Living with Ourselves

@Maggie

💚

sending you tender hugs @Sophia1

you are very important to me

take it easy this afternoon , be kind to yourself my friend

there will be plenty of other times to go xxx

mr shaz is the same , and we just cancel the outing xx

@Sophia1 Hey Sophia1 sending you caring and kindness. Wish I was there to help you in a practical way rather than just words on a screen. Take care of yourself. Love peaxxx

Thank you @Shaz51 @Maggie @Bunniekins @Adge @outlander

and so many others who have supported me in the past...many have moved on..

I really am struggling at the moment..

have not felt this bad in a long long time..

I should be over the moon with our new home finally being built..

I should be so content that husband's family appear to have finally accepted me...only because I have made the effort yet again...I do this for my husband

I should be happy sister finally showing more interest in me...even though mother not wanting me to visit...I might be contagious..

I should be happy one son is successful and building new home..am so very very happy for him and he is moving closer to me...

so why?

other family member ....

losing communication again..not missing physically... missing in communication...conversation...

I feel that i have lost him yet again...person will not be here for long...

I now do not feel safe...aggressive tone triggering my past experiences ..person knows that I will always love them no matter what...health deteriorated.,..

will be moving on soon ..

painful that cannot be together..

dreading what is to come..

member not having any professional help at all...

trusts only myself and father...

what is the matter with this world?

I feel overwhelmed with grief...loss....rage....love...

so what am I doing to those who are believing and loving me and wanting to be with me in this world..those who are living their own battles and still here...not blaming me...?

I am wallowing in this insipid depression that totally encompasses me and I feel nothing...

How can illness separate...?

I have worn a mask for the majority of my life..

I still do with the majority of people in my life...

in fact it is only my husband, two sons, sister and one friend who know..

it is very exhausting...draining...keeping up a facade..

hence I started isolating....have been doing again...

so I have to work at confronting my isolating...this is feathering the nest for my depression..

thank you for reading if you have got this far....

thank you for supporting..

I do not expect anyone to understand me...as I am far too deep apparently..

I truly do respect and appreciate each and everyone's support on here..

thank you

💕💜

ps

please do not feel that you need reply..

I just hope that I have not upset anyone further or exacerbated their own feelings..

@Sophia1 Love peaxxx

@Sophia1 I do understand so much of what you have expressed, along with all that is not expressed. I know the masks, exhaustion, isolation and much more. I have thought in the past that change in physical circumstances would also change my mood, but no, mental illness is a very hard and long road.

I am sorry one family member is unwell and withdrawing into a world of their own, strangely I can understand it in part, good help is hard to find as well as trust. Heartbreaking for you, I hear your pain.

Its always good to hear from you, when you can, no matter how you are.

I appreciate your support. 💕💜💕💜

love your responses @Maggie @Bunniekins @outlander

at the same time not diminishing others whom I have tagged not responding..

as I know that there are times where i myself and others are just not able for whatever reason..

perhaps even unable to.. understand this also

I cancelled a few carers outings at the last minute which I regret so much.. they were outings that so appealed..

I just could not do it..

how sad is that...

how pathetic is where I go...I am crying as I write...what is so bad about me that I cannot even go on an outing with others who have some issues in their lives...why am I so much more indespicable..

there are very quiet people whom I talk to who now seek me out ...they are so interesting to listen to..

what is wrong with the rest of the world.