Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

I am sorry too hear that it is that frequent. @Jacques.

On @Crazy_Bug_Lady's thread we are starting to talk about ways to talk about SH.

My brother also told me lots about all the different types and people who SH when he first went into a MHU in the early 1980s. There is no point getting competitive about it but I think that a factor at the mhu that my sister and he went to. Which is why I respect the limits SANE has placed, but also trying to get to the bottom of it to shift it or find other things that help is important.

Hi @hopeandsupport & @Appleblossom,

i am sorry to tell you this, i didn't think it was all that serious, it is SH but not to the point of serious harm.

Yes i think dad dying was the trigger for me to become agoraphobic, but i have done a lot of things in my past i am not proud of, i know it will haunt me for the rest of my days and maybe catch up with me in the future, i am just dealing with it any way i can, i would not be able to join a group because i struggle to be around any more than 2 people, i avoid crowds.

i am a lost cause, i just hope i can help others on here. make my existance worthwhile.

Jacques

dearest @Jacques

🐤🐣🐰🐩🐶🐹🐥🐦🐢🐺🐐🐔

I also can't cope with crowds. It's even really weird spending time with my ex husband.....I should stop writing ex.....we do everything together.

Yes i understand, even when i go to town, i just sit in the car, maybe walk into 1-2 shops then straight back to the car, i shake and sweat and all the other anxiety symptoms, if people saw me they would think "oh look he can leave the house" but when i do i very rarely leave the car, i am just so frightened of people, i try never to talk to anyone when i do go out, just hello and thank you, that is it.

i often don't know what to say because i have been isolated from people so long, i don't know if what i am saying even makes any sense, i am always self conscious of looking like an idiot, it paralises me to the point where i studder.

It is good you have such a good relationship with an ex, so many end up so bitter and hateful, food for you, oh i am meaning to ask, how did Arlo go at the vet, i think i read something about him/her having to go?

So yes, we have to distinguish. The things my brother did, freak people out,they even cant cope with hearing about it, let alone being with him when it happens or called in to help, or actually just loving him and being helpless and in horror. I cant stand people who watch gratuitous violence though I had to toughen up to be a teenage mate for my son.

I tried to be so careful with my brother, but containing all the stress caused me to start to rock and go into a frenzy.

So it keeps me isolated

Right now I am a bit of a jittery wreck. Not safe on the roads or public transport, so I did not go to choir.

Yes I was continually tongue tied and/or bulldozed in social situations. I felt better at work or at educational situation. I was obviously very nervous etc but would force self to overcome feelings for educational situations.

One of the problems with forcing myself to overcome fear all the time is that I am a jittery wreck now.

I have just had so much lack of safety I dont know how to judge things.

I can talk to people now and keep it light but not good at making friends

I try to be polite about my neckand pull my weight in groups.

..otherwise I may have to stay housebound .. so many people are just so used to throwing their weight around and are so sure that they can say anything and are so rude...

Thats why I came here and am glad about carers vic ..

I was almost catatonic when kids were little. Then I try and crack jokes as I dont want to be a misery guts... but they are really bad jokes

Dear Jacques,

better out than in, when your ready, i am here about your father. Ive got some serious catching up to do in reading sane forums though. Remember when you were 5 years old that you started not wanting to stay the night at other peoples homes, though.....

Yes, it is....oh amazing about the husband. He was diagnosed chronic paranoid schizophrenia at 19years old. He fought and fought medication took drugs, repeatedly went to jail until......about a year ago.

Its been a huge journey for me, in the last 2 years, realising that not everything is my fault. ...putting a restraining order on him ....., learning that horrid time with the stalker and making up with my Mum. Then dreams about my step father conning my home away from me.

but his thoughts on changing behaviour has sent me into a spin......I remember my wedding day.....as the best day of my life. I had never been as loved as ever. He wrote to me through my Mother after one year and and it took me about 6 weeks to longer to get back to him...

He is very quiet. Very softly spoken. Very intelligent. My sons really love him because they know him. My Mum loves him. . I get repeatedly told by Mum how much he cares about me.

Arlo is going back to the vets next Thursday. His eyes are flaring up. Next week, Arlo is going to the groomers. Arlo is a cool dude.

Isolated from people......hmmm......have you heard the beautiful cd of Jon Kabat Zinn? You should look it up. Called, 'No matter Where You Go, here You Are.'

Maybe, this is your life. Maybe this is what your meant to do.

Im not like you. Im an extrovert. I get myself in situations all the time. Maybe imaginary maybe I do. This is why my husband is so wonderful. He is here. He is my constant sounding board. He is very clever and like today, he ran in to give my son a gift from both of us but helped me write thecRd to him.

dearest @Appleblossom. .....Isabella,

I think about you.....never as more than kind, weird (in a very good way) and positive.

Your allowed to be triggered.

You have a lot to hold in your soft pink hands.

Much kindness to you.

And a few frogs, cats and dogs....🐢🐦🐶🐈🐀🐁🐤🐭🐂

Thjank you @PeppiPatty, things are so complicated for me, it has been a very long time and things seem to just spiral, i don't know if i will ever be able to re-integrate into society, it has been to long, and i am in no mental state to be part of society, at the moment i am better off isolated.

Thank you, my father dying was the straw, but i have been suffering for far longer, this all goes back to when i was 5 years old, you are right.

I am so glad you still have such a close bond with your ex, and it sounds like you are mending things with your family too, family is the most important thing in the world, i wish i was able to have more contact with my family sometimes.

i will look up Jon.

Thank you for thinking of me. you are a kind and caring person.

Jacques

The more you think of yourself as separate from society the bigger the distance can get, but to me you are just a beautiful person and there are some more out there. I have to remember that for me too.

I have had a lot of difficulty feeling separate and isolated but learned what topics to raise, and I even started with "the weather", and just good manners. the garden is a great topic. As people get older they tend to be more accepting about other people having different interests and preferences. etc. It is mainly the younger ones that have sharply defined in-fashion interests.