Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Thank you very much for your post @Former-Member.

I think we have some similar core experiences. Oldest daughter of mi mum ... taking responsibility ... not supported but working hard as women and mums. I am just a little older ... The physically labour intensive period of parenting will ease into more emotional managing of the children ... and your teaching training and experience will help heaps. Yet it is hard to remain optimisitic about the future when emerging from a troubled past ... just keep at it and let that past gradually recede into the background.

Yes I do write out "aloud" a bit ... connecting on the forum about my concerns and experiences with "give and take" is helping my mood stay stable. Often I am even cheerful.

I walked to town today and met Carersvic social worker ... it is helpful and keeps me focused. She is earthy and energetic and direct ... I dont have to beat around the bush. On the way home I got a passport photo ... which is awful and a couple of new tops. Then had a student ... son should be cooking dinner ... and I am looking forward to the anger talk tonight.

Hi @Appleblossom,

Up super early this morning with only a couple of hours sleep. Hope it's okay if I just chat in this, your discussion thread? Let me know if you think I've gone too far off topic.

Still processing psychologist meeting from yesterday. We had great chats and even a few big laughs as well as sobering moments, one tearful. I was thinking of you when he mentioned the "good enough" parent (in relation to self parenting). Related to this, I have come to realise over time that I've been far too hard on my own mother (just as I felt she was too hard on me). It's a gift that we are accepting and understanding each other better as we are both aging. It's interesting, this concept of "good enough" that you first introduced to me here.

'Mateship with Birds' also arrived in the mail today. I may have a little trouble reading it because of the small print. But I'll pull out the maximum magnification and have a go! Hope you are travelling well.

Oh dear ... its telling that we need magnification .. gettin' on ... ... our eyes work so hard.. hope its worth the effort.

"Good enough" is so important. Sometimes we do push ourselves and others too hard. It sounds like you are moving into a better place in lots of areas of your life.

To be able to process and move through different feeling states with counsellor ... is good and freeing ... and grows awareness behind behaviours ...

My son just emailed me to say he was going to be home in the morning ...

so I am happy mum ... he lets me know whats going on .. and is getting a life ... he was gorgeous yesterday at my concert. Then went off with girl's family ... and I can just relax after my big event .. slept in ... did some housework ... put gunk on my face ... played the piano without glasses ... with said gunk on my face ... mainly major and minor scales from memory ... so didnt have to see too much ...

The concert was fun and a success ... last year it was super hot and very squashed in a small church ... so to improve things this year we had double the audience and ... chairs .. to sit down for all the big solos and were told we could show skin .. so we didnt overheat ... we could enjoy it rather than it being gruelling ordeal standing up the whole time.

the organiser was happy and is planning to book an even bigger venue next year.

... the double smiley faces creep me out ... its too much like a grimace!

@Appleblossom,

I love the image of you playing piano with gunk on your face and blurry eyes. Awesome that the concert was fun and successful. Congratulations on being part of it! Glad your son is treating you well and you have been enjoying both his independence and the anticipation of his return.

Yes, good enough is an interesting thing to ponder more. Letting 'good enough' rule today has seen me very lazy indeed. But I did manage to do a few things including ring Mum and speak to an auntie who is staying with her, and who I haven't seen for decades. Tomorrow I have a beach walk planned with a friend. She's the one I recently reunited with after a few years of no contact. We're planning to make the beach walk a weekly get together.

Thanks, @Former-Member I hope this evening is treating you well.

I get it @PeppiPatty die and dia logue can suggest different meanings lol ... no worries. We have to make allowances for ooopsees.

Yes @Former-Member I am feeling content at the moment ... I am not sure how long it will last ... and not worried yet ... I would have worried if son had not emailed .. but he did ... so ... all good.

Glad I can make you laugh at my gunk @Mazarita and think seriously about good enuff stuff.

But as with any soundbyte ... it only fits for a limited time ... yes, we can get lazy too ..

My son calls me lazy but he doesnt have a clue ... gotta luv em.

One interesting thing happened in 2 separate conversations yesterday ... the person with me echoed the word I had used .. weird ... but good in that I didnt feel I had to explain, argue or justify ... they got the context ...

But i got lost coming home ... so didnt get it til midnight ... with sore weary feet .. but happy heart.

There were no trains and the I hopped on 2 trams in the eastern suburbs going the wrong way... Bloody hell I must finally be a woman and cant read maps... or street signs. But I just used my metcard and came back on same tram ... silly billy me.

cheers Apple

@PeppiPatty

I dont know why your mil excludes you. Elitism is horrible and hurtful. Yes I try and be kind with a guiding hand ... but expectations and the things that people take for granted are tricky.

Tbh .. a truly shy girl would have stuttered or struggled to express her demand and excessive fussiness ..

When I had accident early in the year, I was almost forced to go out by the 2 of them ... cos "She had had enough of parents being around." I was in agony trying to recover from serious car accident ... less than 24 hours earlier .. I stood my ground, but I was straining my voice pleading with them to let me stay in my room ... in MY house ... where she was a relatively new visitor ... that should NEVER have happened.

Thats not really nervousness ... so I am wary now ... a bit shocked at presumptions ... I WAS genuinely shy, didnt have a daddy rescuer and know the difference NOW ... there is a princess syndrome which can be problematic socially and for mh ... ie delusions of grandeur ... sorry @PeppiPatty I am over daddy's princess types.. but they are quite common.. I will be committed to protecting my son from any excesses in that area.. as you would protect your sons.