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Something’s not right

It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor

It's time I disappear

I've been struggling for awhile and today is a really bad day. I'm emotional overwhelmed angry at my BPD. Not coping. Im having thoughts to disappear fir a while where no one will find me.

I am so confused in my head.

I am thinking my family will be better off without me. I am a bother to then.

Pls tell me I'm wrong. Someone tell me to not do it.

Ir seems wrong but my head is telling me very strongly to do it.

Easilt psck a bag and go.

Fragile is how I feel.

97 replies

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In response to: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Hi @Sans911

I'm still here

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Glad you are still here @BlueBay

Its tricky when your mind says that SI is rational .. I have had that a lot ...

Gently Bently

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

@Appleblossom@Sans911@frog@Former-Member@Zoe7@utopia@Faith-and-Hope

How do I let these thoughts go. They are so intense at the moment. I think it's the triggering session I had last night and the crap day I had at work and been felt invalidated by colleagues like I was invisible. It really hurts. 😥

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Hi @BlueBay how are you atm?

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Hi @MDT

I just feel so alone and hurt. I'm emotional and in my head I want to run away and disappear fir a while where no one can find me. I want some peace and quiet.

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Yeh i sympathise with you on that @BlueBay
Last night I stayed at home to watch the soccer. Didn't go out as I had an invite. Sometimes I get sick of the world. The wanting to run away is definitely something I can relate to.
You're not alone on SF because we are all here for one another.
Can you do anything now to make it quiet?

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Thanks @MDT

I have a work dinner to go tonight, not that i really want to go to. i would rather stay home with hubby and watch tv. i am beginning to not want to socialise much these days. But i have to go its for my boss who is leaving to have a baby. I won't be staying loong there, I;ll have dinner and come home.

i am trying to calm myself down by watching tv and distracting myself. it's hard when your thoughts in your head tell you otherwise.

what do you do when your thoughts are like this? any suggestions?

BB

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

I was actually feeling similar this arvo. I played a pc game and then got sick of it so decided to watch the chase on TV.
Other times I like to read or plug in music. Depends where I am. Mostly I am at home these days because I completed uni. So I need a job proper now.
I think @BlueBay I try to tune out. Do what I want to do and focus on that.
Just safety behaviour I guess

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Thsnks for your suggestions @MDT

I appreciate it. I was actually watching the chase. I like that show 😊

In response to: Re: It's time I disappear

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: It's time I disappear

Yeh they did okay tonight @BlueBay
It's a good show to test your general knowledge. The best result I got was ten questions right.
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