Niquas Notes

Good morning, Niqua. Lots of love to you today. Mazy

@Former-Member

Sending you peaceful vibes @Former-Member

I've just sent my 2 eldest grand daughters a text, it said

I want all 5 of my grandchildren to know I love them. I'm sorry I upset your Mother. I have been upset for many years & should have said something a long time ago. Instead I let it build up until I exploded, it was wrong of me. I miss you all.

Again I hope I'm not over-reacting. I'm not meaning to drag my grandchildren into a dispute. I just want them to know I love them.

I love my cyber grandgirl too @outlander

Hi Niqua, just found your message here. I support whatever you choose to do in this hard situation. It must have been a relief to be able to communicate something their way. Hoping so anyway.

I've had a draggy day, very tired again and aching lower legs, including knees, which have been hurting increasingly of late. It's like the arthritis is spreading up my legs. Took some pain relief for that but still couldn't be motivated today to do more than nap on and off, do stuff on the computer and sit in my armchair. But I did do some more work on video stuff on the computer, so that's something.

Thinking of you. Love, Mazy

Good Morning Mazy @Mazarita, Claire @outlander, @eth , @Teej , @Shaz51 , and everyone passing by

I'm feeling a bit more positive in the mornings, I am finally sleeping again & that's a huge thing.

How is your sleeping going Claire? I hope your waking improves Mazy

I haven't been getting out of my armchair for months now Mazy, I sit here & look up online counselling, family ones in particular. I even tried to join one yesterday, but my brain just wouldn't let me figure out how to do it - I think the truth is I just don't want to. I kind of feel lighter, like I've shed a weight & even the thought of trying to 'work things out' makes me feel heavier again.

I think looking for counselling is what led me to send the girls a text, because the only real counselling I can recieve is from the members and moderators here on Sane - & they've all suggested contacting my family. Now I have, though I realize the text I got may not have been from my daughter, the partner may have seen a mention of the police & sent it. I haven't recieved anything else or anything back from the girls. But I have tried.

I am allowed to be angry. My only child, to whom I for many years I was their single parent, has neglected, used & abused me. One thing I've learnt about family is that they a just people, not necessarily good. I think my family suffers from genetic neuro-biological disorders, my mothers mother underwent electric shock therapy for suicidal ideals, I never met my fathers parents but read his fathers dossiers - just by the words written on the pages I believe there was a serious problem, my brother was diagnosed with borderline autism when young - he would spin a ball for hours and hours on end & he never smiled or laughed, later in his life he was diagnosed with a form of aspergus {I don't really know what that is}, I was dislexic {saw & wrote things back-to-front} - though I grew out of it, my neice has been diagnosed with bipolar.

I think it's all a part of the natural evolution of life. The dominant species is always doomed to become extinct. They end up with no natural preditors, nothing to keep the numbers in check; so it's not just the strong & healthy that survive, the weak & sick are able to breed. That weakness & sickness eventually infiltrates the genes of the entire species. So it is not just that we are eating ourselves into extintion, it's not just the numbers. It's just natural evolution.

Love to all

Niqua

Good morning @Former-Member sending healing your way.