Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Thanks. I am just proud that my son is taking an thorough going and ethical approach in his teaching.

His father's approach was always how much money you can get out of people. It was a bit of a turn-off.

I have a big weekend planned. Much of it should be wonderful as I have been invited to lunch then going to our writers group anniversary and book launch and on Sunday going to see a Met Opera on Screen .. meeting my son and girl on return from their trip.

I am also very anxious about it as I will be interacting with a particular very dominant 80 year old American lady with no relatives in Aus .. ex lecturer in San Francisco who I was closer to 4 years ago but recoiled from because I felt controlled and bossed around and snubbed and put down artistically (musically and in my writing). At first we went out to many arts events that I was involved in ... I found places for her to read her material, but her boasting and arrogance became so wearying. She could never come up with one positive comment about me or the people I introduced her to, and kept saying Australia was so backward. I became offended as she has been here for over 20 years on our pensions and I knew I was hospitable and offered good quality.

She interacts with my son a bit and I encouraged it at first because she did help break his sense of isolation as they could chat about music, literature and American politics.

After a year of her company I became a wreck and could not write or do anything ... it is another part of the reason that I let everything go. I looked online and I think she has some form of NPD. I also have

Please wish me luck ... I will try to be well behaved and not to punch her on the nose ... lol ...my son and the other people at the writers group can see she has problems. At our Shakespeare group she was very rude about the readings but also carries on wanting people to get her a glass of wine etc ... I know I need to be very firm with her. She is most verbose. I was attracted at first because I crave the intellectual companionship ... hmmm

Sounds like an amazing weekend planned, @Appleblossom. Your former friend sounds like a formidable woman. I tend to be intimidated fairly easily and have had friendships that became too difficult to continue for reasons similar to yours. That's fair enough, I think. Hope your sense of boundaries remains strong and you are not disturbed by this woman's presence this time round.

Hi,

I watched my favourite program "New Tricks,' on channel 2 tonight and watched .....oh Paul Keating talk, it very funny, he takes his arrogence like it's a ......he humourous about it !!

Im so so, looking forward to you telling me about the writers group. I think its a big desire of me to get back to study and do a course in creative writing. Probably next year. I'm seeing my Psychotherapist this Thursday and will see her about this paper I want to write about faminism and then can show you.

Im looking at Stephanie Dowrick......

Yes, completely agree re; American lady....like wow. Its so much like what Ive had in my life.....me and husband went to my Mums 70 th birthday party, it was a very big deal and these 2 Americans told her immediately, even before the party began that I said really off things about her so Mum spent the whole party really upset.

And ...oh, could I tell you of someone else but whatever, I think it's a .......culture shock or something.

So, that lady you have that .....horrid experience Id'e say that secretly, everyone in your circle of musicians and writers probably agree with you darling.......

I think that there was this awsome lady online called @Allesandra1992 she and I used to think of ways to get these bothersome people away.

I truly cant think of anything to write about tactics except that the best thing is that dont get involved in attacking or saying anything but let time take it's place. I think that when one knows them selves like you do......if you stay with your own true personality......you cant think that you do anything wrong.

xx

Hi,

I watched my favourite program "New Tricks,' on channel 2 tonight and watched ..... Paul Keating talk, it very funny, he takes his arrogence like it's a ......he humourous about it !!

Im so so, looking forward to you telling me about the writers group. I think its a big desire of me to get back to study and do a course in creative writing. Probably next year. I'm seeing my Psychotherapist this Thursday and will see her about this paper I want to write about faminism and then can show you.

Im looking at Stephanie Dowrick......

Yes, completely agree re; American lady....like wow. Its so much like what Ive had in my life.....me and husband went to my Mums 70 th birthday party, it was a very big deal and these 2 Americans told her immediately, even before the party began that I said really off things about her so Mum spent the whole party really upset.

And ...oh, could I tell you of someone else about another American but whatever, I think it's Americans come to Australia and experience......culture shock or something.

So, that lady you have that .....horrid experience Id'e say that secretly, everyone in your circle of musicians and writers probably agree with you

.......

I think that there was this awsome lady online called @Allesandra1992 she and I used to think of ways to get these bothersome people away.

I truly cant think of anything to write about tactics except that the best thing is that dont get involved in

attacking or saying anything but let time take it's place. I think that when one knows them selves like you

do......if you stay with your own true personality......you can go home thinking that you have acted the best you can and thats yourself.

I had an ultrasound and told Ive a twisted uterus, whats that?

xx

Happy Birthday @PeppiPatty

I guess with your family you also know some of the downsides of academic types.

and dear @Mazarita

Thank you so much for your words of support.

Somehow the friction between the old formidable lady and I was defused by numbers ...

I was invited to lunch for 5 with her by her friend and we also all sat together later that evening for a celebratory book launch dinner. She invited my 2 old piano students so it meant we had 7 people at the table and I knew them all quite well ... it was such a relief ... everyone could chat happily and no one person dominated.

There was one moment yesterday when she started telling me where to sit and I said

"I would sit where I did, I had only given permission to one person to tell me what to do for the day and that was quite enough people bossing me around" ...

She was our mutual frind who did the chauffeuring. I am quite direct with Queen B but I also congratulated her on a speech and bought a book of poems that I had walked and talked with her about ...years ago and bought the champagne to encourage her before she self-published.

My son had arranged to meet us all to see an opera today at a quirky cinema with his girl.

Today, she was irritating but I am learning to handle her ... I think the other friend values my presence as threesome and it is workable as I didnt need to punch the grand old 80 yo on the nose.

When she asked questions in a demanding and interrogative manner I am better at batting the question back rather than meekly telling her all ... I demanded of her ..."are you capable of listening to the answer" ... and later when she kept insisting on hyping and overdramatising things regarding my sons time-keeping skills ... I managed to let her know that she was out of order.... I didnt bottle frustration in ... the other friend wisely managed to defuse the situation ... acknowledged the issues ... and madam didnt keep pressing her points ... partly as I said I usually can find a way to agree and dont press my points home ... when I lapse into silence then there is nothing more to be said.

The thing is that she is quite a remarkable woman and I did admire and respect her a lot ... anyway the weekend developed in the best way and I am glad .. but I am glad I could also feel a sense of moral support from the forum in expressing my anxiety before the events and tell the story after ... thank you all who read.

Great to hear it went okay with the former friend, @Appleblossom. Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your son. So glad the weekend overall was possibly even better than anticipated. 🙂

Thanks @Mazarita

Former friend is a good way to think of her ... Generally I call her my son's friend now and I can tolerate her for his sake. She however does not want to be tolerated she needs worship ... but it is what it is.

I introduced her to son. Her good qualities are still there and he realises she is a bit of a bulldozer ... but she also had enough of exotic ala woman of the world ... she ran a few film festivals in San Francisco etc ... to be a bit of a mentor and she has got good taste ... I am learning not to throw the baby out with the bath water and to keep some sense of authenticity in real time ... yay

Did you get up to anything today?