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I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2018, 11:08 pm AEDT

I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Does anyone else ever get to the point with sh that they just want to cause as much destruction as possible? Total and utter urge to self destruct?
I don't care about the ramifications, I don't care about the downstream impacts.
I just want to destroy myself.
What do you do?

319 replies

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In response to: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

CheerBearSenior Contributor15 Jan 2018, 8:44 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

@Former-Member I feel so scared when I have certain stuff I want to talk about. Like shaking, sick, run away, feeling scared.

I'd start with exactly that - "I am scared and I don't know where to start".

How would that sit with you?

In response to: Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2018, 8:52 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

That's actually a really good way to start @CheerBear.
I like that.
I have all these questions I'd like to ask him, but I'm just so scared. But by opening that I'm scared at least gets that out there.

In response to: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2018, 8:53 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

That was my thought too @CheerBear ..... exactly what you have written.

@Former-Member it’s the therapist’s job to help you start, to help you work out what it is you need to say, and support you emotionally to do that.

The thought of it is intimidating to start with. I hope they quickly help you settle with it.

I am feeling intimidated regarding an apt on Friday, so I am seeing how big my brave can be ...... and trying not to overthink it. I didn’t make the apt, the therapist did, so I am only obliged to turn up.

Your first step is simply to turn up, so just do Step 1, and see what emerges as Step 2, as I am ......

Hope that helps.

In response to: Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2018, 8:58 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

I've just had a 'good' (well I think it's good) idea, maybe if I tell him what I'm so scared of and why, it's kind of like getting half of it out there. Without having to talk about what I'm scared of talking about.
Psychodynamic therapy they kind of stay really quiet and don't necessarily say that much. Or at least not as much as CBT. They kind of let you stew in your own juices. And I end up dissociating/zoning out.

In response to: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

CheerBearSenior Contributor15 Jan 2018, 8:59 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

For sure @Former-Member. It's being honest about your feelings without needing to dive right in to the big potentially scary ones until you're feeling ok enough to, and hoping/trusting that your therapist has the skills to understand how to help you speak in a way that is safe and right for you.

You could also take it from the angle of not knowing what to talk about or how therapy works also, if you find there's a time that feels right for you do that. I find getting an understanding of the process of things really helpful also. These conversations can build trust and understanding between therapist and client which is so important.

In response to: Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2018, 9:06 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

How do you people know so much.......
I feel like a little kid who doesn't know how the world works around you people.
(not that this is bad thing, it's just a thing).
How are you all so wise and knowledgeable?
That's another thing I want to get from therapy, to be one of those wise people who understand social situations and different aspects and viewpoints and the like. @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

CheerBearSenior Contributor15 Jan 2018, 9:06 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Talking about things without talking about them is another thing I do a lot of @Former-Member.

I think you've got this (and fully acknowledge how scary it can be and how much it can feel like we don't have this)

@Faith-and-Hope you're so right. Step 1 - go. Step 2 - see what happens. I have a feeling your brave is big Faith-and-Hope ❤

In response to: Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2018, 9:17 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

All the best with your session tomorrow @Former-Member- I hope having bounced some ideas around with @CheerBear and @Faith-and-Hope has helped you feel a little more settled about it. I love watching conversations like that bloom on here. Nice work @Former-Member @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope 🙂

In response to: Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2018, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

They're both right @Former-Member,
I guess it's just so intimidating knowing he'll call me on my stuff.
But I can at least envisage going in and talking about how scared I am. How very very scared I am.
And that's possibly the biggest problem.
Me being scared.
I think I could comfortably talk about being scared for at least an hour!!!

In response to: Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2018, 9:23 pm AEDT

Re: I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

@Former-Member @CheerBear ..... I am in my sixth decade of life.

I had very wise and caring parents, lost one early-ish and had to grapple with grief ..... have had tall mountains to climb and very diverse life circumstances, including three babies under two years old, temporarily losing one of them at 7months during surgery .....

I married young, learned what passive-aggressive behaviour was through a baptism of fire (compliments of my in-laws) and have had many strange and challenging life circumstances, including disabled and mi siblings and grandmother, and husband working 100hr weeks 7/7 days a week.

If I have wisdom and tenacity, it’s born out of both adversity and blessings ..... my life has abounded in both. One of the blessings has been meeting all of you here, on Sane forums, as a result of the greatest adversity of my life so far .....

Reach deep ..... breathe ..... wish for faith and hope in life ..... and take a step.

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