Niquas Notes

any plans for today Niqua? @Former-Member

What about Cheerbears thread, I've forgotten what it was called, you know the guessing games; or the crossword one?

I'm thinking I've got to get out of this chair & wash some dishes. Get up & get on with my life. I've been thinking I haven't been devastated enough, but I've been devasted since xmas & the things just kept happening, in fact I've been devasted for a couple of decades. Perhaps my daughter, in her own neuro-biologically distorted way, has done the best thing possible for me - forced my freedom.

I like your new avatar, the stone ring that sent you back in time 😉 I'd like a new one, though I can't beat Planet Niqua - would you draw me another one, this time with a rainbow of colours.

Love to you Claire & a pair of old cyber arms to hold & protect you today

NN

@outlander

Niqua, so glad to hear you are feeling a bit more positive in the mornings and that you are sleeping better again.

I'm glad you have been getting some counselling from moderators and friends here. Even if you don't agree with what has been said, it probably helps that it's not just rattling around in your brain alone all the time. For myself, I don't have a view about what you 'should' do really. I hear you when you say it is a relief at some level not to have contact with them. You are entitled to be angry too, I agree. Though, you know me, I tend to avoid anger as much as possible, but that's 'cos I'm a peace-loving hippy. And also, for me, my anger seems to hurt me more than anyone else.

There's mental illness through my family too. I don't really like thinking of anyone as 'defective'. But I know as friends we can hold different views like that.

I'm likely to be on a bit of a tough ride for at least a month from Monday, with a major change of medications happening. I think I'll need to channel my rough-rider father's genes, and just get through it as best I can. I'm not going to worry too much over the next period of time about what is going awry, just going to try to survive it. Similarly I'm not too worried at the moment about sleeping too much, not doing the 'right' thing etc. Still feel like I'm recovering from the big ride down south. So whatever goes is what goes for Mazy for a while, I think, though I'm likely to whinge about this and that along the way too.

Really good to see you around and writing a bit more than you were.

Sending lots of love, as always. @Former-Member

good afternoon @Former-Member

Good afternoon @Shaz51

Hello Claire @outlander,

No other requests with my Planet, just all the beautiful colours of the rainbow 🙂 Maybe one of the islands could be in the shape of a smile 🙂

NN

Hello Mazy @Mazarita,

I hope I haven't said anything that has made it appear I disagree with anyone. I have agreed with most things I have read & I think anyone who agreed with everything would not be being honest with themself. Mostly I greatly appreciated the caring, acceptance & understanding of total strangers who heard me Anger is something I think is perfectly natural & has an important purpose, I don't deny I struggle to manage it - I think perhaps part of the reason is because I hold a great amout of anger from causes that I can no longer recall. Not only have I never written the things I have recently on this thread, I had never really let myself think them. I know what really hurts me about my daughter is that she never visits me. Never. Ever since she left home, she never came back, I should have 'let go' then, I believe that is the natural thing to do. I don't think adulthood has anything to do with a number, I think it is when someone can survive on thier own. In a way she has proven that by not returning, but I know she's never been alone. I still fear she would not be able to survive alone.

I don't see Mental illness as defective, I don't see it as an illness; I think it is natural formation of the brain, a natural reaction of the brains process; I think it is our society that veiws it as a defect. I'm a peace loving hippy too, but when I think about that, I see it as a sign of the decline of the dominate species. Neither good nor bad, just a part of evolution.

I think you should take up professional roller-coasting as a career - if only there was one hey . . . we'd all be rich 😄 I think your stronger than you realize, made much more progress than you think. You did brilliantly in Melbourne, you'll do brilliantly with the med change. I definately recommend this forum, even this thread, for letting it all out, the good, the bad & the ugly

Love to you Mazy

Oh Niqua, love to you again, and thank you.