Niquas Notes

No plans here Mazy @Mazarita, . . . well I do have to get the washing off the line & what I washed yesterday on it 🙂

I didn't hear from the psychologist, perhaps tomorrow I'll send a text to the mobile number?

I wonder what time low tide is in your area today?

Low tide is after lunch, Niqua. Not in a state to get out there yet. Takes a fairly strong effort of will, which I don't have as I'm still sitting here in my nightie with not much energy and aching legs. Getting washing off the line sounds like a good plan. That reminds me, it would be great if I did some washing today and got it out on the line. Thanks for reminding me. Again, later, lol. Yes, I would send a text message to the psychologist and/or another email. Perhaps you could explain in the email that you have trouble initiating phone calls. A psychologist should 'get' that, as you are not the only one with that problem, by any means. @Former-Member

Good Morning Everyone

Mazy @Mazarita,

I understand that state of not having any strength of will. I have been sitting in my recliner for months - doing nothing but stressing on my focus. It means the little things have felt like big ones, I'm on top of the dishes, even a little obsessive - every time I dirty a dish now, I wash it immediately . . . so I don't have to wash up. I did get the washing off the line & on, which means I have clean knickers 😉 I wonder if you have clean knickers now too 😄 I will send a text to the psychologist this afternoon if I haven't heard from her, explaining that I previously sent an email & that I have trouble making phone calls. I have not given up on helping my daughter & grandchildren, the desperation has subsided, this will be a long haul, I can be patient. 0.01 baby steps at a time, is still moving forward. I may be slow, but I am determined. I am not one to go to doctors & take pills, it took months of anger for me to do so. You are far ahead of me there, you have a trust in your doctor, that will help you get through this transaction of your medications & the fall-out from your adventure down south. Bit by bit, I know you'll get there Mazy

I haven't left one of these super-soft bundle of silk for such a long time, this one has an extra strong love, coated in kindness & understanding

Good morning, Niqua. Another late night here last night, but less extreme than the others. About 2.30am. Woke at about 5.00am, then again about 8am.

Been awake since then but still sitting in nightie with the blinds drawn. Some days I just feel the need to have the blinds drawn for at least part of the day. I often think about how much of my life the neighbours can see, exaggerate it in my own mind and fear they are disapproving, disliking or going to hurt me for some reason. These are the dark recesses of my daily imagination. My general anxieties that the world is about to end (not unrealistic), jets will fall on my head (less realistic) and everyone will turn away from me (when in reality I am loved).

Your obsession with washing dishes immediately sounds like quite a good habit to get into really!

I do have clean knickers. I almost always have clean nickers. Mainly because I have a lot of knickers (thank you, eBay)!

So good to hear you talking so realistically about the family and how much patience it might need. Moving forward is a great way to go.

Yes, I will get through this. Thank you for believing in me.

I love the silk bundle and send soft love back to you.

@Former-Member

@Former-Member

Good Morning Mazy @Mazarita, Claire @outlander & Everyone

I got an email & text back from the psychologist yesterday evening, saying she will call at about midday today. So now the nerves are real, I'm going to be an idiot on the phone as I always am but I'm going to make an appointment for next week. I have no idea what this will cost. The more I think about family counselling the more difficult I think it will be, mainly because of the distance. I think I will re-write the letter & get the psychologists opinion, the GP did say I could send the original letter, so that my daughter knew what I was thinking. But I'm not happy with the original, it has too much anger.

My grandchildren are not being abused, I don't feel they have been taught good behaviours, manners, values or routines; but I don't believe they are abused & do believe they are loved. My daughter is an adult & she & her partner are the parents responsible for those children, it is thier right to make the decisions that they have; but it is also their responsibility to face the consequences of those decisions. I am not the only adult that knows what the household is like, the partners parents & 2 other fathers are involved. I do not have legal responsibility for the children, but I am their grandmother & have been involved with each of them their whole lives. I believe that does give me a right to voice my concerns.

Perhaps the only thing I can do is be honest with myself & brave enough to say what I think & feel - 'It's not alright'.

Hi Niqua

It will be getting close to call time by the time I finish this post. Sending love and strength to you on the phone. That's all you need to get through today, so hope you take some deep breathing recovery time afterwards.

I'd probably wait until I talked to my psychologist before sending a letter like that. It's good to hear that your grandchildren are not being abused. I had that sense even before you said it, although the grandaughter who says she has experienced sexual abuse seems to be getting neglected on emotional support.

I'm personally not sure how much you need, or would be best to intervene in your child's adult life, but I do understand your concerns. And each day you sound calmer and more able to approach things in a healing way, more realistic about what obstacles there might be, and how much time and patience it might take to change.

Will hit post on this so you get it before your call.

Love and hugs! @Former-Member

Still no call yet, . . . it's a bit like torture.

Oh that sucks @Former-Member ..... I hate it when that happens ...... 😣

The psychologist didn't call, I'm really losing confidence in seeing her. I go to my GP tomorrow, I'll tell her, it's really family counselling that I want, perhaps she can refer me to someone else. Feeling pretty flat, I waited hours for that call.