Living with Ourselves

Hi @Sophia1

Hi @Zoe7

No, the GP's have not given me any due consideration in recent years. I spent several appointments (months ago), only to be shown the door in less than 3 minutes (without any checkup).

I've just been to see my Sleep Dr specialist last Friday (once a year) - he sees my severe fatigue as normal for my condition, as it's always been severe.

So no answers there, although he is a really nice & considerate Dr (the nicest I've ever had). I've been seeing him for the past 11 years, in at the Hospital Sleep Clinic.

I do have some lovely flowers in my garden at the moment - mostly it's the long-established "survivor" plants, that held on despite several years of me not watering anything often enough.

My Appleblossom Hibiscus, Swan Lake Hibiscus, Lamarque (white) heritage Rose, Purple-flowered Lantana Montevidensis (groundcover).

I got sort of scammed (conned) by tree loppers (several years ago) into paying them $1000, just to do heavy pruning (not tree lopping) - I can't pay anything like that again.

I rely on my subsidised gardening service, to prune & tidy my garden - they only come once every few months, for just 40 minutes (no longer).

The state funding agency for that gardening service will soon shut down - to be replaced by NDIS.

So I'm forced to apply for NDIS, which I probably won't qualify for - So I stand to lose my gardening service permanently.

Adge

Yellow Banksia Roses are gorgeous @Sophia1 One of my all-time favourites.

Adge

oh no @Adge that is not good news. It is things like our gardens that give us moments of joy. I love sitting outside with Toby on a nice day - that and going to the beach are the small things that bring me joy. I so hope your garden service doesn't stop

Not good thst you have been treated so impersonally by doctors in the past - other than your sleep doctor - he sounds like he cares.

Thanks @Zoe7 Yes, I love my garden, despite there only being a fraction of the number of plants that I used to have.

My psych reminds me that I can always pay for a gardener privately, but I cannot afford to do that. The last time I tried one, it cost $300.

The subsidised gardening service only charges $24 (3 gardeners) for the 40 minutes.

Adge

That is a huge cost to try to have to cover on your own @Adge - try checking out the classifieds in your local area - there are always individuals charging less than that for some extra money - you might find someone in there a lot cheaper and you could do a deal for them to come regularly - worth a look anyway.

@Sophia1💕💜🌷

Hi @Sophia1

I am here now and the complex is really something else - beautiful building - tall too - all with balconies facing inward over the pool - it's really glorious - and really warm too

The room I stayed in before I flew out was something I had never expected - I guess that is international standard - and this room is lovely - the sun is shining in here right now so I know where east is at last - I have to go out before it gets to hot to find a supermarket - and have a swim when I get back - I am really glad I chose this place for a holiday

I had a great flight - I had an in-board IPAD with an app that showed a mobile view of the flight path - and the window seat - and I spent most of the time looking out of the window and then at the IPAD to see what was below

And it is really dry in Central NSW and Queensland - I have heard about it and read about it but this is the first time I have seen it - such dry red sand and for miles and miles - but beautifult too in a way - and the long winding rivers with trees stand out

It was fantastic

That driver - I am thinking about what to say to her - she is frankly annoying - I have had worse - things with the council workers are getting iffy because of the changes coming in with My Aged Care which is a mystery to me - the literature they put out is confusing and the website more-so - I have put that out of my mind for now - my agency will tell me when I have to get back to that - I am sure people of my age and older and often not computer literate or do not have good English must be really lost and I have yet to hear anything good - and of course the good might be there I have yet to find it

Your Dad sounds a bit like my - weird sense of humour and not being demonstrative with his feelings and you had a close connection with him - ditto me and my Dad - I miss my Dad from time to time but my grieving for him past a long time ago

But he held the family together - without him my Toxic Sister had free reign to break it down and I wonder sadly about her - how miserable she must be to do such things - how fragile - but has you said - tis life

I asked my Dad about how he felt a long time before he died and he said he did not wear his heart on his sleeve - WASPy stuff of course - and he was highly decorated - loads of medals - and I told him

