I know this post is going to be 'moderated', but I really don't care.

Hi @Former-Member,

I've read your post. You seem to be able to articulate your thoughts and feelings super clearly.

I'm curious about one thing though, what is your understanding of the difference (if any) between a belief and a fact? I absolutely 100% respect your beliefs and I don't want to challenge them in any way...but do you think there is a difference between a belief and a fact? Does believing something make it true?

You mention that you believe the soul or essence is about "eating, moving, socialisation and interacting and being with other living things." I know for a fact that you socialise and interact with people here in Forum Land, and I'm going to guess that you eat and move, so I'm wondering, if those are things you believe are part of having a soul, and you do those things, how do you then arrive at the conclusion that you don't have a soul? I might be missing something here, but to me this doesn't flow logically.

It sucks that there are people in your life that hate you. How do you know they hate you? Have they told you? There are certainly a lot of people who don't want me around. I've had four restraining orders taken out against me, and other people threaten legal action if I don't stay away from them. I guess that makes me a pretty bad human being, right?

It sounds like when you were a little dinosaur, you got hurt in ways that little dinosaurs shouldn't be hurt. I'm sorry that that happened to you. When little people and little dinosaurs get hurt in those ways it can make the whole world feel like one super gigantic muddle. That is super scary and super yuck. It can create super big muddles, trying to figure out why the bad stuff happened. When you hear of super bad stuff happening to other little dinosaurs and little people, I wonder if you conclude that it is because the little person/dinosaur is bad?

You asked if you can ever be a "good" person? I'm not sure what you mean by a "good" (or a bad) person. When you look at other people or spend time with other people, how do you figure out if they are good or bad people?

You might have seen me mention on other threads that since my turtle whisperer dumped me, it feels like my soul has died. I guess that makes me a soul-less person too. Does that mean I'm a bad person? Or does it mean that I am a super badly hurt person?

Wow, that all got really long didn't it! I'm heading out of Forum Land now, but I'm very happy to continue this conversation with you if you want to @Former-Member. On the other hand, it is a bazillion percent ok if you don't want to respond at all. Oh and by the way, I like you just as much now as I did before I read your post.

Oh and by the way, I like you just as much now as I did before I read your post.

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Thank you @Phoenix_Rising

I'm not too sure about the difference between belief and fact in this context, but I'm an adherent to the scienfitic method. Nothing is a fact, as nothing can ever be proven, only disproven. That said.... I'm not going to be testing the law of gravity any time soon.

I'm not sure I can logically argue the above, and following what I said above it can only be disproven. I however know the truth and many other people do to. I've got 30 years of evidence if you really want to dredge up my life.

I am a ilving thing, but I do not have a soul. I am not capable of the connections that other humans make with one another that is essential for one to be considered human. I cannot in the truest sense of the word 'interact' with other people. I cannot as I do not have that essence in me. And that is what is requried for true, deep and meaningful connection.

I know people hate me because they refuse to acknowledge my existence. My own siblings won't acknowledge my presece. When Dad was on his deathbed and we were waiting to see if he could breathe without the machines, neither of my brothers would look or talk to me. I was in the same room as them and I didn't exist. My ex-best-friend hasn't spoken to me since I went into hosptial 6 years ago. She doesn't want a thing to do with me. All throughout my life I was seen as 'less than' by the bitches at school. I rememeber once a girl walked past and was amazed that I was listening to "cool" music that she obviously thought only she and her friends knew about. It was like she was seeing me as a person for the first time. I've been treated like that from prep to year 12. Always scum. Always wothless. If I ran fastest in the grade or I topped the maths exams the girls would discount my efforts. It's just 5-HT, she doesn't count and the 2nd fastest or the 2nd highest score would be regarded as the 'best'. In english in years 9 and 10 I was told that I was reading books that were 'too hard for me'. I loved reading and literature. To tell me I couldn't even do that hurt. When I topped the class in exams my teachers wouldn't read out my name, they would read out the next in line's name. And I would be sitting there thinking to myself - isn't 96% higher than 93%???? Did I top or not? When I started being with guys and I asked them to wait, they would never wait. We had to do it or they'd break up with me. If they asked me out and I asked to be just friends they blocked me and never spoke to me again. All I was good for was a screw apparently. And I don't put out so I have no idea where they got that idea from. I'm scum. I will always be scum.

I've got much much more, but that's what I'm willing to put in the public arena.

No one else I know is bad. I cannot concieve of how another person could be bad. It's just me. It's not something I've done, it's inherent in who and what I am. I cannot escape this. I cannot be something else. I am bad and evil and wrong and broken. And it will never change.

I want to be a 'good' person. I want to be a 'real' person. Other people are real and good, just inherient in being a thinking, feeling human being. I want that black mark inside of me gone. I wish I could learn how to be good. You don't seem to understand how sepearate and broken I am. I am so abhorently different to a real human being that you would be disgusted if you knew me. Everyone else in the world is good; flawed, sad, damaged; but good. I am not good.

Hi @Former-Member

I wish I could help.

I admire how you can articulate your pain, your insights are very powerful.

A person with such intelligence is worthwhile, please try to look past the negative reinforcement you have received your whole life and be kind to yourself.

SP

@Former-Member

Have you talked to the Uni's Student Welfare Officer, ask for assistance, they don't want you to drop out, you have legitimate reasons to ask for help. Your not dumb, you're just struggling at the moment.

SP

Hi @Former-Member

I love the word perspectivity. It helps you to slow down, take a breath and calm yourself. I've found helping others less fortunate, especially kids with disabilities, can help you find prespectivity. Every life is worthwhile, even your own.

SP