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Birthday Times

Unknown userMember09 Mar 2016, 4:15 am AEDT

Birthday Times

BIRTHDAYS Hi all, every birthday month, since my youngest child died, & left me alone, suicidal thoughts intensify as i reevaluate if i can push through another year (does anyone else get that?). I have one living child, a 25yo son who lives away & determined to prove he doesn't need his mum. Visited him on the w'end & it didn't go well (cause i took my little dog) and i cried the 3hr journey home. Its so hard. My mother 1200k away is battling adenocarcenoma diagnosis that's just starting to grow faster. I want to help but can't handle her abuse & history & the two hovering argumentative brothers who have paranoid psychosis. Dad's in early dementia I & mar misses the man she was so dependant on. Because of my p/t comm support work mum thinks I'm a gov spy connected to Gardianship Board. Any attempts to help by cleaning or making suggestions is interpreted as criticism. She can be so vulgar and got the dr & authorities fooles she's coping. I don't know what to do with them all & my son & my sistet who cut me off after my breakdown when my girl died. Its all out of control & screams at me to disappear. My house is a mess & i'm having trouble conquering the kitchen sink much less the clutter. Anyway, just needed to tell someone, hope it doesn't depress you beautiful souls.

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In response to: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor13 Mar 2016, 4:28 am AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Yeah, I know about losing friends. I have 1 friend online I have known for more than a few years & NONE in real life I've known as long. It was hard starting over, like you I wouldn't want to do it again. Not good having no-one at all you can feel close to or talk openly with.

I was in denial for a long time too. The fact I was crying when reading, crying over music, crying over movies didn't register - I'm a man, men don't do that! Instead I drank.

Yeah, drs can only go on your story & when you can't tell it all it can cause real problems. Took me 11 years before I broke down & told everything I could. It changed a lot for me after that. Still a lot of problems but hey, it's better than the past.

Untreated bipolar I know about too well. I don't know how people used to put up with me back then.

As long as you're waiting for heaven, not rushing towards it.

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember13 Mar 2016, 4:35 am AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

No, no rush here but wouldn't mind. Do u think that's bad? Its food you're here to talk with. Thank you.

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor13 Mar 2016, 4:44 am AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

I have to admit I don't think that's a good way to be thinking but I understand it. Probably something you need to move away from if possible. Not easy i know.

Good to have someone to chat to, normally here alone.....

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember13 Mar 2016, 1:06 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Hi @Former-Member
Sorry to hear that your post got removed, the mods are pretty careful about what's allowed on the forums to keep us all safe. I'm sure if you reply to the email they sent you that they wil answer any questions you have. Please let them know if there are posts from other people/comm guides that are worrying you and they will follow up I'm sure. The community guides are just forum members who've been around for a while to say welcome and help out if someone's not sure how to do something or where to post, but we're just the same as everyone else - here with a variety of needs/problems etc. hope it wasn't me upsetting anyone though!
There are horrible problems with bullying everywhere! There is a woman at my work that I'm quite scared of who is really intimidating and not even the bosses will take her on 😕
It's always hard for me to sort out what's my thinking and what's really happening so I think I sort of understand what you mean, please keep posting though, there is a lot of support here for everyone,
Take care
Lj

In response to: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor13 Mar 2016, 3:44 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

I guess it's which mod sees the post as to how it's treated. I haven't had a post removed but was asked to edit my very first post, too much identifying information. I hadn't read the guidelines fully. They are a bit buried away and unless you actually follow the link in the Welcome Wednesday thread they are easy to miss. I didn't even realise they would fully delete a post rather than asking for an edit, I thought they would just take it offline until you fixed the issue.

I don't think anyone here is conspiring about posters on the forum. Can't deny it does happen in places, heard things myself. But I really can't see it happening here because of the sensitivity of the issues involved.

I think having your faith to lean on is great, though I am far from a religious person myself. But please keep posting, even if it is just to release some of your frustrations. You are a person, a human being and deserve to feel supported & cared for. I know we can't do much, but we are here.

Take care @Former-Member

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember13 Mar 2016, 3:59 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

too hard, bit paralyzed today. They did flick my post to correct but my device won't cut & paste, asked them to take the tiny bit out & repost but guess thats too hard. Can't afford to care anymore. Just wont put so much of myself out there & keep my own backups. Thought i had a lpt to offer, gmm

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember13 Mar 2016, 4:23 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Hate that i'm this upset

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor13 Mar 2016, 7:08 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

I really can't give you advice on not feeling angry & upset @Former-Member, simply because until I was placed on mood stabilsers & anti-psychotics I couldn't control it myself. And I certainly know that being alone makes it even harder to deal with. Often we turn it on ourselves when there is no-one there to calm us, to talk to.

I know these forums aren't much & you even feel they are adding to it all, but use them as you need them. Better to get them out here than try to hold it all inside.

Take care & please keep yourself safe.

In response to: Birthday Times

Unknown userMember13 Mar 2016, 8:48 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Hi Drac0, thanks for your support, & instinctively knowing somehow i can't help it. Been asleep & teary most the day, with a persistent headache. Just a bad mood swing/downer/massive stupid overreaction. Don't think its psychosis. You certainly seem to have come to teems with your illness more than i. Mines so wishywashy & i think i come across better than i am.
You know i saw elsewhere you have struggled with suicidal thoughts. Did you ever see dates as optimal times to do it? Good Friday, Resurrection Sunday & my birthday are pending on the same w'end. My next hurdle & the lead up to it. Will you be around then?

In response to: Re: Birthday Times

Drac0Senior Contributor13 Mar 2016, 9:55 pm AEDT

Re: Birthday Times

Hi @Former-Member, glad you're still here posting. It's not instinct telling me you can't help it, that's lived experience. It took a lot of pain not only for me, but for people around me, before I accepted how I am. I just hope to help people through similar things a little bit easier if I can.

Now your question about the thoughts really got me. I was going to answer flat no. But as I said I like to think before I post. After a little while I realised I needed to be honest, with both of us. Just understand I don't think this is a good place to go for anyone. But yes, I have thought about what would happen if I did it on this day or that, whether the day was important to a group or an individual. It wasn't "I will do it on this day", more a what if type thing. But either way, it's not a place I like anybody going to.

No plans here for Easter weekend, heck usually no plans for any weekend. Even if I do manage to drag myself off somewhere I'll still be around here anyway.

Take care, hope the headache is improving.

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