Living with Ourselves

Oh @Anastasia

Doesn't your son get to spend time with his dad?

Or is it due to lockdown?

It is beyond anyone's nightmare watching one's own child young or adult out of control and there is so little that you can do...

other than try to listen within reason.

try to protect yourself and other family..

ring someone and talk it out away from hearing..

Are you up to hearing my load?

Or is that overload..

I am at my wit's end..

worn out also...

If I write it I will delete it straight after..

wow @Sophia1 this is huge my friend, you have no idea how proud i am of you, not only did you go to the park, you went for a walk and also to a library, and you even interacted with the staff, WOW!!!!!

i so wish i had the courage to talk to people, i just can't do it in my real life, i stutter if i try to talk, im just so scared people will ask me questions. i hate being asked what im up to or where i work, i feel so ashamed.

im so happy that you managed so much in one day, please keep trying, i know what you mean about the 3d effect, i always look out of my window over the farm i live next to, it feels different when i walk to the ense and look over, it is like something different all together, i have forgotten how beautiful nature is just because i only go to the shop and straight home.

i do have good memories of when i was walking about 7 years ago, i really tried this year to get back into it but so far i have not managed it.

i hope the books you hired are a good read, i bought 2 new books at the post office about anxiety and im really enjoying the read. one of the authors works for sane!!!!!!

no i don't think it was from people making fun of me because of the mask, i just can't bring myself to be around people and i feel safer just staying at home. in my own little world. i don't know, i guess i fear the unknown. fear that im not in control of anything outside my house.

yes, im not sleeping much of a night and i try to catch up of a day, and sometimes i just want the day to go faster, i guess in a way i want my life to go faster. my sleeping patterns are all over the place. i don't know what to do.

your friendship is very important to me too, please don't feel pressure to talk, just let the conversation flow naturally, i would not expect you to respond to any of my messages straight away. it is nice just having somewhere where i can just talk openly, without fear or favour.

hugs im so so proud of you @Sophia1

Jacques

Yes his father moved away, that was the beginning of my boys decline @Sophia1

Of course write away hunny. I am always here for you. Once I read your message I will thumbs up then you can delete x

Thank you the moment of a flick of desperation to act out and write about my latest grave concerns re family member has passed..

I now have gone back into fear mode that he might be searching the internet....

He is an internet guru..

As I feared before and ended up closing my profile...opening this one..

I feel unsafe...

I cannot share any updates...

I will have to put my self care in place..

so will not refer to this situation again.

thank you from the bottom of my heart @Anastasia @Appleblossom @Jacques @Clawde in supporting me..

I will still be on the forums just not writing about this subject..

@Sophia1 @Anastasia

@Jacques

I am trying to write to you to let you know that you are important to me in this virtual world..

I have deleted my responses half a dozen times now..

I do not want to emboil you in my family member's current situation..

He stuttered first at the age of 3 then again in year 2 primary..

many speech pathologists...

does not stutter when angry or psychotic..

i will delete this after you have read it..

I will write back to you if you still want me to at another time..

I have to go back and delete some posts elsewhere

im so sorry to hear of a family member passing, sitting with you and listening.

these traumatic times can really have an impact on our mental health and i want you to know you have friends here and you are cared for and thought of.

gentle hugs my friend, im here, i care

Jacques

@Jacques @Sophia1

Hello my friend @Jacques

I feel beside myself with sadness at my not expressing myself clearly...

Please feel reassured that I have not lost a family member recently...

Thank you the moment of a flick of desperation to act out and write about my latest grave concerns re family member has passed..

It was meant to read as the moment has passed...

I am so dreadfully sorry ..I hope that I have not affected your health...

Please do not chastise yourself or feel any guilt...

the issue was as a result of rushing out a response...not in a good mindset..as well as not speaking to a person face to face...

I have been drained of energy ..not in the best place...needing not to write about my family member any more..

unable to face the forums..💚

Your response was so very caring and delicate..

You are a beautiful soul my friend Jacques..

I am here for you also and I do care ..

You have touched my heart with your kindness ..

I can't stop crying now...not your fault remember...just needing to cry ...

I am safe...

please let me know that you are safe when you read this even with a symbol or emoticon thingy..

Sophia

gentle hugs for you also..

hi @Sophia1

oh im sorry i mis read your post, i understand now, i do the same thing i worry what will be when my mum passes, it is hard to say what you mean when you are so distressed.

please don't be sorry, it is ok, please be gentle with yourself.

see if there is some way you can treat yourself tonight to break the thought process, mindfulness, stay in the present

hugs my friend