It's time I disappear

@BlueBay

I'm so sorry you are struggling so badly today. We did speak briefly on the Sports thread earlier tonight. And I havent been on my PC much at all today. When I spoke earlier tonight I was on my mobile phone, and am not good at navigating on it. I am only now about to head off to bed and jumped quickly on the PC. Thats when I just found this new thread of yours.

I cannot tell you what you should or should not do, of course. But it does sound somewhat irrational to run away and disappear. I do think it would be a mistake.

Anyway you were sounding a little better later tonight than you were when you first wrote here. I hope you managed to speak to a counsellor or someone on one of the help lines. I'm sure they would know what to say and do to help. Much better than I would.

I feel very useless in situations like this. All I can do is to let you know that I care for you, I worry about you, and I truly hope you do not put yourself in danger by running off and disappearing. Your family, your friends, and your supporters and members who receive your support here would all miss you immensely.

Please be okay. Please think hard about your options. Please seek the support you need in order to make a rational and sensible choice about what you need to do.

I care about you Bluebay, and want the best for you, and for you to be happy. Going to bed now, but will check back in the morning. I hope you can get some sleep now too and start tomorrow with a new mind set.

Sherry

Hi @Former-Member

i slept not that great. Kept dreaming of weird things. Thinking of doing negative stuff. I'm still in my pjs and not wanting to do anything today although the weather is disgusting rain and wind here. I think I won't disappear I have my fsmily who would miss me and I would miss them and my grand daughter. But yesterday the thought was very very strong snd rational.

@Former-Member I think I'm going through some crazy change in my life. I'm hoping to see my psychologist this Thursday. If I do I'll speak to her about this thought. I'm still exhausted and emotionsl. I'm crying for no reason. I think my depression is very bad at the moment. I don't know how to get through today. I have some knitting to do but I don't even want to do thst.

I'm so lost in my life.

Thanks @BlueBay for checking in and giving an update on how you are today.

I admit I stayed in my PJs this morning too until not long ago. Its not wet here, but it is cold and very windy. Wind coming off snow I think. Windy weather puts me in a bad mood unfortunately, and makes me feel ill at ease.

Ahh ... now thats a coincidence. I have an appointment with my psychologist on Thursday too. I have a few issues I'm also keen to discuss with her.

I'm sorry you had little sleep, and what little you did have was disturbed and disrupted. I know only too well what those sort of nights are like. Exhaustion and feeling highly emotional are certainly two of the things which can result from lack of sleep. Some days its very difficult to stop the flow of tears, with every little thought tending to lead to sad or bad thoughts and subsequent tears.

You know the importance of course in doing your utmost to distract yourself from your thoughts right now. At least I'm very happy to hear that you have decided that disappearing would be a bad choice. I know your family would miss you terribly. How old is your grand daughter? I have 4 grand sons (19yo, 13yo, and 2 x 8yo) and 2 grand daughters (2 x 6yo's). Although I dont see them as often as I'd like, I do love them all very much. Unfortunately one set live about 5 hours South of us and the other set live 6 hours North of us. So its not easy to catch up with them, especially when both step-son and step-daughter both work and have young children.

Its an indoor day for me due to the windy and cold weather. So far I have called my brother for a long chat. And also completed the difficult sudoku from the newspaper. Just thinking now about what to get for lunch for hubby and I. Hubby is always hungry because of the life saving medications he's on. So he will be complaining soon that lunch is not ready. Soup and a toasted sandwich for today I think. Just the soup for me.

How about you?

Sherry

Hi @Former-Member

my beautiful grand daughter Ayla is 8 months old. I love her so much. She gives me so much joy. Actually she might be coming over later. I hug her so tight and she is my angel. You know a year before she was born I had a dream that I was holding a baby girl and the peace and calm I felt was amazing. It felt so nice. I was at peace holding this bsby girl. Who would have know a year later my daughter becomes pregnant and has a beautiful bsby girl!!!

Hubby and I just came back from grocery shopping and lunch is a meat and potato pie. It's so cold here I needed something warm.

Knitting this afternoon if I can and feel ok.

Still a bit fragile and emotionsl. I'm chatting with @SleepyPanda via email and helping me work out a few things 😊

Hope you hope a nice afternoon.

Ill chat agsin with you later on. Thankyou @Former-Member for being a nice friend to me. I don't have any real friends anymore so it's nice to have them here Xxx

Thanks to you too @BlueBay. Hope beautiful Ayla pays you a visit this afternoon. I feel sure she will help brighten your day. Really pleased that @SleepyPanda has been helping you. They're a great lot, the moderators here. We are lucky indeed.

I dont have any real life friends either BlueBay, so the Forums are a godsend. Yes chat later, that would be nice.

Just finished lunch and feeling cold to the bone. Hubby gone for a sleep which he does every day after lunch. I'm going to go hide under my nice warm doona with Holly for a sleep too hopefully.

Sherry

Hello @BlueBay I'm so glad you're still at home and on the forums. You've come through an extremely hard 24 hours, and more, and I'm proud of you for hanging in there. Please be gentle with yourself, and rest as much as you can.

@Former-Member & BB it's grey here, and the coldest day of the year so far. I do find the the depths of winter with the light lacking that I feel lonelier. The forums are a blessing for me. Here I feel like my experiences and my life are valid, and I don't need to explain my struggles, or justify my existence. BB you are not a bother; you are so worth connecting with and you are a valuable part of our community

Thankyou @frog

❤️

BB xx

Well spoke to my doctor. Can't see him till Thursday. Do he doesn't care either. Should just pack a bag and disappear. See if he cares then. I need help and no one care. I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm hurt.

Morning @BlueBay

It's awful when we have to wait for a professional, and we think that they don't care. They probably do, but in a professional sense. Do you have any other support like a local mh crisis team? Sounds like things are building up again for you. Would it help to talk things over with SANE helpline?

I'm also really happy to chat to you as well if you like. Please try to stay here with me on the forums for now. Don't make that decision to dissappear just yet.

It's getting too late. My head is making my decision. I'm so confused fused. I'm going but not sure. I'm angry at some people.

I really want to go and disappear.

Im sorry everyone