"I know you have a heart Dad - I can hear it beating under all that Heavy Metal"

To this day I believe that moment of irony was lost on him but keeping himself to himself was something he regretted - I know this because only a few days before he died he had a moment of clarity and told me about the past and that I had been badly treated - a great moment of vindication

Great to see you again Sophia - I feel out-of-touch being so far away from home and the site actually - I am glad I brought my computer although it's not easy managing through airports - it's great to have it

Back later - the sky looks stormy - I did not expect that today - the early sun was really warm through my window

I wish you were here

Dec

hello @Adge

I can relate to you feeling disappointed with the health system...

That doctor who only saw you for three minutes should not charge you a fee...I hope that you were bulk billed.

I eventually changed medical centres...fortunately there are two different ones here..I had two very rude..dismissive doctors also.

There are some very good doctors about. unless you go often they get booked out though and dont see new patients...I find these days the young ones coming in are better..they have the latest uptodate knowledge and are compassionate about their work.

11 years at a sleep centre...has it helped you at all over the years?

I don't know very much about sleep centres...My sister has one of those cpap machines at night..

I do hope that you feel some relief...

how is your depression level...when depression kicks back in if we are prone to it...it is a total mind body attack..

all of our energy is zapped..add to that lack of sleep....ongoing sleep issues exacerbating the situation further..

do you see a psychiatrist am not sure if you are on antidepressants or not...sorry if you have already given me this information...

take care adge

big hug

Hello @Adge

I thought that I would reply to your post about your garden separately..

I have not heard of the two hibiscus types that you have listed...I do have two hibiscus in the large garden bed at the front..I don't remember their names..

I love the Lamarque white heritage rose...yes used to have some of the purple flowered lantana montevidensis when I had my house near the city..

I have a lavender flowerind buddleia...had a yellow one that died lack of watering...

An ornamental pear tree that is just surviving..

I lost my lemon meyer tree in a pot

A huge double ficus that has overtaken the verandah roof...

sadly needs to be pruned right back when we move...might have to have a special ceremony for that ...

I might run some of my ideas past you when we get to the stage of landscaping our new garden....a small area as we have a large tree...I have some ideas for planting under the shaded area...need to wait until the house is built and can visualise..

I have all of these ideas in my head ...just need to see the size then work out morning sun afternoon sun full shade stuff..

With the pruning or weeding in your garden ....what about community centres or even garden clubs...as you are a horticulturalist they might welcome your knowledge and input...also an opportunity to help maintain...just a thought..

or advertise in the local supermarket....pensioner or unemployed looking to earn some cash for light gardening occasionally...get them to work when you are there..

NDIS appears to be behind the shutting down of many support groups ..areas...

it will be interesting to see what happens as they will not be able to manage..

I think that maintenance around the home will attract more cash in hand workers..

take care

Sophia

hello @eudemonism

This is a hard period for you ...would be for anyone under the same circumstances...

Using cigarette patches...well done..you are trying so hard...giving up smoking is extremely difficult for any single person let alone on other medication or dealing with health issues...

the patches themselves can also make you irritable as the nicotine is released into your body..

do you wear them all night?

Withdrawal symptoms from nicotine will also play havoc with irritability tolerance levels...

You are doing this though...so I applaud your tenacity ...perseverance....commitment...tolerance ...courage...conviction..

I could seriously go on an on Eude...

People have stated that the main thing is not to give yourself a hard time...

be proud of what you achieve....do not focus on slipping back

each time you cut back on your smoking you are making change..

one day at a time...congratulate yourself on how many days you have cut back or stopped or whatever stage you are up to..counting the days ...keeping a record helps some people..

try to avoid if possible being in the company of others who smoke.

When is your new psychiatrist appointment....? Is that coming up soon? that is when you talk about preparing yourself to change your medication under the guidance of your psychiatrist..

music has different meanings for different people...

Hope that the feeling not well passes for you soon.

remember to be kind to yourself...

big hug

Sophia