I feel like I have woken up & opened my eyes for the first time in 20 years. Perhaps it was the eldest girls being so unhelpful, I was definitely affected by N’s actions & yours by doing nothing about them. Hearing she had not started any driving lessons & seeing that you did not make the $1000 payment on the loan was finally too much. I also see very unhealthy choices on how the money in your household is spent. I see way to much value on fashion & entertainment, yet hardly any on the likes of education or time spent with your children.
Can you list the things do you do with your children? Most of what I have seen or that you speak of, is shopping & parties. You may not like camping, picnics, sports or parks; but are you thinking of what your children like? Sure they like movies & games, because that’s all they have. You moved ½ an hour away from a beach – how often do you take them to see it? You’ve made it obvious you didn’t like wearing a RAAF uniform to school, have you considered how your children feel wearing the same, washed out uniform, every day? How they feel about being excluded from activities at school because their fees aren’t paid, fees that are legal as it’s an independent state school; how they feel not having the listed requirements for their education?
I want you to know that in the past couple of years I have transferred over $10 000 into your account. That does not include my handing my card over every time I visit or the gifts I have given. I put thousands into the household at Christmas, just to have L ask for another $800 for your birthday and then a week or so later, to have you tell me yet again, that you’re broke & need money. I have seen what addictions do in a household before in my lifetime, one of the obvious signs is that money disappears & there is never enough.
I wonder how you’ll feel if even just one of children choose not to visit you? Will you do what it takes to keep them in your life? Will you jump every time they need you, do everything you’re able to keep a good relationship with them. Will you think to yourself ‘they need somebody that’s constantly on their side’? Will you accept it as part of the responsibility of being their Mother & admit to yourself there must be a reason & it might have something to do with how you raised them?
I’ve never pretended that I was a good mother, I struggled every step of the way & am still struggling. I recognized it & it was the reason I only had you. You were not planned but there are no ‘mistakes’ when it comes to pregnancies. We all learn at quite a young age what causes them, sex. You learnt quite young, that you are particularly fertile. I find it difficult to believe you cannot get a tubal ligation, but even if that is the case, why doesn’t L get a vasectomy?
I am sorry I failed you, I am worried you are failing your children. I see history repeating itself, only it’s getting worse. Yes you were brought up in an unhealthy household with alcohol & drugs, I’m not saying you had a healthy upbringing. I think you’re putting your children though more than I put you through. Every parent makes mistakes, there is no right or wrong, but I beg you to think of your children.
You said to me recently that you were worried N didn’t respect you because you had her so young. I don’t think that would be why a child would not respect their mother, I think you should look more closely at other actions & decisions. 9 pregnancies to 4 different men, ending your relationship with J so suddenly & beginning with L so quickly, with an instant sibling from this strange man ‘on the way’. After a termination to the man you had an affair with, again almost instantly, while you were separated from J & 3 further terminations with L.
I should have said something as these things occurred, but I wanted your love, I was weak, it was wrong of me, I’m sorry. You have 5 children dependant on you, they have no choice in your decisions, and they need you to be stronger. If you cannot do it by yourself, the strength that is needed is for you to seek help. You know illegal substances are accessible by all your children, in that shed. A shed with no latch, never loan a lock; in fact quite often the door is left wide open & those substances are not only accessible, but completely visible.
You may think the younger children do not understand, but children grow up & learn & remember. Every parent wants a better life for their child & every child grows up & holds resentment for their parents’ decisions & actions. Establishing & maintaining boundaries is something children don’t like, but they are extremely important. What boundaries do your children have? I am extremely concerned that N told you she had been through rape & you did nothing. What is it that makes it so obviously a lie? Even if that is the case, making such a serious allegation is a desperate action. There was something terribly wrong, she was crying out for help, what have you done to help her?
I do not understand why you & L stay together. I have watched you making unhealthy financial decisions all your life, I believe it is a sign of mental illness, which was occurring before you met L. I’m sure he did not receive $3000 electricity bills before you moved in, as I’m also sure he did not have to feed & clean pets as he did not have any. I have heard your pain & listened to your tears so many times when you have, yet again, caught him out on another lie. I was horrified at the photos of the bloody hallway & your description of his reaction. It is obvious by not allowing you to even see his bank accounts, that he is hiding something huge. Yet this is the man that you have chosen to be responsible for your children.
I am also concerned for L’s state of mental health, I think it is this illness that holds you both together. You recognize it & you tolerate & enable it within each other. I think another fact is that all of your children are being adversely affected by it. I too have been tolerating & enabling the illness I see in my family, as such I have been allowing my grandchildren to be adversely affected. I don’t think I can do it for much longer. Somebody has to try to break this unhealthy cycle.
I cannot do this myself, I will have to seek help. I do not have much faith in counselling, but it would be a start. I believe the entire family needs to be involved. Everything needs to come out, from everyone. Hiding it, trying to bury it, I think is only going to spiral the unhealthy cycle down further & it is your children that are being hurt now.
I am trying to be the strongest I can for you. I love you & my grandchildren. Without my family I have nothing. I cannot ignore things anymore. I am willing to lose everything.
Going by my last attempt to contact you, I do not believe you will respond willingly. If you do not, it will be the Police I seek help from.
@Mazarita @outlander @CheerBear @Phoenix_Rising @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Sophia1 @Former-Member @Queenie @Adge @Silenus @TAB @Bast @BlueBay @Former-Member @soul @Sans911 @Snowie @Bunniekins @Former-Member Everyone
I'm thinking of sending this to my child. I want opinions. I want anyone to tell me if they see signs of my mental illness in anything I've said or how I've done it. I am not necessarily going to agree with or do what anybody says, I just want opinions.
