Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

I tend to take the 'baby with the bathwater' approach with avoiding some people - one of my less-than-ideal coping mechanisms. I admire that you have more maturity in your approach to your former friend.

Quiet day here including a couple of naps, as well as a walk on the beach, a few rounds on the exercise bike, stretching routines, domestics and hanging out in front of the TV with partner. Sunday is usually the lowest-key day of the week here. I do get a bit bored on these days but I like the cruisy vibe too. 🙂

@PeppiPatty Maybe I misread a post where you mentioned a plan for your birthday ... doesnt matter we are all cheering. Sorry about meds mix up ... at least you are on to it now.

There is a difference between wanting to be with others and wanting total adulation and complete control ... and thinking she is the only one with the capacity for critical thinking ... she felt comfortable calling my son jerk once. My son stopped playing violin when she said my son's violin playing sounded "sour" when he had just picked it up and hadnt tuned it. The oneupmanship and verbal dominance is chronic. @Mazarita was right I dont think the writers group are that fond of her ... but because she comes from a similar social background to son's rellies and we are also isolated ... and the relationship met some needs ... I guess the big change for me is the idea that I can manage a relationship. That it is not bitchy or two-faced but necessary and fine.

I have delighted in using Aussie turns of phrase not in a direct accusing manner but as my generalisations about life ... eg how unimpressed I can be by "people carrying on like pork chops" etc... which she does a lot ... thanks @PeppiPatty for the image of story drama queen waves ... that image will also help me in the future.

Been watching Thea Tlist on a Cancer 101 utube by University of California.

Partly it is because cancer conversations are becoming more frequent, not just with mother or brother. I made a friend about 10 years ago ... we bonded at a party as we were both very quiet, delicate and used to pain ... she has since died of her breast cancer ...

The utube presentation was interesting but I kept reflecting how people often behave like cells. She would describe stressors as "insults" to the body and behaviour in groups is behaviour in groups.

Cells get effected by their "neighbourhoods" ... and the type of conversations (chemical) they have with neighbouring cells or stroma ...

She also talked about the erecting of barriers being helpful in stopping invasion and malignany ... this is a bit like me finally having a front door to keep out stressful events were as in a marriage gone toxic ... the stress and insults are 24/7. Not that I want to confuse my metaphors ...

In many ways @PeppiPatty is simlar to me ... in that if I am presented with a genuine need ... in my physical space and to my face ... I usually do what I can ... I try not to be used ... but dont think that it is wrong to respond with compassion... more and more I find ways to put expectations on relationships .. it is just that it did not come naturally.

Brothers and sisters are individual with separate bodies and minds but there are a lot of overlaps.

It is so human to want to categorise and put boundaries everywhere ... but there is the other side where connection is also necessary.