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Did you talk to the dr about other things @Former-Member? I mean more than just the depression.

I guess I am a night person. Worked nights for many years. Guess I just never got out of the habit. Might have to try the B complex & get some sense back into the sleep cycle. 4 hours is generally a good rest for me. But hey, that was enough for Thomas Edison.....

Sometimes we need to step back from people who are toxic to our own well-being. We may love & care for them, but at times it's just too much to be there for them. Try not to let it upset you too much, you have enough on your own without the added pressure.

Take care, chat later.

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember15 Mar 2016, 3:29 am AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Saw Dr for niggling abdo pain actually - she's looking for gall stones but bet nothing shows up & they tell me its 'stress' again. Time will tell.
Mu son rang tonight which always picks me up. Accept he didn't seem too keen on my thoughts to move closer. Its hard to know how much to stay in their life. After refusing to let me stay the night last week because i took my little dog, he tells me they've just adopted a little dog (hmm, i bit my tongue) but it still hurts that he's stroppy with me. He doesn't get that he is my family, my christmas my joy.
Well, probably should sleep

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember15 Mar 2016, 11:44 am AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

@Drac0, where'd you go, hope ya ok. Do you have kids? Its hard to switch off the 'parent' Just watered garden, so dry out. Just got msg from forum team wanting to know if I'm ok since my meltdown. Feels like a year ago, detached it somehow, different me now. Do u ever wonder if the mood swings are mpd? I'm tired & still have headache but ok. How r u?

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor15 Mar 2016, 1:05 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Sorry @Former-Member, spent the night on Facebook chatting with a friend on the other side of the world about their problems & didn't get in here really, just an occasional peek. Then been doing the same thing this morning again.....

Yes, I have kids. It is hard to know how involved & how close to stay to them. And every family is different. The idea of moving closer is a big decision to make, and he does have his own life/family to consider. The dog thing does seem a little strange but maybe having their own will change their attitude to yours.

I have never considered if the mood swings were MPD. I've just accepted them as part of my bipolar & maybe a little BPD, but as my current treatment seems to be working I haven't really looked much further.

Glad you're going a bit better, but another headache isn't good. For me, I'm fine though tired after yet another sleepless night.

Maybe next doctors visit you can talk about more than gall stones? Might help thing a little.

Take care.

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