evolving as we go

hi @Owlunar, i'm sorry i'm not in any place to read your post today as it's my traumaversary and i'm not handling it well. i will try and read another day, i'm sorry.

today started well but has turned very hard. i had t and it did not go well at all, and they have thrown a bunch of changes at me including telling us that the trauma therapy is too dangerous so we can't talk about trauma anymore. feel so allone, left alone in the trauma again just when there was hope f it getting better. so alone. so scared and hurting. and sad because today is our son's memorial day and alone with that too because can't talk about trauma!!!!!!! sorry i am just really not good. i have been crying since got home ffrom t.

thank you @CheerBear for hearing and being with the big hard feelings

Oh, @OhanaSystem I'm so so sorry that has happened to you.

So so sorry for your hurts and everythings that go with your traumaversary experiences.

Being alone with all of this is so hard - I hear you.

@OhanaSystem I am so sorry to hear that today has been so very very hard for you. I can't think of any useful words to say, but I am very much thinking of you.

thank you @Phoenix_Rising and @Former-Member. it means a lot that you and @CheerBear are all sitting with us in these sad and scary feelings. there is so much pain, and so much fear because we can't talk about it can't talk about it can't talk about it. nobody wnats to go there. we miss our t and wish she was back but now we are scared they will tell her she can't do trauma therapy with us too.

Hi @OhanaSystem, When is your regular T back? I think you mentioned that your fill-in T isn't experienced with trauma but your regular T is. Is that right? If that is the case, I'd be super surprised if they said she can't do trauma work with you.

I know how very very horrible scary, sad and alone feelings are. I've been having super big scared, sad and alone feelings all day too. They are super icky. I have been working very hard on just lying still and breathing.

I like to hide under my weighted blanket and cuddle my toy turtle when I have very big feelings. What sorts of things do you do when you have big feelings @OhanaSystem?

@OhanaSystem sometimes the replacement when regular t's go on leave are less experienced, like you and Phoenix_Rising have said and somehow we need to find the strength to 'deal with them' until our beloved t's or gp's are back with us again.

I'm trusting (not hoping), trusting that this is the case here for you. You see you've mentioned you were all doing so well with your beloved t, so there is no logical reason why that therapy should be stopped by that regular t.

thank you thank you @Phoenix_Rising little turtle. we think another 2 or maybe 3 weeks before she is back. they are saying no trauma therapy because it's too dangerous because we still engage too readily in dysfucntional behaviours. it hurts. always left all alone with the trauma. how are we supposed to stop dysifunctional behaviours and avoidance when we try not avoiding and nobody wants to hear????

i'm so sorry you're having big scary sad scared yucky feelings tooday too. we hope they ease up for you soon.

i like to do some artwork (done) and cuddlwe with our dog but she's not feeling cuddly today.

thank you @Former-Member we hope you are right. we are worried though because they say its too dangerous while we are doing disfunctional behaviours. its all the people in dbt consult say it and that can be powerful. so scared. need to tell stand in t how big these feelings are and that it feels like being shut up but scared to now.