Living with Ourselves

Thanks @Sophia1

You are so understanding - I appreciate it

You weren't here two years ago when my sister really went to far when our aunt died - there is no need to rake over the past here and now but let's say until that happened I would have still had a place for my sister but her behaviour indicated that she was not in the mood to get along with me - I am a tolerant person but there are years and years of water under the bridge and at some time I will have to tell her that I have no place for such a vexatious spirit in my life - maybe this is the time which is why I feel tense - maybe she won't be there - I can pray she won't be there - it's enough that my uncle is so ill and suffering so much - that is so much more important

I forget if you were here in February - I began to get very tense around Christmas time and I had a strange converation with my aunt on the phone - it was unlike her and I started to plan a trip to Tasmania to see them - I was going whether they could see me or not. As it turned out it was the last time my uncle was well enough to see anyone socially - it meant a lot to me that I had that time with them and it meant a lot to them too - we had a wonderful afternoon driving near Hobart and it was a glorious afternoon

Since then things have gone down badly for him and we all have to leave this world at some time which is normal - it's also normal to have a hard time waiting for the day - but when someone is suffering it's a blessing - still I am concerned for my aunt

There has been a special relationship between me and my uncle since I was born - and we do survive such losses - I know from my own experience - I will be okay

Still as I said and you understand - I don't have much to give right now but I will tag you into my other thread

Thanks Sophia

Dec

Hi @Sophia1 No garden time yet.

Except when I'm out there, doing the aviaries (seed & water) once a week - & intermittent checks in between.

My canaries always show their appreciation - by jumping into the clean water for a bath, as soon as I've replaced it.

Adge

Yes @Owlunar

Now that you have refreshed my memory I do remember you being in a quandary about whether to go to Tasmania or not...at the same time emphasising how important your relatives were to you...

Yes you trusted your intuition and have that memory with you now for ever...

Sister situation...will she be there....??Can you ask your daughter ahead of time ...letting her know that you are struggling with news of your uncle...do not want to risk any confrontations ...is your sister going? would that work?

Christmas time...yes I tense up at the mention...then there are the people who are counting down...I have not enjoyed christmas for as long as I can remember...always seemed to be the occasion when the worst side of people came to the fore...then there was the other false...pretence of happy families....I did put my happy face on each year though...

still too far away to think about for me...

too much else going on...starting selection process for building...

rather stressful in between specialist appointments and tests...

tis life..

will have a look at your other thread...my head is so very all over the place...

Hello @Adge

Good that you have your birds and gain comfort from looking after them....they are quite fascinating to watch...

we are surprised at how much bird life is here in this house that we are renting...there are quite a lot of bushes...trees all around us ...so does make sense...

the back garden here has a lovely feel...

I managed to water the plants at the back as well as all of my pots...I will need to water the front tomorrow...try to save the cuttings that I added despite the fact that the rest looks awful...

bye for now

Hi @Sophia1

Yes - I trusted my intuition and I am trusting it again - my cousin asked me to keep the info about my uncle to myself so I am guessing his passing isn't imminent and also - because his health is so bad that they are still in Australia though they could be overseas with one of their sons so I am setting up a passport straight away but don't feel it's urgent at this point

My sister - no - I won't ask - I have heard that something I call Prickly Daughter Syndrome can jump out of the wood work without warning so I will wait and see what happens. One thing is for sure - I will need to protect my boundaries.

But I also know the rest of my family will be there - my grand-daughter and her half-brothers and their wives and kids - with such a crowd I can ignore someone else - then there is my ex-h but I am used to ignoring him -

Ahhhhhh - families - we wouldn't be here without them d'uh

Christmas - yes - two months to go - I haven't been in the position of not liking it much but I don't like to be alone on Christmas Day - it has happened bit I let it be known and it hasn't happened since. Last year I was with the family all day - I have no idea what we are up to this year -

Getting a new house organised would be something to get one's head around - I am glad I don't have to do that - and I know you have had something done to your spine too - I guess the pain would be pretty bad and having more tests and investigations is tough - I went through tests back in the 90s - unpleasant - then all the stuff to try and manage pain took time too - things are pretty stable now but it took years so I do not know your situation but I know enough to appreciate it

Sending my thoughts

Dec

thanks @Owlunar

I try not to think too much about my surgery and recovery...

just take notice when I get reminders that I have done too much...

quite a few lately..

I tell myself that I have come a long way so far looking back to day 1...the future is not here yet..

Understand your not wanting to upset the applecart....yes getting lost in the crowds is one of my many techniques...lovely also that you have your daughter and family...grandchildren...so you have much to look forward to..

the rest can just happen around you without you being a part of it...

walk in with head held high..smile on your face...arms wide open to love and hug the ones you want to...

I will try to keep on top of your other thread...

have not been this busy in so long...

one thing that I have realised is that I am not isolating myself....don't have the time!!

every cloud has a silver lining

Hi @Sophia1

People don't often realise it - my son-in-law has three children from his first marriage and I have a whole bunch of great-grandchilden - great grand-children and great-grand-children and although my daughter isn't old enough to be their grandmother I am old enough to be their great-grand-mother - I love my position among my descedents

My grand-daughter is in a serious relationship too - time has passed sooooooo fast

Dec

good morning @Owlunar

an instant family so to speak...

how wonderful that you have grandchildren..great grandchildren and great great grand children...

busy times when you get to see them..

I have no grandchildren...

Have been looking forward to the idea in about the last 5 years...

It will happen when it happens...

what are your plans today @Owlunar?

we are busy with bringing together selections to start the process for building new home...

lots to do...see...time travel...

my head is spinning...

better than depression and isolation by a long chalk...

as I am saying to others may the sun shine on you and bring you rays of hope....something to smile at ....a laugh if possible

good morning @outlander @Adge @Former-Member @Owlunar @eudemonism @Zoe7 @MDT @Exoplanet @Bunniekins @Bill16

@Nay69@Former-Member@Maggie @CheerBear @Shaz51 along with all of the ravers with whom I have spoken...

sending you all thoughts of a sun filled day bringing with it rays of hope ...smiles...laughter...

endless opportunities within this universe that even we with unwell minds can find something that will lighten our day ....no matter what that might be for each of us....

that we will not allow anyone to judge us for it....as it is our special time..