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Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

FairyFoxContributor29 Aug 2014, 12:39 pm AEST

Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Hi everyone,

This is a first for me & to be trithful I have no idea where to start. What I do know is that I've hidden away from the world so much that I've come to realise I don't have any friends anymore. It's a situation of "the more I hide the worse I get and the worse I get the more I hide". I think there are many reasons for me becoming 'agrophobic', some of which are ten years of DV, conned that I lost everything & topped it all off with breast cancer. You will notice I didn't mention depression...well that's because I've lived with it for over 30 years & it's just become part of my everyday life I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I'm not flippant about it (well I wouldn't be on here if I was) & it is very real. In fact I had it fairly well under control until the begining of that 10 year period at the start of 2000's. I had a back injury at work & that's when my life started to go downhill. I'm not saying that's what caused it as there were a few reasons around that time (the start of the dv relationship, excessive drinking, etc & all while working full time). I've become an expert at the cover up over the years. In fact at one point I had my photo in the local paper for being voted the happiest customer service person for that month. I've always remembered that with irony, if only they'd known what my life was really like. There was a fair bit more to come, (in fact a lot more) & am willing to share if the discussion leads to that & I feel comfortable enough.

Anyway that's enough of the background for now, just thought I'd start this discussion with some idea of who I am. The strange part is I now have good reason to be happy...first thing that came to mind then was "what a joke that is'. My depression is at it's worst & I just can't seem to get back on top, even as a breast cancer survivor. I try to remind myself of the positives in my life now & none of it helps. I have in this state mostly for about 18mths now. Had meds change, now told it's as good as they've got etc etc.

I hope some of you will join in this discussion so we might be able to help each other along the way.

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In response to: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

NikNikSenior Contributor11 Sept 2014, 5:50 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Hi Ivana,

Interesting point about the community helping eachother. Ironically it's RUOK? Day!

You mentioned that people are no longer feeling capable and confident of helping anyone. What advice would you give a 'regular joe' who doesn't feel capable or confident, but would really like to help?

What does "help" look like?

Nik

In response to: Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

chemonroSenior Contributor11 Sept 2014, 5:56 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Help can be about sharing, Nixy. Share your feelings of hopelessness with someone else and let them help you! 😉

In response to: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

ivanaSenior Contributor11 Sept 2014, 10:11 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Niknik,

Is it?
Its a hard question and it can be individual but i guess a good place to start would be by being receptive and asking the individual how THEY would like the person to help them as opposed to saying the obvious-ie:have you seen a doctor/hospital?
“Average joe“ might be able to help in a variety of ways like visiting/befriending people in psych wards,inviting the person to go to the gym with them or even just for walks,generally asking how they are going but without being intrusive,still chatting/visiting them even if they arn't the most lively company,always treating them with dignity and respect,giving suggestions how they keep themselves happy(if the other person has depression for example),
actively supporting rights and respectful treatment for people with mental illness,accepting people who seem “weird“ or different and welcoming them at hairsalons,cafes etc and just generally having a willingness to try in a society where it it often much easier and pleasurable to live a self absorbed live.

Im sure others have better suggestions.

In response to: Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

NikNikSenior Contributor12 Sept 2014, 6:20 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

I think they are great suggestions!

In response to: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

FairyFoxContributor13 Sept 2014, 12:26 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Thanks Dylan for your insightful contribution. I tend to agree with you about cancer therapy being easy compared to the ongoing hell of mental illness. See I should be feeling a sense of joy or at least contentment but no matter how I remind myself I've got everything to be thankful for these days it makes no difference. I take my hat off to you.

I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the reasons why I'm suffering so much more & longer now when I'm past the other bad stuff I went through.

Firstly I think the stress of back injury, dv, homelessness, bankruptcy & then breast cancer (that included everything they could throw at me along with major surgery) has left me downright tired, mind you the last of my treatment was 2012 & have been living in my little unit for just over a year. I have days that I can hardly get up off the bed & a good day is being upright but not getting much achieved, maybe 1 or 2 small chores. I sit at my laptop & waste the day away. As you can imagine my little place is in serious need of a spring clean. This is the little place that I'm so very grateful to have gotten after 5 years of being homeless. Sometimes I'm so disgusted with myself.

The other thing that's contributed & this I think is the biggest, I have nobody in my life that shows me they care. Ultimately this is my own fault I suppose from locking myself away so I couldn't get hurt anymore. Consequently any friends I did have are all living their own lives & to be frank don't really want to spend time with someone like me that only brings them down, plus I have given up drinking as well as the cigs. I can't remember the last time somebody put their arms around me & gave me a warm hug or sat & listened to anything I might have to contribute. I'm sounding very "woe is me' again but never get the opportunity to just off load like this. My appologies if I bring anybody down in reading it. After many an hour of analysis on my part & also many hours of therapy I think these two points might be the key as to why I just can't seem to get myself up & out of the dark fog that I live in. Believe it or not my beliefs in life centre around being positive (haha now that's the joke of the century isn't it). You know by being positive attracting like in return, the law of attraction. I have such strong beliefs & am a spiritual person yet none of it breaks through. I have thought for a long time that somewhere along that journey something inside me broke & I can't seem to be able to repair it.

I want to say thank you to anyone that's taken the time to read this & hope I can be someone others feel comfortable sharing their story with. Peace & love always D x

In response to: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

FairyFoxContributor13 Sept 2014, 12:30 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Haha I like that.
Being "normal" was something that was discussed a lot amongst the women I was in contact with while going through treatment. You know every single one of them ended up with the belief of "what is normal anyway"?

In response to: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

FairyFoxContributor13 Sept 2014, 12:37 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

I have commented on here that I'm lucky in that I do have a good medical team & team it is (GP, psychiatrist, surgeon & oncologist) but even with all that the treatment is not "effective" so I don't know if there even are any answers.

In response to: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

FairyFoxContributor13 Sept 2014, 12:44 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

I couldn't agree more Ivana about more focus on Community. Gone are the days of the extended family helping each other. Everyone's so busy making ends meet these days & if in regional areas moving away to larger more employment areas. Hence families & communities fracture. I've always longed to have been born into a big Italian family that looks after their own.

In response to: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

FairyFoxContributor13 Sept 2014, 12:46 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Very well articulated, thank you for your input.

In response to: Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

FairyFoxContributor13 Sept 2014, 12:53 pm AEST

Re: Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

I'd like to also add that with something like the RUOK day initiative it's vitally important that if the question is going to be asked that the person doing the asking is prepared to actually listen to the reply. I've seen it all too often when someone asks "how are you" or RUOK etc, they don't stop to listen to the person's reply & in doing so they're potentially making the situation a whole lot worse as they've not shown any respect for the person in question & quite possibly emphasised how alone that person feels.

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