Living with depression is debilitating!!!!!

Hi Sandy,

In my case hiding away is not about not asking for help – it is about not being able to face the world – about being too unwell to function socially. It isn't even a conscious decision – it is a gradual process that sneaks up on me.

I have found that I have rarely been able to get help even when I do ask for it. GPs are often ill equipped to assist. I have lost count of the number of times I have asked a GP for help only to find myself outside the surgery with a script in my hand in minutes flat. That is NOT help.

I get increasingly angry with mental health advice in the media that makes trite comments such as, “help is just a phone call away”. Maybe it is for some people but it certainly isn’t for a large number of us.

In relation to your comment, “If we aren't able to be honest with other people, then there's a risk that we are not being honest with ourselves and no one can recover if we don't acknowledge that we have a problem to begin with.” Whether it is dermatitis or depression, schizophrenia or anaemia, I think it’s reasonable that we take control of who we tell.

Possibly I didn’t articulate myself very well. I have been asking (in some cases begging) for help for a long time. It is exhausting, particularly when at times I’ve been so exhausted and unwell I couldn’t stick a toothbrush in my mouth.

Whenever I have been well enough to pull myself up enough again I have kept going exactly because I’ve thought exactly what you said, that if I ask enough and work hard at articulating myself, someone in a position to make a difference might say or do something that results in change. Thus far it hasn’t worked.

Who will make the change or even pass on the message that change is needed?

The GPs who have you out the door in minutes with a script in your hand are already sitting with their next patient and by the end of the day they’ve seen many more. From sheer numbers, you’ve been long since forgotten.

The Psychiatrist (or their receptionist) who has made a patronising, condescending remark as to why they won’t see a Medicare patient because, despite the thousands of dollars you have paid in your Medicare levy for years, you are asking for something for free, is unlikely to be advocating for services.

The well intended Lifeline volunteer who has told you to call an ambulance or turn up at the emergency department feels they’ve given you at least two choices.

Brilliant, call an ambulance, have paramedics who are dealing with a stroke one minute and a car accident the next, assess your long term illness. Then, if you are taken to hospital, the ambulance service will send you a bill so large you could have had at least one session with that private psychiatrist who suddenly has an opening to see you when you are paying full cost and not asking for bulk billing. That should make you feel better.

Then there all the websites that advise turning up at the emergency department at your local hospital. Don’t start me on that one unless you’d like to see a very long posting.

As I have been typing this, there has been a brief media story in the background talking about the tragic loss of both Charlotte Dawson and Robyn Williams and reminding everyone that if they are feeling low or are concerned about anyone, help is just a phone call away. Now that’s reassuring.

Having said all that, I will keep advocating for change. I'll say it loud and I'll say it long and I'll do my best to say it articulately.

Thank you Ivana

I was nervous about making that post and being so new on this forum, have been nervous about a few of the posts I have made. As a result, I am particularly relieved to find someone readily agreeing with me.

Despite trying as hard as I have been able, I have not been able to get help.

As time has gone by I have become increasingly frustrated about over simplified messages about help being available. As I am typing this there is a session on the radio about R U OK Day emphasising that help is just a phone call away. For me it isn't. I've tried all the numbers.

Having said that, if those phone calls do work for some people then naturally it is vital that traffic is passed the way of some of those phone numbers.

For those of us who, despite years of trying, have not been able to get assistance it is a new slap in the face each time we hear those messages.

The slap stings less as time goes by however, going through another life sapping, exhausting episode without being able to secure help, I am aware that the reduced sting is more a numbing rather than an increased ability to cope.

The concern there is that the more we are numbed, the less we are able to act and advocate.

I would like to see more public acknowledgement that for some people there is no effective help.

In closing to say that if all I needed was a listening ear or a script from an over-stretched GP, I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in.

I think a lot of people get frustrated with the run around: calling one number only to be told you have to call another number only to be told that..

hey fairy fox, yep depression sucks. cancer sucks on top of it as well, though it seemed to me like a minor blip in comparison to mental illness. what is a bit of surgery/chemo compared to the agony and attrition of debilitating sorrow/etc. that mental illness brings. I was also in an abusive relationship (mainly emotional) for approx 6 yrs and though it was bad, it was in some ways my salvation as I decided at it's conclusion that while I had every reason to muck up time and again (schz./bilateral orchiectomy/depr.) I didn't want to put friends and family through any further pain. I have found that giving away some of the intensity that I got addicted to through the relationship, and accepting a more moderate life has brought some joy. I also have amazing friends and family that I have had to re-learn to nurture despite shame, humiliation, and paranoia. none of this is easy. I take my hat off to the good doctors (few and far between) and the welfare network that is so important, when recovering from serious illness.

best of luck fairy fox. I believe you can heal from these terrible diseases.

Hi Maude & Alessandra,

It's great to see a conversation now taking place. I agree with Maude about asking for help. I'm fortunate to have both a GP & psychiatrist who are wonderful & fully aware of my situation. We are all slowly working towards what we hope is resolution to my mental health issues, though I have my reservations. Part of my problem I believe is that outside of professional help I don't have anyone to care for me or really talk to anymore. I also don't believe we get into this situation of hiding away conscientiously. It creeps up without thought. Mine has also come from way too much previous hurt throughout childhood, then approx. 10 yrs of DV, so it's a way of protecting myself. Mind you I wasn't aware of all this for a long time.

Because depression is such a downer people tend not to seek you out as much as they would with others. This is something I've only just come to realise. I guess I understand as it's not exactly fun being with someone like that. I think this is also one of the ways we end up so isolated. People stop inviting you places as you either mostly decline or if you do end up going you can't relate or converse with others so well.

There's no doubt that the system is broken.... But it's the only game in town? Best to chip away at it and hope for gradual improvements rather than revolutionary outcomes.

Here's something that could be improved : more enabling help and less disabling help. Why not start with the DSP and newstart? Supply assistance to those with disabilities in a sympathetic, empowering, growth positive way rather than a punitive, disempowering, adversarial struggle predicated on the assumption that all welfare recipients are "bludgers."

Now isn't that something that could be improved? And wouldn't that improvement reduce suicides and hospitalisations?