Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Hi Anne, thank you,

I am so sorry i have found it so difficult to talk to you and @Appleblossom, it looks like you guys have had the same problem with mis-interpreted writing, i really felt for you both.

I have been readign your posts too @PeppiPatty, and i love the pic of Arlo, please give him a big hug from me. he is so sweet, he must be the light of your life.

I think of you and @Appleblossom often, i have missed talking to you both. i just needed to get comfortable and confident talking again.

Thank you both so much for standing by me and supporting me. you are both true friends.

I am going to bed now to try and catch up on some sleep.

Wish you both well

Jacques

Thank you so much @Jacques for responding to the concerns of my posts. Time will tell what happens ... each relationship has its own special mysteries and style.

Life experience is worth a lot.

Yes, misunderstandings are everywhere ... we muddle through.

I missed you too, and had retreated a little.

Feel free to "pop in" anytime.

We had our visitor for a few days and we are talking about things.

She said it was good to talk about things, and I hope that remains true.

I told her she needed to talk to her psychologist about it.

I guess I was shocked at how quickly she reverts. She agreed my son had never been angry with her, or goes into little boy mode, and that she does get angry and critical too quickly. I dont want my son to get hen-pecked into her whirl of self-pity when there is actually every reason for her and her mother and father to be grateful to us.

It was not meant to be a veiled suicide threat, but is indicative of my mental state and all the abuse I have experienced over the years.

Mostly it was reasonable and positive dicussion. Then we went swimming to cool off after the heat. That was lovely.

She asked if she should stay away when she doesnt "feel" well. I said I didnt know, to talk to psychologist.

I also am more convinced than ever that the excesses of patriarchy.

I can offer help, music, indulge her food preferences, companionship, but not willing to be played or manipulated.... that is a clear boundary.

I am so proud of you @Appleblossom for setting clear boundries, it sounds like she needs clear precise lines to not cross. she sounds like a very confused woman, not sure of herself and is insecure about her relationships.

It would be so nice if their was give and take from her, i don't think it is fair either you have to make special meals, just the offerign of food should be treated with repsect.

It is good you had a nice day at the pool, as for your son, i know you are scared he is falling into an abusive relationship, but one thing i have learned is interfearing only make you the bad perosn, i think it will have to be something he will have to sort out himself, he is a smart, caring man and i am sure he will see the relationship in time as not good for his health.

you are right the sexes don't matter, it is all about being respectful of everyone, creed, race, religion, sex.

you are so wise @Appleblossom, you have so much to share with the world. so much life experiance and a wonderful way of explaining things.

Thank you @Appleblossom, please be kind to yourself

Jacques

Thanks @Jacques

She is insecure and confused and she also has some lovely values, so it could be a lovely relationship. It helps me to write it out otherwise I might ruminate a bit too much.

The thing about interfering is difficult as she approached me ... and had a weekend away with me before she got close to my son ... so I am involved ... and a lot of their time happens under my roof ... more than at her father's ... and involves her use of my car etc.

I managed to talk to the carers vic lady on the phone about it. It is the 2nd time I have missed an appointment as I am "recovering" from her visiting. Yet I do like her ... its just the issues are so triggering.

When I see her hitting herself I also see me .. but we have to learn from it and grow .. but I need help in supporting her as I dont want to coerce into a relationship that is not right for him.

Thanks I am trying.

Time will tell.

Hi Appleblossom

Do you want to post a comment to sum up your thread

Its just that I am impaired somewhat cognitively

And find it hard to read