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Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

AppleblossomSenior Contributor17 July 2015, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

I get so tired of being strong and being positive and thinking of a new approach. I feel pull out positivity like a rabbit from a hat but that it can become false. I am now hypersentsitive and ambivalent about whether I should continue to post or withdraw.

I have had low self-talk and concentration poor.

My son has been the most loyal of all my family to me ..it worries me because he is vulnerable too.

Nobody else cares and I put a lot of effort into family events for decades.

I started swearing and calliing myself piece of dirt and other things like I am becoming a teenager.d .. but i dont want to have to be teenage boy all the time ..

I would like to have been useful

I have managed to get some help and am grateful, for what has worked.

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In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

JacquesSenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 7:33 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

You are very wise woman @Appleblossom, i really like reading your posts, i hope you are going ok, sorry i have not written for a while, you are often in my thoughts.

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 8:06 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Dear @Appleblossom

You write 'I don't know why your MIL excludes you. '

I can see that you take my saying etc writing ' silly billy,' online so i know that you respect me. And I can see that you also love a Paychotherapy slant on things. I've read many books on Good enough Parenting by Winnicott and can see that you have too

Dear @Maritza

Did you write that you may do vollunteer work ? It is so fufflilling
I also offer writing letters to any problems to people who are stigmatised and it is self ..... Feel really good about yourself when the responses come

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

AppleblossomSenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 10:18 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Yes @PeppiPatty I do respect you.

I am a bit wary of my dil now. I was scared then ... after the car accident and being pushed out of my house .. really I needed rest and protection. I am not really lazy ... When I quietly note something that is a bit out of order sometimes she acknowledges but also sometimes goes into self harm ... its not simple. I plan to discuss some of it with her father .. for protection for all concerned.

... and yes I studied psychotherapy quite formally when I was in my 20s ... it will always inform my understanding ...I have even more to back up my point of view now I am an old crone ... someone said we shouldnt sound like therapists ... tough ...I have done 3 years of training ...

I am a silly billy sometimes ... I got lost the other night .. which doesnt happen often ... I dont do psychobabble though .... I am working at reducing self harm and put downs ... fair is fair ... I did the work. I do try to talk straight.

Sometimes I have been incoherent in my life ... but not with psychobabble ... usually grief, exhaustion, and/or physical neck pain.

There are some boundaries I am probably more clear about than many people ... but there are always new ways of looking at things. I am committed to life-long learning.

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

AppleblossomSenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 10:23 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Thank you @Jacques

That is fine ... thinking of you too ... I feel close to you anyway ... I check your thread with @hiddenite and click the like button every now and then so you both know I am "watching" but I dont need to butt in all the time.

I know you are doing it hard ... I know you are a valuable person too.

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 10:28 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Oh wow I did that training to but never to be a councellor !
I love reading ..... Everything makes sense to me now
I love how Winnicott did that ...... Test on judging whether mothers were good enough or not : by having a wooden spoon tied to a chair by a long string and mothers would sit on the chair with their babies :
The ones who let the babies explore and discover the spoon themselves he judged as good enough and ones who took the spoon and gave the babies the spoon were also judged .....
It made me laugh
I trained for my art to be good enough and not the whole course
I'm the queen of psycobabble
But I think I'm forgiven here xxxxxx

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 10:32 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

How are you @Former-Member ?

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Unknown userMember07 Dec 2015, 10:34 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

i'm not great, sorry @PeppiPatty

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 10:42 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Dearest @Jacques

Love you an @hiddenite
I read a bit few days ago
She doesn't have the strength I know but she is working hard and so are you
You have both helped me be more compassionate with your writing
Love Anne

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

AppleblossomSenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 11:02 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Lol Your irrepressible enthusiasm is disarming @PeppiPatty

In response to: Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

JacquesSenior Contributor07 Dec 2015, 11:11 pm AEDT

Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Hi @Appleblossom, Thank you for the kind words.

I do hope thing really work out for your son and his partner, if things do not work out it will be a lesson learned for him, valuable life experience, i know it must be tough being mum, wanting to protect your child, but as you well know their is no substitute for life experience.

I know how hard it is with the elitist thing, i have that in my family too, i always try to see it from the view point as they have lived a privileged life and don't know any better.

It is nice to see your son thinks of you and lets you know he is ok and when he is comming home, he sounds like he is becomming a well adjusted man. you have done so well bringing him up in such difficult circumstances. please be proud of the fact you have a wonderful son who loves you.

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