Living with Ourselves

Hello @Jacques

Please forgive me for not writing to you for so long.

I have needed to have time away from the forums to allow some time purely focussed on myself.

This of course would be wonderful however in the real world...well you know yourself does not happen.

We need to let the experts know laugh..

I do hope that you, your girlfriend and mum are travelling well.

I am not sure where you live...

I do hope that you have not been affected by the recent floods...

I also remember the bmx that you were restoring and hope that you have felt great satisfaction and a strong sense of achievement in pursuing that...

I have been extremely busy in my garden as well as helping in my sons.

It has suddenly burst it's foliage and blooms.

I have had passersby comment that it is a credit after less than one year which is such a joy to hear..

I hope that you have had success in your garden also..

My gardenia is being slightly temperamental in my garden house..Perhaps too much sun..

Who knows??

Regardless

Keep on thinking about you and family so take care and sending you all love

Sophia

Hello @outlander

So sorry to hear about further struggles to add to your existing pile.

I have needed to have time out and will still be doing so as advised.

At the end of the day nobody can tell you what to do.

Nobody can tell you that you do not have a job.

Caring is a job... A full time job in situations like yours..

There does come a time sadly where the carer has to come to terms with letting go of their carer role as has been.

If there is noone else stepping up to help out with your pop..Your pop must be assessed by a gp and the appropriate medical team to exactly the extent of care and where is needed.

This is an extremely difficult time for the carer just as much as the person in care.

Outlander you have been left with this role which I know that you have taken on with love.

Now the time has come for your pop to be cared for by professionally trained people..

Once aggression appears...that is a sign..

The aggression is of course not against you...it is fear from him of the unknown where his mind is at times.

He now needs to be looked after people trained and qualified in this field.

You are not losing him. You are helping him.

He needs to be reassessed and given all of the updates....total honesty...no holding back..

You then will be able to of course still see him and spend time with him..

You will also be able to focus on your serious foot injury which needs much time and rest to heal..

You can also focus on a life for you...

This might mean moving out if you can afford it..

If not..

It might just mean standing up to other family members who have stepped back and left you to literally look after everything..

I am so sorry that I am so blunt.. I have followed your story for so long...

You are not dishonouring them in any way.

You are putting yourself first...as a young carer this is way overdue..

Trust me...I am not young..

I am putting this into practice myself and it is not easy..

Time for outlander...no more excuses now..

love Sophia xx

Hey @Sophia1 I have not been able to do anymore of Cat's corner - is going to be a holiday project now ...but that is okay - will give me time to do what I want and honour her as she deserves. My other 2 babies are happy and healthy - love playing together and give me plenty of laughs. I miss my baby but am so grateful to have Toby and Clover. Cat will always be with me (as you would know) ...and some days are hard but I am also fortunate to have had her in my life and that is what I try to hold onto.

I am sorry about your garden Hon - but you will get it all back into order when you can

Take all the time you need sweetheart - we are here when you can be also - the priority is you - so do what you need to look after yourself and know you are very much thought of, cared for and loved by us here

hi my dear friend @Sophia1

please don't appologise, im so glad you took time out for yourself, i could see you where struggling and im glad you put you first. it is what we all should do when needed.

yes we are all doinf well, mum is coasting along, my girlfriend just went in for her knee surgery and is recovering. im doing all i can to support her. long distance relationships are really hard during these times.

i live close to where the floods are in central west nsw, my home is safe, the water needs to reach 30m for me to flood, it is only at 8 so plenty of space for the dam to let water out, the river is high though.

i am still going with the bmx, just doing a little each day, im struggling to stay motivated, but i am enjoying what i am doing to it.

that is awesome your garden is going well and your busy with family, my garden is looking amazing, i just put another 2 gardenias in and got 2 purple hydrangea's they are going well, your gardenia might not be getting enough sun, they do need full sun from the tags. how often are you watering it? i water mine 2 times a week. it seems really happy, make sure you use well draining soil too.

hugs my friend, i hope you and your family are well.

Jacques

Hello @Jacques @Zoe7 @Emelia8 @Krishna @Appleblossom @Anastasia @Adge @outlander @Shaz51 @Exoplanet @Krishna @Bunniekins @HenryX @TAB @outlander @Former-Member @BlueBay

So much to write to each ...

short on words..

this is not a good time of year for me..

I know that many of you are struggling and this hurts me to read..

I seriously do have to take this time out as been advised.

I wish that I could meet each and everyone of you in real life and listen to you...letting you know how much you seriously do matter...

I am struggling in real life with my own health and living alongside one very unwell son and another who is wanting to be as distanced from all of it as possible. Throw in second husband having to experience my mind stuff...extended family where I put on the face of happy families....

Have done for all of my life..

How many of us have done this and continue to do so..

Stigma is still rampant and we need to protect ourselves..

Choose our audiences...For me it is only now with my second husband..

My older son suspicious of course ..he needs to protect his outer circle..

my younger son gets on very well with him...sometimes better than me when working on the garden...lighthearted banter...my anxiety prevalent ...not included..

further exceptance on my part of what is..

still have close relationship with both sons...each different..

both on their terms up to a certain degree..

both men now and I have to let go..hard...as have protected them both for so long..

they need to be free to experience life ...

older one experienced far too much of the harder side of life...

well...

I think of you all..

I wish you all a restful break during the upcoming period..

I will pop in when I can.

I would love to find a message from you..

So hard to step back and fleetingly leave messages..

Thinking of you all and everything that you are individually living..

Sophia ☺💜💚💛❤

@Sophia1Sophia1

dear @Bunniekins

I saw your support..

I feel so strongly for what you are going through...

Fear for your son who is acting out some of his stretched thinking...

Your own loyalty to your son..

It is so very hard..

My older son who has been diagnosed as unwell..plays the game until released...then the conspiracies mount..

I listen until the conversation becomes abusive and directed at me. I then give warning..If ignored and abuse continues I hang up..

Your situation is far different...It is there with you..

You have your own health to manage..This I relate to.. As so do I..

Today I told myself that I have to release them both as they are adults.

I had to survive in a world with far more stigmatism than is now. Yes still present.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is being able to let go of them and allowing them their freedom to make their own mistakes..

They of course are always welcome to come back if and when they choose in their way..

Struggling with this at the moment..Letting go

You are and always will be a loving mum...Nothing will ever change that ...

No one can take that away from you..

Has the time come to let him go as a man?

You are still there to welcome him back as the free, released son.

We give birth,, rear them to the best of our ability..release them (debatable when knowing that they are unwell)

Welcome them back with open arms when they want to come back..

(This is very difficult)

all done with love

time to look after greenpea?

I really struggled realising that the professionals were the only ones who could help my older son. Only of course if he will let them in... Of course this has not happened. As he does not agree with their diagnosis...

He has made his own decisions as an adult..

Take care beautiful greenpea

love Sophia

@Bunniekins

Says it all...

we are the mums who love unconditionally and will always no matter what...

No terms with our love for our children..

You are a strong, invincible, loving mum...

courageous...

Your son knows this..

Now is time for you to look after you also..

Do not leave this self care until too late..

I am taking self care now.

Logging in briefly..

Strong greepea take care of you

love

Sophia xx

@Sophia1you are one of the origiinal friends that I have on the forums. Thank you for being there. We have alot in common. This year I will slowly be giving son2 his wings. It is time for him to fly. I need that freedom too. You are a good woman. Love peaxxxx