Living with Ourselves

Hello @eudemonism

Asking the questions who do you turn to?...Who do you trust?.....What action do you take?

These are good questions....the answer to all of them you have already made a plan and put into action...

you have an appointment with a new psychiatrist...you have instigated this yourself to get your life back...

the negative voices of resentment are trying to trick you into not doing this...negativity wants to be in charge...

You can tell negativity to get on a bike and take a hike...

you have another plan...all under control....

You have got this Eude....this is the side effect period that takes you down the same thinking patterns from the past....

you have proof that you have survived every 28 days...

you now have your plan..

your friend

Sophia

I've been up my mountain twice in about 21 months. @Zoe7. So definitely my plan to spend a lot more time there. I miss that sense of peace.

Much like you with your mountain I miss the beach and the smile it brings to my face watching Toby run around @utopia Hopefully you can get to your mountain really soon and find that peace again ...and not be bitten by any creepy crawlies or flying insects

& you and Toby will get to the beach this summer @Zoe7

Yes we will @utopia - we both need it - I definitely need the warmer weather and to be able to feel the sand under my feet. ....and I know Toby is missing the exercise. He is definitely feeding off me and my mood atm too and becoming a bit of a brat - but that is my fault for spoiling him as I do and not taking being able to take him to the beach.

I think we over compensate with our pets / children @Zoe7. We are often overly aware of the things we haven't been able to do for them - so we spoil them in other ways. And some are cheeky enough to take advantage of us.

So long as we keep reminding ourselves - that we are doing the very best that we can & that our pets / children aren't really suffering due to our mental state. It's simply that things have needed to change while we are unwell.

I do worry that Toby is not getting enough exercise @utopia The only walks we used to do were at the beach. There I could let him run where he wanted and have fun with the other dogs while I watched on. It didn't matter that I could not walk far because he had the whole beach to run around himself and he always kept an eye out to make sure he hadn't gone too far from me and would then come back. When I had the energy to walk I would take him on the bush track also but that stopped when I got really sick again and we haven't been back on the track since. He does love the beach more because he is off-lead there. I so much want to be able to take him back to the beach soon and I think it wuld really help me too - it is just too cold and I am too vulnerable to getting sick again right now.

Hi @Sophia1

I haven't been in for a couple of days because I have been busy - I am usually busy on Fridays - I have domestic help then shopping with a driver and I get frazzled with the driver I had this time - she constantly interupts what I am saying and I am starting to feel slightly more than irritable - it goes on from the moment she turns up until the moment she leaves and this time I raised my voice and spoke over her twice - so frustrating - she blinked her eyes with surprise when I did this a couple of days ago -

So what to do - what to do - yes - I could complain about her but I feel a stronger need to deal with her myself - and tell her I feel (always start with I feel) - yes - I feel as if you are interupting me and when I raise my voice it's really not the way I like to interact - sooooo....."

Anyway I spent yesterday sorting out and packing a lot of my stuff to go away and although the rest of the place is tidy my lounge got shamble-ized and it's looking better and no doubt will when I finally get it all into three bags ready to walk out

I made a beef stew for lunch today and tomorrow - and I have done my washing and I have to sort out a taxi and the list is getting shorter and I have a note taped to my door - DON'T FORGET THE CHARGER - gotta have the charger

I am terribly hard to offend - I get your silly side - I understand what you are writing about so there is no need to worry about that - when I am off-line it's because I am busy - or not up to the forum because I am not wanting to share my thoughts or can't feel useful -

I am getting over that last one - sharing when I am not really in the frame of mind to do so - I find it does work for the betterment of my world if I tell someone about it - it gets it off my chest so to speak

Being rejected by the hypertext - oh join the club - please - they usually let us know when something has been rejected but as I don't always look at my in-box when I am in the forum I miss that and I think - I forget what I wrote - I let it go - Even when I get the red warnings I am not always sure of what it was I said was wrong -

I love spontaneous silliness - something I really miss from my family of origin - things split apart forever when Dad died but I remember the fun of Christmas dinners when some of the members were already slightly tanked and the jokes got weirder and worse and the kids were too young to know what we were going on about and my mother would shout "Stop it - stop it - you are all terrible people - stop it at least while I go to the loo" and she'd be laugher herself all the time - it was sheer madness and so long ago

I read my messages on my phone which I cannot connect to the forum under this name so no - I can only read and I read something about 3 different women at different stages of life with different mother issues - I don't know where that is now but I thought it was a wonderful and thoughtful comment and really liked it

Gotta get back to the shambles Sophia - I am okay - just hating the weather here and glad I am escaping for a few days really soon

Dec

hello @Owlunar

Thank you so much for taking the time to reassure my over sensitive mind...

Preparing for your holiday makes sense....

Don't forget to pack your camera and binoculars if you have some....I see that you have note re charger in hand...

getting close now....

I know that you told me the date before ....guess what along with a zillion other important information ....I have forgotten...

I am out tomorrow and probably won't be back on-line until Tuesday...

So if you leave before then have a wonderful..fabulous well earned holiday....

I agree wholeheartedly about that rude ignorant driver.....

Also having to lodge complaints ourselves to management becomes very tiresome....

As to the rejection...I don't check my emails every day either....So I had no idea....I blamed it on my mind of course...You must have glimpsed it as it landed before being sent off to the rejection pile...

I shall look for it another day...It was befitting because it connected with yours and Appleblossom's post....When I am feeling more alert I shall go back and try to connect it....

Yes spontaneous silliness was one of my father's attributes....as he was not demonstrative or expressive re feelings that was the closest loving connection I had.....I did love him so much....I have found that I have been really missing him when health has not been good....When our defences are down with ill health our emotions come closer to the fore...tis life...

take care

Sophia

@Sophia1@Appleblossom@utopia@Zoe7@Shaz51@Exoplanet

I am a psychopathic robot.
I am a mental health patient.
I need medication.
I seek nothing but good mental health.
Zzzhhh Zzzhhh I am having a melt down..
I need an appointment with the psychiatrist.
I need more drugs.
I must aspire to good mental health with everything I do.
Take no prisoners.
I love side effects.

I love side effects.

I want more. I was more.

I must accept my diagnosis.

I must move on with my existence.

Zzzhhh Zzzhhh I am having a melt down.

Need appointment with psychiatrist. Need appointment with psychiatrist.

Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction.

I need more drugs.

Need prescription. Need prescription. I must go on.

Lol Eude